From a Whisper to a Scream
by Skones
Summary: Arizona broke up with Callie in a note a year ago after receiving a letter in the mail.They work in separate hospitals, 2,500 miles away from each other. Why? What happens when she decides to come back?
1. Hey

**So, this is NOT me starting a new fic… just putting that out there now :D This will most likely stay a one-shot unless people like it… A LOT… which I really don't think they will. I have three other fics to update, New History, Tidal Wave, Pictures of You (almost over :D), and I think my head might explode if I try to start a new story right now.**

**I WAS going to update Pics of You, but I have a serious case of writer's block and writing the chapter kind of felt like trying to play soccer with a bowling ball… like… really hard… wow… This idea was in my head, so I wrote it out instead...**

**NOTE: Bold text, is writing (like magazine articles, letters, notes etc.)_ Sections of long italics are flashbacks._**

**Again, this fic has no relation to the Grey's Anatomy episode 'From a Whisper to a Scream'**

**_

* * *

_**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

_Callie let the envelope fall from her fingers, dropping uselessly on the counter next to the stack of mail she had retrieved from her mailbox in the lobby of the apartment building. _

_**Dear Ms. Robbins,**_

_**We're sorry to inform you that…**_

_Callie hadn't meant to snoop through Arizona's mail. It was a careless mistake; she hadn't even looked at the who it had been addressed to since it had only been three weeks since Arizona had officially moved in and two days since the Post Office had finally figured out where to foreword her mail. It had some sort of official seal on the front and the envelope had been thick so Callie had assumed it was some sort of bill. Maybe Christina had forgotten to pay the phone bill. It wouldn't be the first time…_

_She hadn't expected this. Over her lifetime, Callie decided she had made a huge mess of mistakes: marrying George in Vegas, sleeping with Mark Sloan and a while the list continued, the first item on Callie's list, was: she should __not__ have opened that letter. This was personal, private, and even though she was Arizona's girlfriend, that didn't give her the right to know these kinds of things without permission. _

"_Hey Calliope," Arizona exclaimed cheerily as she opened the door, dropping her purse onto the floor and moving toward the kitchen. The blonde stopped abruptly when she saw Callie's shocked expression, the letter clutched in her hand and the envelope discarded on the counter. "Is everything okay?" She asked, rushing quickly over to Callie's side, prepared to comfort her girlfriend. "Did Christina get us evicted or something?"_

"_No… Arizona I-" Callie gestured wordlessly to the letter, handing it over to Arizona and watched the blonde's face anxiously._

"_You read this?" Arizona asked tightly, after scanning the first few lines of the letter. "It's addressed to me, it's about… me and… my family… I'm not a particularly private person... but... Why?"_

"_I didn't mean to…" Callie stuttered, "I had forgotten that your mail was here, and I just opened it… I'm so sorry, I didn't even read the whole thing. I-" _

"_I have to go," Arizona abruptly cut the rambling brunette off, grabbed her purse from the floor and stuffed the letter and the envelope into her pocket._

"_Arizona, You can talk to me-"_

"_No Callie, I really can't. Not now anyway." Arizona stated firmly, a slight tremor marring her tone as she left Callie sitting at the kitchen counter and shut the door behind her._

_Arizona didn't come home that night._

_The next day, despite staking out the PEDs floor for three hours in hope of finding Arizona, The Chief eventually informed Callie that her girlfriend had called in sick to work that day._

_And finally, the day after she had opened the letter, Callie returned to their apartment after her shift to find all of Arizona's possessions gone, and a note._

_-_

**Callie**_ (She could see where Arizona had written Calliope, but had erased it)_

**I had to go, I'm so sorry.**

** It's nothing you did, I promise. I just need time, and space… and I need to see my family.**

**Once I figure all this out I'll be transferring hospitals so you won't have to see me everyday. It'll be easier. You're the Ortho God so you know what I mean when I say I think we need a clean break.**

**I'll always love you. You're miraculous and you don't deserve this from me but I don't think I can come back, so please, don't wait for me.**

**XOXO **_(Arizona had erased these also, but Callie could see the faint outline of the 'xoxo')_

**Love,**

**Arizona**

-

_That was a year ago. And despite the note and the mysterious letter, Callie had no idea why Arizona hadn't come back or why she even left in the first place._

_But that was a year ago, let bygones be bygones._

_

* * *

_

**(About one year after Callie opening the letter etc.)**

Callie yawned, reluctantly sitting up in bed as her alarm clock beeped loudly through her previously silent bedroom. Fumbling with the clock for a moment, Callie found the snooze button and pressed it vindictively before settling back down into the bed for five more minutes of sleep.

Half an hour later, Callie dragged herself out of her bedroom. She slouched over to the kitchen counter, rummaging around through the cabinets for the box of cereal and a bowl before grabbing the milk out of the fridge and settling down to eat her breakfast. Casting her glance over to the clock, Callie mentally cursed her alarm clock for simply having a snooze button and blamed the simple machine for the fact she was supposed to be in the hospital in fifteen minutes.

Cristina made her appearance a few minutes later, stumbling into the hallway wearing a pair of ratty old sweats and a college sweatshirt.

"Going to Mer's," Cristina muttered as she tugged on her shoes and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail.

They didn't talk anymore. Granted, that hadn't been the best of friends, but Cristina and Callie used to have conversations ranging from the most exciting trauma of the previous day to whether Cristina should let Owen take her out to dinner on Valentines Day. Of course if all else failed, they used to always talk surgery, or they would break out the tequila and dance out all of their problems for a few hours.

Now, they muttered a few words at each other in passing, keeping a careful distance from one another. Callie saw the pity in Cristina's eyes, and she hated it. She hated seeing Cristina Yang, the epitome of the emotionally detached, feeling sorry for her. She was badass, she was an attending, she got to wear the dark blue scrubs… and yet before Cristina could disguise it as disgusted boredom, Callie saw pity in her eyes.

She didn't want pity. She didn't need it.

She didn't care.

Merely nodding a response Callie munched the last few bites of her cereal as Cristina headed out the door without another word. She dropped her bowl into the sink, stretching and yawning once more before hurrying into her room to get ready for work.

* * *

"We should hide this." Mark grabbed the magazine out of Lexie's grasp as Derek, Owen and Teddy watched in amusement. They were occupying their usual lunch table, except Callie hadn't arrived to join them yet since she had gotten pulled into surgery. "She can't see this."

"Mark!" Lexie protested, making a pitiful attempt to grab the magazine back, "I was reading that, and she's going to find out sometime… It's been a year already, she has to be over it by now."

"You've talked to her, she's definitely not okay… I know her Lexie. She acts like it, but trust me, she's not 'okay' and seeing this," he gestured toward the article, giving the picture of a smiling blonde PEDs surgeon a death glare "will not help."

"What's this all about?" Teddy asked, gesturing at the magazine with her fork before taking another bite of salad.

"Arizona Robbins, there's an article about her in the magazine," Mark admitted, still adamantly holding it out of his girlfriend's reach.

"Oh," any traces of amusement or merriment slipped off the surgeon's faces at the mention of the blonde PEDs surgeon. Her departure had been abrupt to say the least, and Callie had been a wreck for a _long _time. Mark had made probably over a dozen visits to Joe's bar past three in the morning to pick Callie up because she had decided to drown her memories of dimples and blue eyes in bottles and bottles of tequila.

"She's doing better now right?" Owen asked, he hadn't heard much about it from Cristina but she had seemed worried about her roommate for the past couple of months. Of course she would never admit it. "I've worked with her in the ER a lot recently and she seemed fine."

"Better, yes. But she's not okay, and as her best friend, she really should not see that." Owen nodded along as Derek murmured in agreement.

"He's probably right Lexie," Derek added, the corners of his mouth shifting up into a smile as Lexie pouted. "Just let him hide it-"

"Hide what?" Callie asked innocently, though she was glaring at Mark and there was a razor thin undertone to her voice.

"Oh, uhm… nothing," Mark stuffed the magazine under the table, but apparently he wasn't quick enough. "Hey Callie, how was surgery?" He tried to distract the brunette earning a disbelieving snort and a muttered 'smooth' from Lexie.

"Let me see the magazine Mark," Callie demanded as she sat down across from her best friend and kicked him under the table. "Stealth was never you're strong suite."

Reluctantly Mark handed it over. The entire table tried unsuccessfully to look nonchalant as Callie flipped through the magazine. She kept the surprise off of her face but they heard the sharp intake of breath as Callie paused at a page, her breath hitching in her throat.

**Dr. Arizona Robbins, Head of Pediatrics at Massachusetts General Hospital has revolutionized the procedure of…**

There was a three page article, singing Arizona's surgical praises, accompanied by a glossy photo of Arizona smiling next to the hospital bed of an equally cheerful looking child. _Well good for her, _Callie thought, forcing herself not to dwell on the fact that this was technically the first time she had _seen_ Arizona in the past year.

"You don't have to hide stuff like this from me," Callie joked, forcing a smile across her face and pretending to flip easily past the article. "Really Mark, it's been a year. Seeing Arizona's picture isn't going to freak me out, I'm happy for her."

"Oh," Mark, looked briefly over his best friend's face quickly before returning to his lunch. "Well… I'm glad than. Good for her... and you."

Callie nodded, busying herself with her lunch before someone noticed she was not actually _fine. _Though, she had become quite adept at hiding that fact over the past months, after she had gotten through her 'bar phase.'

"Callie," Lexie ventured timidly, "Can I maybe… have my magazine back?" The brunette nodded, handing the magazine back to Lexie who eagerly turned back to the article she had been reading about a neurosurgeon in New York who was had invented some new type of forceps.

"Actually, I have to go," Callie stood up, grabbing her tray and shooting her friends a reassuring smile. "I have to prep for a big surgery after lunch."

"See," Lexie replied confidently to Mark as Callie headed out of the cafeteria "she's fine."

"Lexie… she doesn't have a big surgery after lunch… She's on ER duty for the rest of the day." Mark replied sadly, as he watched his best friend walk away.

Callie opened the door to the on call room, clutching a copy of the magazine she had stolen from the front desk. Moving over to sit on the bed, Callie rested her head against the wall. Her eyes closed briefly before she took a deep breath and opened the magazine, forcing herself to read the article.

Massachusetts General Hospital… Callie had entertained hopes that Arizona was going to come back to Seattle Grace. She had thought that after a few days, Arizona would return… After a few months, her vision of their reunion changed; she wanted to yell and scream and the blonde for abandoning her simply because she didn't want to talk about a letter. But she hadn't gotten a reunion. Nope. Instead she slogged through surgery after surgery like a robot while Arizona had her picture in magazines back in Massachusetts.

Callie _hated _Massachusetts.

Normally, the brunette avoided the PEDs wing like the plague but every time she was called up for a unavoidable consult she always imagined she heard the sound of Arizona's Heeley's skidding a long the floors and saw a flash of blonde hair disappearing around a corner.

But now Arizona was across the country, 2,500 miles away.

_She's head of PEDs at a huge hospital, and she has her freaking picture in surgical magazines. She's not going to come back. She wouldn't walk away from all of that… _Callie reminded herself sternly as she shut the magazine and tossed to the opposite end of the bed. _She's. Not. Coming. Back._

Angrily, Callie brushed a few tears off of her cheeks, exhaling forcefully and suppressing the wave of sadness that was threatening to engulf her.

It's been a year.

She's not coming back, why would she?

Accept it. Move on.

* * *

Callie pushed open the door to her apartment hours later, exhausted from three boring hours in a practically empty ER. Nodding a greeting at Cristina and her twisted other half, Meredith, who were sitting on the couch pouring over a surgical text book, she headed directly to her room, not in the mood to socialize.

After she had showered, Callie lay in her bed, trying desperately to focus on a novel she had been reading but failing miserably as her eyes kept fluttering shut and her thoughts drifted to Massachusetts, PEDs and Arizona Robbins.

A muffled knock on the front door roused Callie from her thoughts for a moment but she quickly returned to reading when she figured it was probably just Owen who had forgotten his key again. However, a few seconds later a louder knock sounded on Callie's own bedroom door.

"Come in," she called, abandoning her attempts to read altogether.

"Callie… um… you have… um…-"

"Form sentences Cristina," Callie reprimanded snidely. She regretted the words as they left her mouth since she frequently rambled her way into uncomfortable situations but Cristina merely shook her head and glared at Callie.

"You have a… visitor." She stated, shutting the door on her way out and leaving Callie to wonder who exactly would come visit her at 10:30 at night.

Yawning, Callie walked tiredly out into the hall, prepared to see Mark, Lexie or even Teddy standing there.

Not her.

Callie's mouth dropped open and she had to resist the urge to rub her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"Hey…"

* * *

**A/N: Sooooooooo, thoughts?**


	2. 26 Saved Messages

**A/N: I deleted Chapter Nine of New History… nothing happened at all in that chapter and re-reading it, I really didn't like it… I dunno exactly why…but I'm re-writing parts of it, and it'll be longer so… sorry if there was confusion… Also, WOW, I wasn't expecting people to like this, but I guess you did :D Thank you so much for all of the reviews, I love them all :)**

**There are some hints about the reason Arizona left in this chapter, can you spot them? It's like ISpy XD**

_**Large block of italics=Flashback**_

**P.S. Izzie hasn't left, Derek is not Chief of Surgery.**

**I wasn't going to update this until after I finish Pictures of You, it has one more chapter left, but I needed some angst. So enjoy :D**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

**Chapter Two: 26 Saved Messages**

_Cold, the feeling of fear on my skin_  
_Dying to find a way in the silver lining_  
_Well stars, they burn out like dreams, all around_  
_Falling like rain, to the ground_  
_But you're still shining_  
_And this fire is alive in your eyes_

_-Hot Chelle Rae: Last One Standing_

She had packed her bags, stuffing random objects and articles of clothing haphazardly into her suitcases. She had been numb. She had dug through her drawers and pulled out all of her clothes, trying to ignore the fact that she was leaving her _home_. It had been her home for three weeks, she had 'officially' moved in recently but the inevitable signs of cohabitation were everywhere. She had grabbed her toothbrush from next to the sink, ignoring the fact that Callie's was right next to her hers, or when she had wrenched all of her shirts off of their hangers and thrown them into her suitcase, she had ignored the fact that the other half of the closet was filled with Callie's clothes. The reminders were everywhere, but she told herself it was for the best, that she could do this. She was a good man in a storm, and she wasn't about to let herself drown.

Arizona had made it one year. She had gone to see her family, fighting back against the fear and the sadness that engulfed her childhood home. Then, a month later, she had found herself a new job.

Massachusetts General Hospital, one of the few hospitals with a higher ranking than Seattle Grace. By all standards, Head of PEDs at such a prestigious hospital should be her dream job.

But, there was no Bailey to yell at her for Heeleying recklessly up and down the halls. Cristina Yang wasn't there to trip over herself to impress a Cardio attending, Mark wasn't there to make his perverted, suggestive comments and Alex Karev wasn't there to grudgingly follow her on PEDs rotations. Most importantly, Calliope wasn't there. She called it homesickness, she told herself it would pass… She had been miserable, and it hadn't gone away.

So, she didn't Heeley. She forced a smile over her numb expression and pretended everything was perfect. Because it SHOULD be perfect, she had everything she could want in a job. But, it wasn't enough, and she was tired of denying that.

Arizona watched, her heart twisting into painful knots as Callie walked out of her room. Her ex-girlfriend took one look at her, her mouth dropping open in surprise as she stared blankly at the blonde standing in the hallway. All the confidence, and self-assuredness Arizona had felt knocking on Callie's door and waiting for her drained away.

"Hey…" Arizona murmured, at loss for words.

The surprise left Callie's expression, though it lingered in her eyes, only to be replaced with anger.

"Arizona." Callie stated, as if she couldn't really believe what she was seeing but she soon came back to herself. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was thin, the anger barley disguised.

"I…-"

"I actually don't really care," Callie remarked, turning on her heel and heading back into her bedroom, shutting the door determinedly behind her.

"Calliope… Callie please," Arizona called, but Cristina walked up behind her.

"I think you should leave," Cristina said firmly. Meredith still stood awkwardly by the sofa, looking between the blonde surgeon and her best friend.

Arizona nodded as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her coat. She hadn't expected Callie would even speak to her, but she was surprised by her ex-girlfriend's reaction. She deserved worse.

Before the blue front door closed behind her, Arizona was surprised to see Cristina follow her into the hallway. They stood still, Cristina glaring at Arizona who was looking sadly at the door.

"I'm not her friend." Cristina stated, taking Arizona by surprise, but the blonde merely nodded. "I'm not doing this because I'm her friend… But, what on earth did you expect?"

"What?" Arizona turned her surprised gaze toward the normally detached resident who was glaring at her.

"Did you expect that when you left, the world just stopped?" Cristina asked, adopting the tone one would use to talk to a five year old. "It didn't. Things are different. Callie got promoted, she's an attending now. Mark and Lexie are engaged despite the fact she's a fetus and he's a grandpa. Meredith and Derek finally got over their stupid post-it and got married at city hall… The world didn't stop when you left. We moved on."

"Of course the world didn't stop Yang. I was working. I was ignoring her phone messages and texts. I am painfully aware of the fact that the world didn't stop. I wish it had, but it didn't." She bit her lip, watching as the brunette's stare hardened.

"You're right…" Cristina continued, leaning back against the door. "The world didn't stop… but Callie did."

"What are you talking-" Arizona muttered, confused by Cristina's blunt statements.

"You broke up with her in a note. You walked away, what do you think Callie thought?" She accused, watching as Arizona flinched. "You know her. She's spent the past year blaming herself, wondering what she did to push you away. She's broken, she's a robot. Erica really screwed her up, but you were a thousand times worse."

The fight drained out of Arizona's expression, replaced with a mixture of guilt and horror. She had convinced herself everything would be better, that Callie would be better without her.

"She really thought that-"

"Do you really think one line in a note telling her 'it's nothing you did' is going to make her stop feeling guilty? Geez, either you're really dense, or you're in denial and to top it off, you're walking away again."

"You told me I should leave!"

"Are you here for good or not?"

"I don't know."

"Either you stay, or you let her have closure or whatever and then you let her move on with her life." Cristina replied, with much more feeling than Arizona would expect from someone who claimed to not be Callie's friend.

"Okay…"

"I'm not doing this because I'm her friend… we're non-friends, but I'm sick of this lesbian drama and I'm sick of seeing her stumble into the apartment at three in the morning every night because she decided to 'drink all of her troubles away.'" Cristina finished, yanking the door open and disappearing behind it before slamming it in Arizona's face.

Cristina nodded once to Meredith in the hallway before walking quickly up to Callie's door. Without bothering to knock, she entered, finding her roommate sprawled out on the bed, her head buried in the pillow.

"I told her to leave." Cristina said, watching as Callie sat up slowly against the headboard.

"Thanks." Callie murmured, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes.

"What are you going to do?" Cristina asked, unable to disguise her interest with her usual disdain.

"I don't know." She answered, her fingers knotting in the blankets. "I don't even know why she left. I don't know why she's back… I don't know if I even want her back."

"You'll have to deal with her sometime…" Cristina remarked nonchalantly.

"I know," Callie replied softly… "Maybe tomorrow, I couldn't… I need some time to think."

* * *

**(Next Morning…)**

"You slept here?!" Cristina yelled after walking out of her front door and almost tripping over a blonde headed woman curled up near the door. "That was not the plan! When I asked if you were here for good, I didn't mean HERE… like in front of our door!"

"I didn't plan it," Arizona mumbled, wincing from the loud sound of Cristina's voice and stretching to lessen the ache in her back. Sleeping against the wall, not the best idea. "I was thinking... Then I sat down… I was exhausted and I guess I fell asleep… sorry."

"You're pathetic." Arizona didn't deny it, she merely nodded and rubbed the back of her neck.

"I resigned my position at Mass Gen. I bought a plane ticket to the only place I could think to go, the only place I wanted to be. But, I don't have an apartment here anymore, and it was too late to go out hotel hunting." Arizona explained but Cristina looked bored and checked her watch.

"Save your excuses for Callie, I have to be at the hospital in a few minutes," Cristina stepped around Arizona and headed down the stairs. "Callie is going to be out in a few minutes," she called over her shoulder as she disappeared around the landing.

"Uhm…" Callie's confused voice sounded from the doorway and Arizona twisted around quickly on the floor to look up at the brunette who was standing in her doorway. Quickly, Arizona stood up, brushing a few stray curls from her face as she glanced nervously at Callie. "You slept… here?"

"I uh… yep. I didn't mean to, I'm not stalking you or anything… I just… I fell asleep." Callie looked at her with disbelief for a second before she nodded and jammed her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

"Well… It was nice to see you again," Callie said awkwardly as she began heading down the stairs without a backward glance in Arizona's direction.

"Callie," Arizona called down the stairs, walking a few feet quickly to catch up and grabbing Callie's arm.

She immediately pulled back as Callie flinched under her touch but to Arizona's relief Callie didn't keep walking.

"What Arizona?" the brunette sighed, sounding exhausted as if she hadn't gotten much, if any sleep.

"Can we talk… please Callie…" After a year of forcing herself not to think of the name 'Calliope' calling the brunette 'Callie' didn't feel right. None of this felt right.

"Talk then." Callie turned around, crossing her arms over her chest and looking blankly at Arizona.

"I'm sorry… for leaving. I panicked and I ran… I didn't mean to hurt you like that, I didn't think… I thought it would be easier for you, but I was miserable... and… I'm so sorry." Callie reached into her bag and pulled out a magazine. Arizona recognized the cover instantly and her heart sank in her chest.

Flipping to the correct page, Callie held it toward Arizona waiting until the blonde took the magazine and looked at the picture. It was her, smiling by the bedside of a boy named Jacob Kells. They had written an article about her clinical trial and the writer had asked if it would be all right to take some photos.

"I'm sorry, but you don't look very miserable." Callie tapped the picture with her finger, before turning away and walking down the stairs.

* * *

"_That's it, thanks Dr. Robbins, and thank you Jacob." The photographer smiled, putting down his camera on the table and bending down to check the photos on the digital display. "These are great."_

"_You did super, Jacob," Arizona grinned down at the little boy, ruffling his hair before she signed off on the bottom of his chart and moved toward the doorway. He had been a patient at the hospital for almost two years, a permanent patient for the last three months. But the results of Arizona's research had been promising and his parents had decided to allow him to take part in her clinical trial. He had been her first success. "I'll be back to check on you tonight."_

"_Bye Dr. Robbins," he grinned back at her, waving as she left the room. _

_Arizona walked toward the PEDs desk, collecting a few charts from the nurse before grabbing her bag from the attending's locker room and heading up to the PEDs floor on-call room to finish up some paperwork without being bothered by relentless questions from interns. _

_It had already been seven months… yesterday had been seven months since she had accepted her position at Mass Gen. Wearily, Arizona tossed the binders onto the table, digging her cell phone out of her purse to check for messages… _

**_-No New Voice Messages, 26 Saved Messages-_**

_She had saved every one. She didn't know why she did it. Callie had stopped calling months ago and she had been tempted to delete the brunette's number from her contacts list but the number was ingrained into her memory... what difference would it make?_

_She hesitated, but only for a brief second before pressing the button and lifting the phone to her ear._

"_You have 26 saved messages… First saved message:" the computer generated voice droned before Callie's voice sounded through her phone._

"_Hi Arizona… it's me again... I don't know if you listen to these, but I need to talk to you... I miss you-" Arizona slammed the phone shut, cutting off Callie's message and silencing her ex-girlfriend's voice._

_The blonde slumped against the table, putting her phone down on the table before shoving it away. It clattered to the floor and slid under a chair. Hearing Callie's voice, it was as if someone had poured ice-cold water down her spine, but she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't call her back, just like that, after ignoring her for months. Warm tears pooled in the corners of her eyes but she brushed them away angrily and turned her attention back to the paperwork strewn about the table in front of her._

_Hours later, she had abandoned the paperwork and stretched out on the on-call room bed, trying desperately to enclose all of her memories of Calliope into a mental box she could lock away and shove into the back of her brain. It wasn't working very well, she had only succeeded in re-living her fondest memories with Calliope before realizing she had made absolutely no progress at all. _

_Reluctantly she reached over and grabbed her cell phone, scrolling down her contacts list. She stopped at the name 'Calliope.' At first, her finger hovered over the green call button on the keypad. She lay that way for minutes, her finger just a hairs breadth away from the button. Instead, she quickly moved her finger over to the red button on the other side of the keypad. Pressing it quickly Arizona squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a moment,_

**_-Are you sure you want to delete?-_**

_Hurriedly, she pressed the button, erasing the brunette's name from her contacts._

_She expected to feel some sort of relief. She didn't feel anything. She still felt miserable, she still felt irritated at herself for running away, and she was still angry with Matthew for putting her name down as his next of kin. It was hard to be angry with someone who was dead, but she was angry all the same. _

_It had been seven months. She had a successful clinical trial, and article about herself in a national magazine, a job some other surgeons would kill for… She had tried, she had eaten box after box of donuts trying to forget the letter, the Marines, the trial, the phone messages, and Calliope. So, why wasn't it easier?_

_

* * *

_

That morning, after Callie had left, Arizona stood outside of Seattle Grace for almost an hour. A few people who remembered her said 'hello,' asked how she was doing, and congratulated her on the clinical trial on their way into the hospital. Mostly she had just received a few weird sidelong glances from the nurses who remembered her and were undoubtedly formulating some new gossip about Dr. Robbins' dramatic return. So, she just stood, staring up at the hospital and trying to convince herself that she didn't want to work here anymore.

"It doesn't work." A familiar voice remarked cheerily from behind her. Arizona turned around quickly in surprise, coming face to face with Izzie Stevens. The blonde smiled knowingly, "I stood outside of this hospital for an entire day… it doesn't help. Sorry, I don't know if you remember me, I'm Izzie Stevens."

"Of course I remember you," Arizona replied with a weak smile. "And why doesn't standing outside of this hospital work?"

"You just need to bite the bullet," Izzie gestured vaguely, "you know, get it over with. You're here to beg for your job back, right?"

"I don't know," Arizona answered honestly. "I'm just… thinking…"

"Well, you just had your work published in a major medical journal if I'm not mistaken, so I don't think getting your job back will be too much of a problem… but as for the standing, I was out here, trying to decide the same thing… but you already know what you're decision is, you're just afraid to make it." Izzie said, matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Arizona nodded while she returned to stare up at the front of the building where a big sign read 'SGH' and Izzie began to walk toward the front door again, waving at Arizona as she walked.

"She still misses you." Izzie said, turning back now that she was a few feet in front of Arizona. "Callie and I are never going to be the best of friends, we don't talk much, if ever, but I've noticed. If you have a second chance, take it." With that, Izzie gave one last cheery wave and disappeared into the hospital.

Really, Arizona almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. She had just been given dating advice about her ex-girlfriend, from the woman who destroyed her ex-girlfriend's first marriage. Things had definitely changed.

"She's been out there for almost an hour," Callie stared through the glass at the familiar blonde figure standing outside.

"I didn't even know she was back," Mark replied, watching as Arizona stared unrelentingly up at the front of the hospital. "Are you okay, do you know how long she's here for?"

"I'm fine," Callie said firmly, turning away from the window and leaning against the wall. "She tried to talk to me, to apologize… I don't know Mark..."

"What are you going to do if she gets her job back?" He asked carefully as he scrutinized Callie's face to find some hint of reaction other than the neutral expression she had forced over her features.

"She wouldn't do that. Did you read the article? She's the head of PEDs at one of the top ranked hospitals in the country, ranked higher than Seattle Grace. She wouldn't leave all that behind."

"I don't know Callie, she left you behind didn't she?" He replied, regretting the remark the minute it left his mouth, Callie's expression faltered, betraying her confusion.

"Yes she did, so why on earth would she come back?" Callie replied, stalking out of the room, leaving Mark to stare out of the window and regret opening his big mouth.

"For you." Mark muttered under his breath, casting one last glare in the blonde's direction before walking away. "She's probably back here for you."

* * *

"Dr. Robbins, it's nice to see you again," Richard smiled as Arizona walked in. "Congratulations on the clinical trial, very impressive."

"Thank you sir," She replied, forgetting that he technically wasn't her boss anymore. He noticed and the edge of his mouth quirked up into a smile as he remembered that this was the woman who had stood in front of him and told him about 'the joy' while practically sobbing.

"So, why did you decide to come for a last minute visit?"

"I was wondering…" Arizona's voice trailed off, and she fidgeted in her lap. "I was wondering about… a… job…"

"You want to work here again?" His voice was surprised, but a knowing smirk appeared on his face for a brief moment.

"I think so… that is if you have a position open…"

"We haven't hired a new Head of PEDs yet with the merger and everything, so, your old job is still open if you'd like it. But why would you want to leave Mass Gen, especially after the clinical trial?"

"It's a great hospital, but it wasn't right for me…" Arizona paused nervously, "you'd really hire me back, just like that?"

"Of course there's paperwork, but you're more than qualified. Also, I've never met a surgeon who could handle one of Bailey's rants on her first day," He laughed easily, "if you're sure about this, I can get you the paperwork later today."

Arizona looked around the office, she looked through the windows at the hustle and bustle of a typical day at the hospital. She had missed it here, she fit _here... _Also, Callie was here.

"I'm super sure," Arizona replied, reaching out to shake Richard's hand. "Thank you very much sir."

"May I offer you some professional advice, Dr. Robbins?" Richard asked as Arizona paused in the doorway.

"Of course."

"Don't give up on her," He said simply, smirking as comprehension dawned, along with a blush, on Arizona's face.

"Thank you sir," Arizona repeated with a small grin, nodding once before opening the door.

"Welcome back Dr. Robbins."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if the Callie/Arizona interaction in this chapter wasn't what you guys had hoped for... Next chapter, they'll talk without Callie running off. :)**

**So this is a random update thing--**

**I deleted the most recent chapter for New History, but I am re-writing it :D**  
**Pictures of You has ONE more chapter, I think that's going to be posted next**  
**I still have Writer's block on Tidal Wave so if anyone feels like helping me out, :) That would be awesome XD**

**Please, please, please review :D Let me know what you think **


	3. Cat and Mouse

**My week was completely horrid, and tomorrows bound to be as well, but writing Calzona, even if it's angsty takes some of my own angst away XD**

**Anyway, as always, thank you so much for all of the reviews you guys left last chapter. I love reading all of them and they put a huge smile on my face :D**

**Flashback is in italics :) AND all lyrics in this chapter (in the end too) are from La Roux, the song Cover My Eyes.**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

**Chapter Three: Cat and Mouse**

_**So would you hold me please  
I'm trying hard to breathe  
I'm just surviving  
So would you hold me please  
I'm trying hard to breathe  
Stop me from crying**_

_**When I see you walking with her  
I have to cover my eyes  
(I have to cover my eyes)  
Every time you leave with her  
Something inside me dies  
(Something inside of me dies)**_

_**-Cover My Eyes by La Roux**_

_**

* * *

**_

It had been a week. One week since Arizona had signed her name on the dotted line of the contract that bound her to Seattle Grace hospital for the next three years. She knew it was the right thing to do; she could feel as she had once again pulled on the dark blue scrubs and tied on her butterfly scrub cap.

Most of her old co-workers hadn't asked many questions; they had accepted her presence with a familiar greeting and an easy smile. Arizona appreciated the lack of interest in her private life, except for the nurses of course who had already formulated some very colorful rumors. One even going to so far as to say that Arizona had been away for so long because she was having Mark's secret love child.

Right.

If there was one thing she didn't miss, it was the hospital gossip.

_Beep. Beep._

Arizona grabbed her pager, reading the message on the small screen. She didn't believe it at first and a huge wave of Déjà vu hit her full force as Callie's name scrolled across the tiny screen. Usually it would be followed bye one of the many signals they had developed, leading to an on-call room. She shook her head before reading the page carefully, Callie wouldn't page her unless it was absolutely necessary as they hadn't said one word to each other in a week.

_Torres. Consult. ER._

That's all it said, three simple words. But, after a week of silence, three little words were enough.

"Hey Cal-… Dr. Torres," Arizona walking purposefully into the ER, finding Callie immediately out of the sea of patient beds. Tapping her on the shoulder, the brunette looked up from her chart briefly. "You paged?"

"Bed seven." Callie ordered, before turning her gaze back to the paperwork.

_That's it? _Arizona wondered, as she realized that she had in fact been hoping that Callie had some ulterior motive for paging her. Nope. Callie looked up from her chart once more and fixed Arizona with an annoyed glance.

"Bed. Seven." Callie repeated, talking with deliberate slowness as if she was conversing with a five year old. She pointed to the bed across the room, as if Arizona had somehow forgotten the numbering system in the ER.

"Oh. Uhm. Right, sorry," Arizona stumbled, nodding once at the once again oblivious figure by the desk.

Arizona finished the consult quickly, it was a simple fix really and within half an hour Arizona was once again in the PEDs wing, successfully avoiding her ex-girlfriend.

She had just finished up rounds when her pager went off again. Arizona read the message, hoping that it was Callie again so she could have some excuse to see the brunette; instead it was Mark, paging her to an On-Call room.

Arizona almost didn't go. Things with Mark in an On-Call room were bound to be awkward if not downright disgusting. She had never been as close with Mark as Callie was, and the only time Mark ever paged her was to ask for dirty details into her and Callie's 'nightly activities' as he put it.

"Dr. Robbins," Mark remarked with a frown as Arizona stepped into the PEDs floor on-call room. "You showed," he seemed surprised, but he remained standing, leaving her to awkwardly fiddle with the edge of her coat and wait for him to offer conversation. When he didn't Arizona began to get impatient.

"Mark, why on earth-"

"How long are you here for?" He asked bluntly, crossing his arms across his chest and fixing her with a hard glare. It was odd for Arizona. For once, she wasn't 'Blondie.' Mark hadn't once in their entire professional relationship called her 'Dr. Robbins,' he had apparently changed during the year she was away. Arizona realized she was seeing a different side of Mark. This was the side Callie had kept referring to, that Arizona had never seen. This was the Mark that had helped Callie through the mess of her life after Erica and George, he wasn't the resident manwhore, he was Callie's best friend.

"I'm here for good." Arizona replied confidently, watching as irritation flashed in his eyes.

"You're here for good? Or until something freaks you out and you're off again… To hide away for a year?" He scoffed, drawing out a sliver of anger from deep within the blonde.

"I'm here Mark." She repeated thinly, "I made a mistake… I ran off, but I'm back. Last week I signed a contract that lasts for three years, I'm here for good."

"Why now?" He studied her, his blue eyes scrutinizing her face as if he could judge her intentions from her expression.

"I know you're her best friend Mark, and you want to protect her. But, I don't have to stand here and be interrogated by you. I won't," she frowned at him, "have a nice day."

"You'd better have an explanation." Mark called after her, as she paused in the doorway. Arizona slammed the door shut again, walking toward him to stand in front of him, face to face.

"What-"

"Don't pretend. You can say you're simply back because you needed a change of scenery. Hell, you could tell me you're back because you secretly harbor an undying love for Bailey for all I care. You came back for her." He nodded, confidently.

The thing was, he was right. Painfully, horribly right. That made something inside of her snap.

"You don't know the half of what went on Mark." Arizona hissed, taking a step toward him. "So no, you don't get to judge me. You don't get to decide I'm a bad person. Someone died. Do you get that? He was my best friend; he was part of my pitiful little family. I put myself aside. Do you get that? I wanted Calliope, I wanted to tell her, I needed her, but I put what I wanted aside so I could be with my family. Because as much as I needed her, my sister, my parents and Matthew... They needed me more, so I left. I don't regret being there for them. I don't regret testifying against him, I don't regret being there in the hospital, holding his hand when they called time of death. I don't. The only thing I regret is leaving her."

"I'm not even going to pretend I understood much of that." Mark replied coldly as Arizona shook with anger in front of him. Her blue eyes were dark, icy in contrast to their normal warm sparkle. "I don't know what happened to you. But if your family needed you, you needed to be with them." He nodded, slowly and Arizona looked up at him surprised. "But if someone died, the one person who you shoved away, could have been the the person who could have saved you. Callie and George, did you forget? Of course you did," he finished as Arizona's eyes widened.

"You just forgot one more thing," he continued, glaring at her. "She needed you too, and you forgot all about her."

Arizona stared, open-mouthed after him as he passed her and walked out of the on-call room. Anger boiled in the pit of her stomach but she knew his concern was justified.

She needed to talk. She just needed one person in this entire hospital to hear her side of the story. She knew she had made a bad choice, she had regretted leaving Callie from the second she had signed her name at the bottom of that note. But, no one knew why she'd left, did they?

It was the kind of story where she couldn't fudge the details. She had to start in the summer before first grade and continue until just before Med school.

Then the trial… That would be awful, there was too much to tell, too much to explain

Exhaling, Arizona slumped against the on-call room bed and let her eyelids flutter closed.

* * *

**(Flashback)**

"_Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?" The man intoned as Arizona repeated the phrasing and nodded her affirmation._

_She was on the witness stand, staring out at the courtroom filled with her childhood friends, her family, and a boy she used to know. A boy she used to love. Not like that, they were never together. But he had been like her brother. In a way, he was her Mark. She ran to him when she had problems, he had become a surrogate member of their family. And she had to condemn him. _

_The prosecutor stood up, wearing a somber expression as he faced Arizona on the stand. _

"_You've known the accused since you started first grade?" _

"_Yes." Arizona answered quietly._

"_How close were you?" He asked, flipping through a folder in his hands before fixing his calculated gaze on Arizona's face._

_How close? What was she supposed to say? He was the first person she had told that she was gay? He had yelled at Jenna Shellburn in the fourth grade for making Arizona cry. He had pretended to be her boyfriend for a week in high school so she could avoid the various rumors that had been circulating around her school. He had held her hand during her brother's funeral. She couldn't say all that, those were just infinitesimal pieces of their lives. They made a difference though. No, she was supposed to give short, concise answers._

"_Close." Arizona stated simply. "He was my best friend," she added. _

_How could she express such a friendship in so many words? She couldn't share all the little moments that create a bond between them. She couldn't explain how close, she was unable to define it. Friendship simply 'is,' it can't be quantified for courtroom documents._

"_You two went to the same college, correct?" Arizona nodded, but the prosecutor frowned. "I need a verbal answer please, Ms. Robbins."_

"_That is correct."_

"_Did the defendant ever offer you drugs?" The prosecutor had gotten to the meat of his questions, the folder was forgotten and it was a twisted game of cat and mouse. Arizona felt trapped, the railings of the witness stand had become her cage. _

"_No." She answered honestly, staring back at the prosecutor._

"_Did you ever see the defendant in possession of illegal substances, drugs... etc?"_

_Arizona finally looked at him. He looked up at her, his familiar warm brown eyes and his crooked smile sent waves of nostalgia coursing through her body. But, slowly he nodded. He knew her well enough to know how much this was hurting her. HE gave her permission, Arizona held onto that simple nod for the next few months. Using it to rationalize her guilt. He had given her permission. _

"_Yes." Arizona answered and a collective gasp emanated from the seated courtroom. Arizona saw her mother slumped over in her chair, her father's arm was around her shoulders but his expression was completely blank. Almost in disbelief._

_For them, it was as if they were losing a second child. For Arizona, she was losing her brother, all over again._

_

* * *

_

"What on earth am I supposed to do Mark?" Callie asked, as she collapsed against the armrest on the sofa in the attending's lounge. "She's here. I don't know why, I don't know why she left in the first place…" Callie groaned and rested her head on Mark's shoulders.

"You could talk with her?" Mark suggested coyly, earning a smack from his best friend.

"When did you get so level headed? Sometimes this 'new you' is annoying," Callie grouched eliciting a laugh.

"Then, stop asking me for advice," he shrugged and made an effort to get off the sofa but Callie latched into his arm and flashed him an apologetic smile.

"Fine. Sorry," she frowned. "Still… I still have no idea why she's back, and that freaks me out."

"Callie, it's extremely obvious why she's here," Mark eyed his friend suggestively but Callie still looked confused.

"What- me?" Callie laughed self deprecatingly, "yeah. The head of PEDs at the top ranked hospital in the nation gives it all up because after a year of not talking to me, she misses me."

"I think you'd be surprised Callie," she ignored him, laughing off what she felt to be an extremely absurd idea.

"I bet Webber offered her a salary raise or something… what could he have offered her to lure her back here?" Her brow furrowed thoughtfully but Mark merely shook her head and frowned down at the brunette.

"Does Arizona seem like the person who would pack up her entire life for a salary raise?" Callie's eyes narrowed and her lips quirked down into a frown.

"No. But she packed up her bags and left for no apparent reason a year ago, so obviously I have no idea what she would do."

"Do you still love her?" He asked bluntly, wary of Callie's rambling ways. Abruptly she stiffened against his shoulder and slowly stood up. Walking back and forth in front of him slowly for about a minute she finally stopped and stood facing him.

"I don't' know… For the longest time, I would just imagine what it would be like if she would come back. I would have given anything, but now… It's too complicated." Callie sighed. "I don't know Mark… I paged her today, I didn't even really need a consult. It was a simple fix; even that baboon Mercy-Wester could have fixed it. I just… I wanted an excuse to see her, but then she came and I couldn't even talk to her…"

"I think you two should talk. As much as I hate her for leaving, she should be able to tell you why. If anything it'll give you closure at least." Callie nodded before a crooked smile slipped across her face.

"Thanks Mark…" She flashed him a genuine grin before heading toward the door.

"Are you going to talk to her?" Mark asked, but Callie shook her head and grabbed the door handle, pausing only to utter a few words.

"I think I've figured out what to do."

"And that is…?"

"I can't think about her Mark. Right now I can't deal with this. She's been in my head all day. I see blonde hair, I think of her. I see blue eyes, I see hers. I see a child, I think about PEDs, then I think of her… Hell, Mark if I even see the color pink it makes me think about that stupid scrub cap of hers." There was a tinge of desperation in her tone but she needed to get out of there.

"Then what are you going to do Callie?" He asked softly. He had seen Callie like this twice before, once after Erica, and once after Arizona. She had gotten past it though, but if she was 'relapsing' he knew exactly where she'd go.

"I'm going to forget her, just for tonight." She was begging him to understand, and he did, but he hated that Arizona Robbins could do this to her.

"So you're going to Joe's," he stated and Callie's gaze hardened before she shrugged and headed out of the door.

* * *

Callie slid smoothly into the empty barstool next to a brunette. She signaled for Joe to bring them both drinks, flashing the trademark smile she knew made most women weak at the knees. The woman returned her smile, accepting the drink with a flirtatious grin.

Arizona watched from across the bar, bitterly swirling the contents of the glass in front of her as she tried to keep her eyes away from Callie. The Callie who was at that moment, flirting very obviously with a mousy looking brunette at the bar. Arizona decided that the object of Callie's affections was mousy… yes mousy, and quite hideous actually. Except, she wasn't, Arizona realized as she took a sip of her beer. She was beautiful in every sense of the word, and she was putty in Callie's hands. Great. Just Great. She didn't get to be jealous, Callie wasn't _hers _anymore. Despite her convictions Arizona felt the infamous 'Green eyed monster' clawing through her thoughts as she watched Callie lean in a whisper something in the brunette's ear.

She didn't even know why she was there. Arizona had needed an escape from the dull surroundings of the hotel room she currently occupied. Joe's Bar had seemed like a reasonable destination. However, she had forgotten about how much time certain surgeons spent at that bar.

Callie placed her lightly on the brunette's arm, feeling a shiver course through the woman's body under her touch. She didn't know the woman's name. She didn't care. Every time she looked toward the woman next to her she saw Arizona. She saw those piercing blue eyes and Arizona's famous dimples. As much as she tried to push her EX girlfriend out of her mind, Arizona seemed to be haunting her, and it made Callie even more determined to forget.

Arizona's fingers tightened around the glass she was holding as both woman stood up simultaneously. Callie laughed at a comment the woman made, placing her hand on the brunette's back and guiding toward the door. Arizona felt an overwhelming urge to either throw something very breakable, or punch someone. Thankfully she did neither and simply watched, it was painfully obvious where the two women were headed.

Callie wasn't _hers_ anymore.

Out of the corner of her eye, Callie saw Arizona sitting alone at the bar, fiddling with the rim of the bowl of peanuts and looking deep in thought. For a moment, Callie thought it was just her buzzed brain playing tricks on her, until at that moment Arizona turned around. She fixed Callie with that same blue-eyed gaze that she had been missing for a year. Arizona had tried to apologize. Callie knew that. She could see it now, in Arizona's expression, the regret and hurt swirled in her eyes. Arizona was pleading with her, silently, and she could see it those blue eyes, but at the brunette's urging Callie tore her gaze away.

Arizona turned her gaze back to the rough surface of the bar, draining her drink in one long gulp. She signaled Joe to bring her another,

"Tequila," she requested with a forced smile, determined to drown the image of Callie and _that _woman out of her mind. They were gone, probably halfway to Callie's apartment by now.

Arizona tilted her head back, washing away thoughts of her ex as the burning liquid coursed down her throat.

_It still wasn't enough._

_

* * *

_

The next morning, Arizona opened her eyes, immediately shutting them tightly as the sunlight seared her retinas. Her head was pounding, a dull throbbing ache that seemed to make forming coherent thoughts impossible. Wincing, she slowly raised her eyelids, letting the burning light in, one fraction at a time.

Groaning, Arizona stretched out her aching limbs. Flopping back onto her stomach, she buried her face back into the blankets and tried desperately to recollect the events from last night. She remembered Callie… Callie and _that _woman… And she remembered alcohol, lots of it.

She reaching across the bed to pull the covers back around herself but she stiffened as her fingers collided with something solid.

Sitting up abruptly, the pounding in her head increased from her quick movements but she stared numbly down at the space beside her. The space that was _supposed_ to be empty.

There was someone… A woman. Sleeping next to her.

_**Every time you leave with her**_

_**Something inside me dies**_

_**

* * *

**_

**MFEO, guys, just remember MFEO**

**I know it's still a bit complicated and jumbled but Arizona is finally going to explain everything to someone next chapter.**


	4. Heartless

**A/N: Fast updating time! Whoot... sort of.. but.. yeah... Thanks so much for all of the reviews last chapter ;)**

**Also, if you watch Skins? Do you? Well then, you might see a skins reference in here.. or sort of a reference to a skins character…. I suppose. Look hard XD**

**SPOILER ALERT (for private practice): The Private Practice finale! Made me freaking cry, I never cry at TV shows… books or movies, but I'm seriously going to miss Dell…**

**This chapter is a bit, lighter than the rest of this story until the end.**

**I was listening to the Kris Allen version of this song and somehow it reminded me of this story… hmm…**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Four: Heartless**

_**How could you be so Dr. Evil  
You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know  
I decided we weren't gonna speak so why we up 3 a.m. on the phone  
Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don't know she's hot and cold  
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,  
You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me  
They say that they don't see what you see in me  
You wait a couple months then you gon' see,  
You'll never find nobody better than me**_

_**In the night I hear 'em talk,  
The coldest story ever told,  
Somewhere far along this road  
He lost his soul  
To a woman so heartless...  
How could you be so heartless...  
oh How could you be so heartless?**_

_**-'Heartless' by Kanye West**_

_**

* * *

**_

Callie slipped on a shirt, tugging a fabric over her skin before rummaging through her closet to pull out a pair of pants. She pulled them on, ignoring the slumbering figure in her bed and shutting the bedroom door softly behind her. Her sock-clad feet sliding over the carpet, she had wanted to make a quiet escape to the hospital to shower and start rounds but apparently Cristina was having none of that.

"You're _not _leaving her here." Cristina stated bluntly standing in front of the brunette and blockeing her pathway to the door.

"Who?" Callie's face scrunched up in confusion and she looked around the apartment for a moment before comprehension dawned across her expression.

"Your sex friend in there," Cristina pointed toward Callie's bedroom. "I don't have to be into the hospital for two hours and I am _not _dealing with your sloppy seconds when they wake up and wonder where you are!"

"You don't have to _deal _with her," Callie replied in a hushed but forceful whisper as her foot tapped impatiently against the ground. "Just tell her there was an emergency at the hospital or something and I had to leave… You're not my babysitter Cristina. Stay out of it."

"Babysitter? No, I'm just sick and tired with dealing with your crappy second choices stumbling around our apartment, half hung-over, and wondering where the heck _you_ are."

"So don't. We're adults Cristina, they'll understand." Callie huffed as she strode around Cristina, she paused in the doorway and turned back to the livid resident. "And… they're _not _'sloppy seconds'."

"Please," Cristina scoffed without thinking. "Anyone except your Dr. Perky? To you, they'll _always_ be your sloppy seconds."

Callie's face hardened and her fingers clenched on the door handle before she simply shook her head and wrenched the door open, pausing once in the doorway to utter a parting remark.

"She's not _mine _anyone Cristina," Callie said with a grim finality as she slammed the door behind her.

"Wait Callie, I don't-" Cristina called as the door slammed. "Shit," she muttered her she turned her gaze toward Callie's bedroom door. "This is so not worth it."

Stalking over to the kitchen counter she fixed herself a bowl of cereal, casting annoyed looks at her roommate's bedroom door until low and behold a few minutes later someone emerged.

"Uhm… Hello?" A tall brunette woman appeared in the living room, clutching a jacket and looking curiously at Cristina.

"Yes?" Cristina replied snidely as she took another giant bite of cereal, fixing the brunette with a bored stare.

"Do you know where… uhm… Callie is?"

"She's probably gone by now…" Cristina had decided to have some vindictive fun, as she rested her cheek on her palm and watched the brunette standing nervously in the living room.

"Gone?"

Cristina nodded gravely, "She was about to ship off on her next mission." Attempting to assume an expression of sadness she could barely contain her laughter as the brunette's expression grew more and more confused.

"Mission?" Cristina snorted; obviously this woman wasn't very bright.

"Yeah, she didn't tell you? Callie was about to head out to uhm… Timbuktu… Yeah! Timbuktu, she's a international spy for the US government…"

"Really?" The woman looked doubtful, "I thought she was a surgeon."

"Oh no," Cristina waved her spoon in the air grandly. "That's just her cover. Callie's not even her real name… Her real name is… uh… Mildred."

"Are you sure?" The woman crossed her arms over her chest and cast her eyes around the apartment, obviously looking for some evidence.

"Oh!" Cristina's eyes widened, in mock horror "I wasn't supposed to tell! Please, you have to swear you won't tell anyone!"

The woman still looked doubtful but she eyed Cristina with a surprised glance. "Uhm… Sure… I won't tell."

"Good," Cristina got up and opened the door for the woman, practically shoving her out of the door. "You have to leave, it's not safe here anymore," she hissed under her breath with theatrical caution. "Callie- I meant Mildred, is being hunted by another group of spies."

"Okay," The woman hurried out into the hallway, Cristina stood in the doorway for a moment, wide-eyed and trying desperately to contain her laughter. "Hey, when she gets back… from Timbuktu, could you tell her to call me?"

"If she makes it out alive," Cristina stifled her laughter and nodded seriously.

* * *

Arizona stared down at the woman next to her, sleeping soundly in _her _hotel room. What the hell happened last night? Running a hand through her messy blonde curls the clock sitting on her bedside table caught Arizona's attention and she practically jumped out of bed. She was already ten minutes late for rounds. Only three weeks back on the job and she was already late. Wincing as waves of pain pounded out a dull beat in her skull, she stilled her movements; worried about waking the mystery woman up as she rummaged through her still unpacked suitcase and pulling out a few articles of clothing.

After she had changed clothes, Arizona reached across to the bedside table. She grabbed a pad of hotel stationary and the pen and scribbled a hasty note to the woman next to her. The pen tapped nervously against the paper as Arizona realized she didn't even know the woman's name.

Sighing in frustration Arizona tossed the pen and paper back down onto the bed with a half- completed note as she began hurriedly looking around for her purse.

"What are you doing?" An unfamiliar voice asked from the bed as Arizona stood up, triumphantly clutching her purse after looking for it for a full five minutes.

"Uh..." Arizona paused for a moment, her purse dropping to the floor as she looked like a deer caught in headlights before she caught herself. "I'm sorry, I'm really late for work… I didn't ah… umm… I don't remember-"

"We didn't sleep together," the woman replied, cutting off Arizona's rant with an amused smile.

"Oh." Inside, Arizona breathed a deep sigh of relief before the confusion returned, full force. "Then what…"

"I remember being very, _very _drunk." The woman laughed easily, oblivious to Arizona's anxiety. "But, I'm pretty sure we just collapsed. I mean, I'm wearing clothes, and… so are you." The woman's eyes traced up Arizona's body before settling on the anxious expression on the blonde's face.

"Oh… well that's good." Arizona nodded her head with a quick, jerk before retrieving her purse from the floor. "I'm sorry… I really have to go to work. There's some food in the other room, if you want…"

The other woman shook her head before extricating herself from the covers and walking toward the bedroom door. "Nah. I think I'll just head out. We could get coffee together sometime, or something, without all the alcohol. What's your name anyway?" She offered but Arizona stiffened.

"My name is Arizona… but, I'm sorry, but I-"

"It's okay," The other woman reached over and snagged the piece of paper from the bed on which Arizona had been trying to write a note. She smirked when she read the half completed message but flipped to the other page and scribbled out a phone number and a name. She handed Arizona the paper, with a small smile.

"Call me, when you're over her." She smirked, and leaned over giving the frozen Arizona kiss on the cheek before walking out of the bedroom door. Arizona remained still until she heard the front door to the hotel room slam before she snapped back to reality. Looking down at the note clutched in her hand, she tossed it carelessly on the table, intending wholeheartedly to forget about the random stranger she had apparently dragged back to her apartment last night.

_Call me,_

_1-567-635-7787_

_Xx_

_Mandy_

_

* * *

_

Cristina took a grateful bite of her sandwich; she had been stuck in surgery for four hours to lunch was a welcome reprieve despite her constant desire to cut things. Beside her, an empty tray slammed down on the table with a loud clang and Cristina looked up to see a livid orthopedic surgeon staring down at her.

"You…!" Callie seemed at loss for a words for a moment but she quickly regained her voice. "You told her my 'real' name is Mildred I'm actually an international spy, going to Timbuktu?" She hissed, Cristina pushed her chair a few inches away from the brunette who, she remember, broke bones for a living.

"In my defense, I thought I was doing you a favor. And, you weren't supposed to find out." Cristina replied, trying to fake nonchalance as she took another bite of her sandwich.

"She works at the hospital, Cristina!"

"Oh." Cristina shrugged. "Well, you could've told me."

"Where do you get off, messing with me?" Callie glared down at the cardio resident.

"If you leave random woman in our apartment, you forfeit your right to lecture me." Cristina replied, "I debated telling her you were actually an astronaut headed to the moon, but that seemed too farfetched." She assumed a thoughtful expression, "Maybe I'll use that for the next one."

Callie let out a disgusted sigh, "You know what? If this is your twisted idea of trying to help, like trying to mess it up so I'll stop bringing back woman to the apartment then-"

"Don't read too much into it Callie," Cristina snorted and took another bite of her sandwich. "If you want compassion, move in with Izzie."

"Fine." Callie sighed, sitting down in the chair opposite Cristina and glaring at the resident, debating if she was actually finished being mad.

"I don't get it." Cristina stated after a few minutes of silence. "You're dragging all these weird women back to out apartment- and I mean really Cal, she _believed_ my spy story, what does that tell you?- but if you're trying to forget _her_ than badly then why don't you just talk to her?"

"Don't read too much into Cristina," Callie mocked with a snide laugh before settling back down in her chair.

"You haven't answered the question," Cristina pressed as she finished her sandwich and crumbled the wrapped onto her tray.

"I don't need to forget her, we just work together. I barely see her anyway." Callie muttered, as she reached across the table and stole a few of Cristina's chips.

"Hey!" Cristina yanked the bag away before eating a couple and fixing Callie with another glare. "You're lying. And, I'm just warning you, next time I'm telling the girl you're a drug lord or something and she'll probably call the police."

"You know what? I might actually prefer Izzie," Callie replied as she stood up, grabbing her empty tray and walked out of the cafeteria.

"I like Mildred better!" Cristina yelled at the retreated orthopedic surgeon before she settled back down into her char with a triumphant smile.

Callie had pulled ER duty, no one seemed to be in need of a hardcore orthopedic surgery this afternoon so Bailey, in all of her attending glory had assigned Callie to the ER. She was sitting at the desk, waiting for the phone to ring while doodling on one of the charts laying on the desk when a familiar figure, with distinctive blue eyes and blonde curls, walked up to the desk.

"Uhm... Callie, can I talk to you?" Callie looked up at Arizona, immediately dropping the chart and attempting to seem professional and more busy than she actually was.

"I'm busy, sorry." Arizona cast a knowing glance around the empty ER before raising her eyebrow in the brunette's direction.

"It doesn't look-"

"Fine. What do you want?" Callie asked sharply, trying not to feel guilty when Arizona winced.

"I thought maybe… I could… explain something," Arizona bit her lip, looking down at her ex-girlfriend with a mixture of nerves and hope swirling in her blue eyes.

"Okay." Callie tried to appear uninterested. "So… talk."

"Callie I-"

"Fine." Callie stood up, walking past Arizona to the nearest on-call room and waiting by the door for Arizona to follow her. When they were both inside and the blonde had locked the door behind her, Callie turned to Arizona. "You wanted to talk. Talk."

"I used to have a best friend…" Arizona began as Callie watched her from across the room. "His name was Matthew… All through first grade to the end of college he was my best friend, sort of my surrogate brother after a while..."

"Arizona, I don't have time for this-"

"Yes. Callie, Yes you do." Arizona replied firmly, despite the tremble in her voice. "I need you to let me…"

When Callie didn't reply, Arizona took a deep breath and continued.

"He was like my Mark," Callie raised an eyebrow, but Arizona quickly shook her head. "Not like that. He was the person I ran to when things were bad," Callie face softened at this, she could understand that kind of relationship. "In college he got mixed up with the wrong people. I caught him with drugs more than once, but he always assured me it was completely safe... Just occasional use or something stupid like that… I don't know why I believed him… but I did. I Then… Two days after graduation, he… overdosed. He went to the hospital and he promised he would fix himself, give up the drugs. A few years later he enlisted with the Marines… He promised me that the next time I saw him, he would be a different person."

"I don't see why I need to know this-" Callie began but Arizona but her off.

"That letter you opened a year ago. It was a court subpoena. I was being called to testify _against _him. He had gotten back from deployment, and fallen in with the same people again… I couldn't tell you… I don't know why, but there was too much history there and my family needed me to be there… I didn't think that would have to be goodbye for us. I was going to call, but… a few days before the sentencing he overdosed again. I have no idea how he got the drugs, no one does… He died, he…" Arizona stopped, he voice was quivering too much to form coherent sentences, but Callie needed to know.

"Arizona…" Callie voice trailed off, as Arizona fell apart in front of her…

"You're punishing me, ignoring me. I get it, I don't ever expect anything from you… but you should know, I've been punishing myself for a year now… and I don't want-"

"Why didn't you come back?" Callie asked quietly.

"I… I can't explain it… I just shut down… You didn't need that in your life."

"I'm sorry Arizona," Callie murmured, they stood for a few minutes just staring at each other but Callie straightened up and pulled the door open, preparing to head back to the ER.

"You're just going... back?" Arizona asked softly as Callie stood in the doorway, refusing to meet Arizona's gaze.

"I'm glad you told me, I know it was hard for you and I'm so sorry that you were in so much pain… but, you thought I didn't need, or want, you because you had shut down? That's what you thought? You thought you were so upset that I was, what? Going to run off? I'm always going to be some newborn to you, some emotional train wreck. Maybe, you're right Arizona. I needed you, but I don't need _this." _Callie answered, her voice calm as she stood in the doorway, clutching the handle.

"No, Callie I-" Arizona called out, but the door had already shut behind her.

* * *

Arizona numbly scrolled through her messages on her cell phone, the buttons clicking loudly in the empty on-call room as the scrolled up and down the list. Twenty six messages, they were all there. She tried to find some fault in Callie's logic. Why hadn't she gone back… Why hadn't she realized that she had always holding Callie's at arms length, afraid to push her too much and scare her away. She thought she was protecting Callie, or something ridiculous like that but she had destroyed herself.

On the other side of the hospital, Callie had finally found an orthopedic case. Someone had broken their leg, it wasn't serious, but it was a welcome distraction.

"Hey," the woman greeted Callie cheerfully as Callie stepped into the room.

"Hello," Callie replied, picking up her chart and scanning the listed information. "Mandy, right?" The woman nodded, and Callie flashed her a smile. "So, how did you break your leg?"

"Oh," The woman laughed. "I woke up totally hung-over in some woman's bed, after way too much alcohol last night. Anyway, said hangover inhibited my depth perception... I was just careless and I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs in my apartment."

Callie winced, "I can empathize with that. I mean, the hung-over carelessness, not the broken foot." Callie began wrapping the setting for the plaster cast around the woman's leg as the brunette chatted aimlessly away.

"Yeah, I barely remembered anything… Not even her name, although she told me it was Arizona, this morning… funny, name, huh?" Callie stiffened, Arizona? The Arizona? Her ex-Arizona?

_Wow. She sure had wasted no time._ Callie thought snidely as she continued wrapping the leg in stony silence.

"Yeah," Callie replied in a cold voice, as she finished setting the leg and wrapping the cast material around the appendage. "Keep still, okay? I'm going to page another doctor to look after you for a little bit, okay?"

Mandy nodded, looking at her curiously.

A few minutes later, Arizona rushed into the room, expecting something more than a broken foot as she had been paged 911.

"Arizona!" Mandy exclaimed as Arizona stood dumfounded in the doorway, looking between a detached Orthopedic surgeon and the woman that she had woken up with this morning. Wait.

"Mandy… uhm... hey? What happened?"

Callie let out a disbelieving sigh from the corner and handed Arizona the chart, It took about two seconds for Arizona to make the connection between the expression of Callie's face and what she must be thinking, but it was too late.

"I thought I'd leave this to you," Callie said evenly as she stalked out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: Ohhh... At least Why Arizona left is mostly explained, there's still a bit more of her history to explain but that's mostly it. **

**I have a surprisingly un-busy homework week so, New History will probably be updated tomorrow again, because I had an idea for a new chapter that involves 'Team Awesome' so... yeah XD**

**(You guys WILL get the happy Calzona ending, it just might take a bit)**

**Reviews=Love :D**


	5. Magnets

**A/N: So, I'm not gonna lie… This story kind of got forgotten in the miz of New History and Butterflies and Hurricanes… oops.**

**This update is also tragically short… Which kind of sucks but I needed this little bit to happen before what's going to happen next. Okay?**

**Happy time are a'comin people, XD Don't worry.**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

**Chapter Five: Magnets**

_**Love is our resistance**_  
_**They keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down**_  
_**And hold me, our lips must always be sealed**_

_**If we live our life in fear**_  
_**I'll wait a thousand years**_  
_**Just to see you smile again**_

**-The Resistance by Muse**

**

* * *

**

"Callie!" The door slammed behind her, echoing loudly through the empty hallway as Arizona chased after the disappearing brunette. "Callie, hey!" Callie didn't even turn her head, didn't even acknowledge that she had a desperate blonde chasing her down the hallway. "I can explain… I"

Arizona reached out, her fingers briefly catching on the fabric of Callie's lab coat before she pulled her hand back.

"It's… not… what… you… think…" Her breath came in short gasps from her marathon dash up the hallway, but her efforts had been rewarded. Callie had stopped. She hadn't moved a muscle in Arizona's direction. But, she had stopped. That was good enough for Arizona at that moment.

"What is it then?" Callie turned around, keeping her hands jammed into her coat pockets. Her voice was cold, bored. "Explain it all away, Arizona. Go on, try me."

Her chest constricted at the anger swirling in Callie's brown eyes. Callie wasn't supposed to look at her like that… People you love are never supposed to look at you like that.

"I didn't sleep with her." She saw the disbelief in Callie's eyes at her denial, and a crooked smirk appeared over the brunette's lips.

"Sure." Arizona's heart sank. "Sure you didn't. You really expect me to believe that a woman woke up drunk, in your bed… and you _didn't_ sleep with her."

"I… um… yes." She stuttered, hoping beyond hope that that one stupid, useless syllable would have an effect. It didn't.

What else was she supposed to say?

"You're out of luck then." Callie said, not even attempting to disguise her loathing. She threw Arizona a glare that sliced through any defenses Arizona had attempted to construct with the ease of a ten blade making the first cut in a surgery. Quick. Easy. Painful.

"You can't condemn me for this!" Arizona yelled after the retreating form. "Not when you've done the same… You can't condemn me for _this_…" She muttered, more to herself that to Callie. But, something in her words inspired a reaction. Though, to Arizona's misfortune, it was an angry one.

"I've done the same?" The words were laced with venom as Callie turned around, brown eyes meeting blue in a glaring exchange. One gaze was begging, pleading, the other was accusing… betrayed.

Arizona nodded defiantly. This, this anger? This was better than being ignored. She could take Callie yelling at her, hating her… She just couldn't take Callie pretending she didn't exist. She couldn't take Callie denying what they had once had… So, she would take this. And, she would throw it right back.

"I had forgotten," Callie spat. "You're right obviously. I disappeared for a year. I ignored you. I didn't reply to single call or text… Don't you dare tell me I've done the same, Arizona."

"Last night, at the bar." Arizona reminded her. "You went home with some brunette…"

"It's different." To Arizona's surprise, she saw no guilt on Callie's face. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Well, that's great, isn't it?

"How on earth is it different?" Anger boiled in the pit of Arizona's stomach, spilling over into her words. She had wanted to explain, not yell. She was supposed to protect the things she loved, not destroy them.

"I'm not the one who left." Callie yelled, taking an involuntary step foreword. I'm not the one who came back a year later expecting god knows what… I moved on. But, you came back, and I don't know _why."_

"I didn't sleep with Mandy." Arizona repeated numbly. "But, you slept with whatever her name was… Why do I get blamed, _why_ am I the bad guy?"

"You're the bad guy," Callie explained, with a strange calm in her voice. But, Arizona knew her well enough to hear a storm brewing behind her words. "Because, you ran off for a year. But sure… Go ahead, Arizona. Yell at me." Callie's eyes flashed a challenged toward the blonde but Arizona just shook her head, not understanding…

"Why would I-"

"I slept with 'whatever her name was.' So fine, make me the bad guy. I moved on, Arizona, but I'd like to hear why exactly what I've been doing is wrong." Brown eyes fixed on her face, waiting for a reaction. "Yell at me for moving on. Yell at me for not waiting for you, _for a year._ Yell at me for when I stopped leaving you messages or texting you… Yell at me for sleeping with someone else… Yell. At. Me."

Arizona wanted to cry. She really did. But, she bit back the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes and made an effort to contain the tremors she knew would mar her voice.

"I'm not going to yell at you for that, Calliope." Her teeth bit into her lip as Callie continued to watch her. She could feel that brown eyed gaze tracing her face, wanting to pounce if she even caught a hint of a reaction. "Sorry…" She brought her gaze up to meet Callie's, colliding hardened stares brown and blue. "I meant Callie."

If Callie looked taken aback, it was only for a second before she rearranged her expression into the fierce mask. But, Arizona had seen it.

"Then, we're done here." Callie remarked, attempting nonchalance and forcing her shoulders into a shrug.

"No." Arizona looked down at the floor tiles for a minute, blinking furiously before tearing her gaze away and looking up. "I said, you couldn't condemn me for this. I won't let you blame me for something I didn't, and would_ never_ do, Callie. If you need something to be angry at me for-"

"Arizona, I don't _need_ something to be angry at you for," her voice lowered slightly as she looked almost sadly back at her ex girlfriend. "I have plenty."

"Not this, though? You can't throw away what we had because of_ this_. This.. stupid misunderstanding… Do it because I ran away, do it because I never called you… not even once… but… Just not this." She had now idea why she was begging for this. What was one more ounce of hatred between the two of them? Nothing, really. But, it was almost a matter of pride. Callie could yell, she could rant and rage but Arizona faced her, because she knew that was what she deserved. She didn't deserve this.

She couldn't let Callie think she had been betrayed again. Callie didn't deserve that. After what she had done, she wanted to spare Callie this one last thing.

"I can't have another reason hanging over my head. I can't let you believe I would do that to you…" Arizona pleaded, not daring to look away from the mix of emotions running across Callie's face.

"Okay." Callie replied softly, sensing a change in the air between them. She was willing to give Arizona this. "Not this."

"Thank you," came the quiet reply as Arizona turned her gaze away, waiting for Callie to walk off down the hallway. At first she heard the footsteps she had been dreading, but then they slowed, and stopped.

She reluctantly lifted her gaze, expecting Callie to deliver one final, horrible, insult that she knew, deep down, she deserved.

"You don't wear your Heeleys anymore." It was more of a statement than a question, but Arizona felt compelled to answer. After all the nicknames (roller-girl), all the jokes she had endured, all of the dire predictions Callie had made about her breaking some bone or the glares Bailey had shot in her direction she felt the need to explain the absence of her rather iconic footwear.

"No… not since… Well, you know… I just can't find the magic anymore…" She watched as the frown lessened slightly over the brunette's features.

"You'll find it again." Callie replied quietly before she turned and walked off down the hall without a backward glance. Arizona listened as the footsteps faded until she could hear no trace of Callie Torres echoing through the hallways.

"_You_ were my magic." Arizona muttered quietly to herself. "More than you even know, Calliope Torres."

Dejectedly, Arizona walked back to Mandy's room, opened the door and immediately slumped into a chair by the brunette's bedside. She could feel Mandy watched her for a few moments before she reached out grabbing the chart and pretending to busy herself with the paperwork.

"So… that was her?" Mandy asked with a mischievous grin. "The one who broke your heart?"

"Please… Just… don't." Arizona managed a small smile. It was forced, but she was grateful that Mandy didn't seem to be able to tell.

"She's hot." The woman stated. Stating the obvious, in Arizona's opinion. "But she seemed kinda bitchy."

"I deserve worse." Arizona replied, snapping the chart shut and replacing it on the edge of Mandy's bedside. "Much worse."

* * *

**(Flashback: The night before, Callie)**

_She felt fingers in her hair, tugging her closer, inviting her in for a kiss. She closed her eyes, feeling a pair of lips met hers. A tongue forced its way between her lips, deepening the kiss that Callie was trying her very hardest to enjoy._

_But, she couldn't. _

_Every time they kissed all Callie could think about were how they were the wrong lips. How the brown eyes staring at her weren't the familiar, deep blue she had used to want to do nothing more than drown in. How, the hair trailing between her fingers wasn't soft, blonde curls… no, it was brown… a pretty brown… but just… brown._

_There should be nothing wrong. She didn't even know this woman's name, she didn't want to, but she was gorgeous. _

_Apparently, that didn't matter as she wasn't Arizona. _

_Callie pulled away, and even in her slightly buzzed state she could see the bewilderment and hurt cross the woman's face._

"_Sorry," she murmured, backing away a few feet. Putting some distance between them. "I can't."_

"_C'mon." The woman attempted a seductive grin, edging closer to Callie until she was mere centimeters away. "You wanted it a few minutes ago."_

"_Well… not anymore." Callie edged away again, making sure there was more space between them this time. "I'm sorry, really… I am…" She wasn't._

_She wasn't sorry. She was freaking furious. How on earth did Arizona manage to invade every part of her life? She had left, didn't that mean Callie was supposed to move on? Why did Arizona have to make it so hard. Why wouldn't she just get out of her head?_

_Callie knew she couldn't blame Arizona for this… Not really. But, somehow she still did… Arizona's return had complicated what had been just beginning to unravel itself to her. She had been getting over the blonde, finally when she just had to come marching back._

_A pout twisted the woman's lips. "You sure?" _

"_Yep." She replied firmly. The pout was all wrong. The grin was all wrong. There were no dimples, no hint of a teasing grin behind those puppy dog eyes. _

"_Listen," Callie pointed to the bed. "You take the bed, if you want… You really shouldn't drive… I guess… And it's late… I'll take the… uh… floor."_

_The woman eyed her for a second, before nodding and kicking off her shoes and her shrugging off her coat before slipping under the covers. Callie was relieved and she followed suit, before hunting through her closet for a blanket and a spare pillow. _

"_You can have half the bed, you know. I'm not going to like… jump you… or whatever. "The offer was snide, but Callie could understand that. She would be royally pissed off to if it had been her in that situation. _

"_Thanks." She muttered, crawling beneath the covers and moving as far to one side of the bed as she possibly could._

"_Who was she?" Came a question from the other side of the bed a few minutes later._

"_No one." Callie answered, not even trying to play dumb. "She was no one."_

_

* * *

_

"What are we going to do?" Cristina nudged Mark, gesturing between the two surgeons, one blonde, one brunette who were sitting at opposite ends of the cafeteria, as far apart as physically possible.

"There isn't anything we can do, Yang," Mark answered, his gaze flickering between the two women. Arizona was practically staring at Callie her gaze barely leaving the brunette for an instant even as she ate her food. Callie on the other hand, was facing away, completely ignoring the blonde and everyone else for that matter.

"Look at her," Cristina wrinkled her nose. "She's like a starving puppy dog… And Callie's a giant bowl of dog food."

"Why do you care so much?" Mark asked, curiously, albeit slightly teasingly. "About the roller girl and Callie? I'm her best friend, so that's my reason, what's yours?"

"I don't care. I'm just sick of kicking random women out of our apartment or waking up to her vomiting in the toilet because she drank all of my tequila." Mark raised an eyebrow. "MY tequila." She repeated for emphasis. "As in, 'not for roommates to drink.'"

"Sure you two aren't… _friends_?" He asked, making it sound like some terrible illness.

"Nope… Couldn't care less about her." Cristina replied, lying through her teeth.

"Sure, Yang… Sure." Cristina narrowed her eyes, shooting him a glare before taking another bite of her sandwich.

"Have they really convinced themselves they don't want to be together anymore?" She asked, ignoring Mark's obvious disregard for her comment about her and Callie's… odd… twisted… 'friendship' status.

"I think so. What Arizona did though," his gaze hardened, as it turned to the blonde in the corner of the cafeteria. "I get why Callie can't forgive that…"

"Eh," Cristina shrugged. "She came back at least."

"But they're like… magnets… They're going to repel each other at first, the way they are right now… but soon…" he slammed his hands together. "They're going to collide, and then… they'll be like those heavy duty magnets that you can't separate… even with like… pliers and stuff. They're going to last… they just don't know it…" He laughed, allowing his eyes to drift between the two of them again. "It's kind of funny, actually."

"That was disgustingly poetic." Cristina informed Mark with a scowl. "But yeah, heavy duty, pink, butterfly shaped… magnets…"

* * *

**A/N: Butterflies and Hurricanes is next... I promise XD**


	6. The Higher we Climb the Farther we Fall

**A/N: OMG :D Yes, that was a reference to giant Mandy (Giant-Not-Naomi XD)…**

**Thanks for all of the reviews guys, seriously 104... :D Love you all!**

**MAJOR angst alert… just sayin'

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Six: The Higher We Climb, the Farther We Fall **

**_Maybe you and me got lost somewhere_  
_We cant move on we can stay here_  
_Maybe we've just had enough_  
_Well maybe we aint meant for this love_  
-Mockingbird by Rob Thomas**

**(One month later…)**

Arizona raised her hand to knock; her closed fist hovering just inches away from the blue door as she bit her lip. She had barely seen Callie since they had fought in the hallway, the day Mandy had been admitted. She wasn't sure if this was too much. She felt as if going to Callie's apartment was crossing some sort of boundary line. They had been polite to each other at the hospital. Perfectly civil. Model colleagues in fact. But this was Callie's territory. This had been a battlefield just a year ago. The sight of her final defeat.

She gave up, took a deep breath and knocked.

As Arizona held her breath and fidgeted with the spare change in her pockets, the door opened. If Cristina was surprised to see her, it didn't show as she merely crossed her arms and watched her curiously.

"I'm not even going to bother asking who you're here to see," she muttered, stepping aside and letting Arizona into the apartment. Arizona walked in, a wave of nostalgia hitting her with every step she took into that painfully familiar apartment. It was suffocating. She saw the iPod speakers in the corner where Callie had switched on _that _song and told her to 'dance it out.' She saw the stove where Callie had tried, unsuccessfully, to teach her how to cook. She saw everything… and to be honest, even after a year it hurt. She had officially lived there for three weeks. Callie had asked her to move in, rambling out the question while Arizona had practically burst with happiness.

And even now, the reasons why she had left it all behind were fresh in her mind. But, they paled in comparison to what she knew she had lost.

"Thanks," the blonde replied quietly.

"In her room," Cristina smirked. "I trust you haven't forgotten where that is." She turned, grabbing a magazine off of the counter before walked back down the hallway in the opposite direction, toward her own room. Arizona saw Meredith's head poking out through the doorway for an instant before it was pulled back and the door slammed shut.

"I haven't," Arizona mumbled, her words disappearing into the empty air of the living room.

She made her way down the hall. Trying not to walk too fast. Trying hard not to remember the countless times she had wandered down this same hallway. She had never done so under these circumstances. She had never done so as a stranger.

And there she was, standing in front of another door, waiting to knock again. This time the hesitation was worse. The urge to turn and run tugged at every inch of her being, but she stood her ground. Her fist collided with the wood three times before she jammed it back into her pocket, trying to keep herself from bolting.

"Come in," a tired voice called from inside.

Now came the hardest part.

Her hand slid down the wood of the door to the doorknob. Her fingers stalled on the metal object for an instant as her last chance of retreat was quickly faded. Taking another deep breath _(she seemed to be doing that quite a lot today)_ she turned it gently, and pushed the door open.

"Cristi-" Callie stopped as she looked up and caught sight of Arizona. "What are you doing here?" To Arizona's relief, the brunette didn't sound angry.

"I wanted to talk… but," she backed up slowly. "You're tired. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come-"

"Arizona," behind the hurt she still saw in Callie's eyes, Arizona saw a hint of amusement. "It's fine."

"Oh… okay…" She stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do with herself.

"You can sit down if you want," Callie remarked, amused.

"Thanks," Arizona murmured, taking a seat hesitantly on the edge of Callie's bed.

"What's up?" Callie asked, almost cautious as she watched Arizona fidget in her lap.

"I wanted to talk to you…"

"You said that already," the brunette pointed out. She sighed. "Look, Arizona. I know things are weird, but really… If you want to talk, please talk."

"Okay," Arizona clenched and unclenched in fingers in her lap. "I kind of wanted to know… you know… what's happening…"

"You _really_ need to be more specific."

"With us," She saw a frown immediately cross Callie's face. "No. I didn't mean… You were really upset when you'd thought I had slept with Mandy. And, I get that… But I have barely seen you for an entire month… I want to know if there's anything still there," she waved her hand between them vaguely. Of course there was still something there. She doubted if there would ever be a time where she could honestly say she felt _nothing _for Callie Torres.

Callie looked at her for a long time before answering.

"You want to know if we both should just move on?" She asked quietly. Arizona nodded; Callie always seemed to have a way to discern meaning from her ramblings that Arizona couldn't always put into words.

"Over the past month I've thought… a lot… about what happened. I think I understand why you left-"

"No." She looked down at her hands, trying to find some shred of that courage she had possessed so much of before she had left. "No you don't. I never told you why… I mean I did, but that's not really why."

"Okaaay," Callie drew the word out, confusion swirling in her brown eyes as she watched Arizona. "Are you going to tell me now?"

"I thought… I guess I thought I could protect you…"

"How very gallant of you," Callie replied dryly, her eyes narrowing as a bit of the old anger seemed to return. "What on earth were you trying to protect me from?"

"Me." Arizona said, her voice rising slightly. "I was protecting you from myself. There was so much you didn't know about me. So much history that I had crammed into a little box in the very back of my head to try to deal with it; but that letter…. It cracked that tiny box and everything just came flooding back. It was all too much."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" She asked, as if it was the simplest solution in the entire world. And to Arizona it really would have been.

"You don't get it. That's the stuff I have never told anyone. It was too big a part of me… I was scared because telling you would have been like, giving such a huge part of myself to you… I wasn't ready to do that…" She paused. "It's like that saying, the higher you climb the farther you fall… Everything was perfect but I had been keeping so much from you that we ended up… falling anyway… I was scared of us… of telling you, because I didn't want us to fall… but it still happened…"

"It's you that doesn't get it." Callie said evenly. "If you have to fall, you're supposed to fall together. We didn't. You _wouldn't_ let us. We fell on opposite sides of the country, Massachusetts and Seattle… Better yet, if you fall, you're supposed to let me catch you."

"I know… it took me a year to realize that… But, I came back… It took me a year to realize that if I wanted to put myself back together again, I needed you," tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. "I'm so sorry… I just…" She quickly dried her cheek with the sleeve of her jacket. "I don't know what else to do… I don't know how to show you how sorry I am… I don't..." her words dissolved as tears streamed down her cheeks. She dropped her gaze to her lap trying to control the shuddering sobs that threatening to claim her body.

Tentatively at first, Callie scooted over. She placed a hand on Arizona's shoulder before giving in and pulling Arizona into her arms. It still struck her how incredibly right it felt, so have Arizona so close to her. So incredibly right and so incredibly terrifying at the same time.

Arizona had stiffened at first but as Callie pulled her close and her head nestled against the brunette's shoulder that one last thread inside of her that had been holding everything together snapped. So, she cried.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry…. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…." She repeated over and over again. She had said those words so many times they had almost lost their meaning but… she had run out of explanations or rationalizations so they were all she really had. That, and the arms holding her together.

"Don't," Callie whispered, unable to resist dropping a kiss onto the top of Arizona's head. "It doesn't matter… I know…"

"I'm sorry," the words tumbled from her lips a final time as her tears finally slowed. She pulled away. It took all the strength she had not to wrap her arms around Callie and hug her back. If she did, she didn't know if she would be able to let go.

Callie shook her head. "Arizona… Arizona it's okay… I forgive you… it might take a while… but I have… okay?"

"Okay," Arizona wiped the sleeve of her jacket across her face again, brushing away the last of the tears that lingered on her cheeks.

"I had been thinking though… what you said… wanting to know if we should move on…" Arizona nodded, dreading the answer. "I… I think we should."

She had been expecting it, she really had.

That didn't mean it didn't still hurt.

"I can't lose you again, Calliope." She breathed, fighting the second onslaught of tears she felt coming. "I love you… I can't stop. You have no idea how much I've tried to stop... it never works."

"You won't lose me," the brunette replied gently. "I'll see you at the hospital… we can be friends… I don't want to lose you either, Arizona… and I wont… but I can't…"

Arizona found herself shaking her head, looking back up at Callie. "I… I need to hear you say it… and I need you to make me hear it… You don't want _us_... anymore?" It was pathetic and cliché, yes, and the blonde was fully aware of that… but all the same… she needed it.

"No…" Callie tore her gaze away. "I don't." She lied.

Arizona pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket, holding it out to Callie. The brunette reached out and took it, a frown creasing her lips as she read the message.

_Call me,_

_1-567-635-7787_

_Xx_

_Mandy_

"What's this? Why would you…" Callie looked up, clutching the note in her hand.

"This is me moving on, Callie. She asked me out on a date, and she gave me her number… I can't feel like I'm cheating on you, Callie… I can't feel guilty if I do call and ask her out… If you don't want me… I need you… I need you to tell me. Should I call her? Will you _care_ if I call her?"

"'I'm always going to want you, Arizona. And I'll always care." Callie replied softly. "But it's something we're going to have to learn to get over… So… Call her. Don't feel guilty. Go on a date. Have a nice time." She held out the paper, placing it in Arizona's outstretched palm.

Arizona had known that was the answer she was going to receive, but she couldn't help feeling that it was the wrong answer.

"I'll miss you," Arizona said, closing her fist around the small piece of paper and shoving it into her back pocket. "I wish…" She didn't know what she wished. She wished for a thousand different ways that this could have worked out differently. She wished she hadn't run away. She wished she had called. And now, to some degree, she wished she hadn't come back.

"I'm not going anywhere," Callie flashed her a sad smile. "We'll see each other at the hospital…"

"So… friends…" Arizona stood up, wanting more than anything in the world for Callie to tell her to stop. To wait. But, she didn't. Arizona's heart beat out a desperate rhythm in her chest, but that was all that filled the silence stretching between them.

Callie stood up, pulling Arizona into a tight hug again. But this time Arizona let herself hug Callie back, knowing she had no choice now. She would have to let go. She buried her face against the fabric of Callie's t-shirt and she felt the brunette's grasp tighten ever so slightly around her body. Callie rested her head on top of Arizona's blonde curls, trying to force herself to pull away, but not being able to.

"I'll miss you too," Callie whispered finally, not even attempting to hide she sadness haunting her eyes.

Arizona just nodded, leaning up and kissing her cheek once before disappearing through the bedroom door.

She almost ran out of the apartment, yanking the blue door open and letting it slam behind her as she walked quickly down the stairs.

That apartment had been the sight of all her battles. She had told Callie she loved her, she had agreed to move in, she had danced it out countless times. It was their battlefield. But even though she knew she had been a 'good man in a storm' she found herself waving the white flag. She surrendered.

* * *

"You're an idiot," Cristina's voice floated through her open door as her roommate appeared in the doorway. She didn't even disguise the fact she had been eavesdropping, Callie didn't have the strength to care.

"I know," Callie's knees buckled and she collapsed onto her bed. "I know…"

"Why don't you do something about it?" Cristina asked, trying her best to look bored.

"It's not that simple Cristina. We're…" She paused, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. "We're going to be friends."

"You and roller girl won't be friends. It doesn't work like that," she said sagely. Callie raised her eyebrows, looking appropriately doubtful. Cristina Yang dispensing dating advice was a _very_ rare occurrence.

"Why won't it work…? I'd rather be friends with her than… never see her," she swallowed as she remembered an Arizona-less Seattle Grace. It had only been a little over a month since the blonde had returned, but Callie had simply been comforted by the fact that Arizona was up a few floors working her PEDs magic and flashing her dimples at her 'tiny humans.' Even during the brief period when she had convinced herself she hated Arizona Robbins more than almost anything, it still felt right to know she was _somewhere _close_._

"It won't work because you'd rather date her above everything else… more than friends, more than colleagues." She shrugged. "Not gonna happen."

"Thanks for the support." Callie muttered, shooting a glare in the brunette's direction.

"I don't do support. But," she tilted her head, looking thoughtful. "I _do _do tequila."

"Cristina, I'm really not-" Her roommate just shook her head, grabbing onto the sleeve of her shirt and pulling her into the living room. She rummaged around in a cabinet, eventually pulling out the telltale bottle and gesturing toward the speakers with her free hand.

"I have to find my iPod," she looked around, handing Callie the bottle. "Hold on."

She disappeared down the hall into her bedroom for a few minutes before returning with her iPod clutched triumphantly in her grasp. "Found it."

"You know," her fingers worked to unscrew the cap of the bottle. "We could have just used my iPod."

"Eh," Cristina rolled her eyes in Callie's direction. "You know how I feel about your musical taste, Cal."

"I do remember you saying something about _sissy_ guitar music for _pansies_ after you saw one song I was listening to." She replied dryly.

"Exactly," Cristina plugged her iPod into the speakers. "So, we use mine."

Cristina beckoned with one hand for the bottle of Tequila as she fiddled with the speaker system. Callie took a drink, feeling the liquid sear down her throat before passing the bottle over. Cristina did the same before handing the bottle back and hitting the play button on her iPod.

No.

_There's a piece of me you can't have_

_And I know it's driving you mad_

_There's a part inside you can't reach_

"Play a different song," Callie demanded, as the all to familiar chords and lyrics played loudly through the apartment. "Cristina!"

"What, Cal?" Cristina practically bounced around the apartment. "It's guitar music, but it's not bad. I thought it was crap at first but the chorus is okay-"

"Play a different fucking song," Callie practically begged as tears formed in the corners of her eyes for the first time that night. Weighted down by the flood of memories that accompanied those lyrics she slumped down onto the sofa. She heard Cristina quickly turn the music off. Then, she heard the brunette take a few tentative steps in her direction.

"Cal… What… I mean, it's just a song… geez…" She felt the couch shift as Cristina sat down beside her.

"It's finally _over._" Callie murmured more to herself that to Cristina. She could practically _feel_ the brunette rolling her eyes."When she was in Massachusetts, it didn't feel over. Now she's here… and it's _over_…"

"It's not over, Callie." Cristina scoffed. "You love her, she loves you… blah blah, rainbows, hearts and roller skates… you and Blondie aren't over. You're just dense."

"I ended it. I told her to go on a date with someone else… It can't really get more over than that," she ran her hand across her cheeks, catching the tears as they slid down her face.

"One of you could die, then it could really be over." Cristina took another drink of Tequila, watching as Callie snuck a glare at her out of the corner of her eye.

"You're a shit friend sometimes, you know..."

"You love me for it." Cristina replied.

"Right now, not so much," came Callie's angry reply. Cristina suppressed a groan at having to playing the _comforting friend_ position and leaned over toward Callie.

"I'm going to tell you this once. Once. If you _ever_ tell anyone else, I will buy you a pair of those ridiculous roller shoes and make you _wear _them." Callie just nodded, not bothering to point out the impossibility of that threat. She could totally take Cristina. "Okay." Cristina seemed to steel herself for a moment before rolling her eyes.

"You two are _that _kind of love. The stupid, rainbows, candy hearts and matching necklaces type. The kind that kids read about in idiotic fairytales, with the princesses and evil dungeons and dragons… except I have never read a fairytale about a princess and a princess… but that's beside the point. That kind of love doesn't just go away because you tell it too, okay? You guys can deny it, but in the end one of you is the prince, who rescues the princess from the castle dungeon and they live happily ever after… and all that crap. You two are going to have that ridiculously cheery happy ever after… So," she held out her hand. "Stop being a idiot who's crying her eyes out, and dance." She pulled Callie upright, turned on a very different song on her iPod and started to jump around again.

* * *

**A/N: It just couldn't be simple, could it?**

**The lyrics in the middle are from Little Pieces by Gomez XD**

**Should Arizona call Mandy? I'm pretty sure the overwhelming answer will be 'NOOOOO!' but... surprise me? =D**

**Reviews=Love**


	7. Baby Steps

**A/N: My lovely reviewers, you seem to really know how to pile on the pressure, don't you? A certain few of you seem to understand this story better than I do… which is extremely daunting… but, I'll do my best :) Thanks for all of the awesome feedback.**

**This chapter it written a bit differently then the way I normally write, but I hope it's okay. As always, wlil edit in the morning... sleeeeep now.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Seven: Baby Steps **

Arizona had been un-packing. She had been un-packing for the past hour, but every time she cleared a box and folded it neatly before placing it in her 'recycle' pile, a new one seemed to materialize in front of her. She didn't mind though. The rhythm was nice, comfortable. She enjoyed the feeling that she was building her own little world in the small apartment she had officially moved into just the other day. Opening box after box of her old possessions, some that she hadn't seen since before she left for Massachusetts, was oddly therapeutic.

She _had_ been un-packing, when her pager beeped. It was early in the morning, on her day off... For an instant she was thankful. The page promised a reprieve from the endless stream of un-opened boxes waiting for her. However, the thankfulness was short lived when the message scrolled across her screen.

_Bailey. ER._

All at once she was grateful for the fact that she had caved and rented an apartment close to the hospital. Admittedly she had done so in order to be able to sleep in later most mornings, but this was the first time out of the three days she had lived there that she didn't feel _too close_ to the hospital.

Snatching her jacket off a box by the kitchen counter, she was out the door and nearing the hospital within minutes. Dashing through the doors, she immediately turned toward the locker rooms and pulled a pair of dark blue scrubs over her head in a rush before returning to the ER.

It was hectic, the way it always is. Bailey was standing behind the desk, yelling loudly into the phone but she motioned Arizona over and pointed to a bed at the very end of the room. She felt herself nodding as Bailey returns to her phone call.

Plastering on her best smile, she walked quickly toward the child's bed. She listened carefully as the parents told her that the little boy lying in the bed had been complaining of severe pain that had started around his belly button but had settled on his lower right side. She nodded at the parents before leaning down toward the little boy, whose name, his parents had told her, was Josh. She gently pressed her fingers against his side, flashing him an apologetic smile when he winced and cried out.

"Okay," she pulled her hand back as the fake smile she had plastered on for reassurance's sake slowly became genuine. "You have a very inflamed appendix," she smiled, and reached for his chart. "But, the good news is, I can take it out… And, you'll be as good as new in about a week."

"It's appendicitis?" Josh's mother asked, looking worried.

"Yep." Arizona nodded, reviewing the boy's chart before nodding again. "You have nothing to worry about, Mrs," she checked the bottom of the chart. "Sampson. I'm going to get Dr. Stevens here to take Josh up to an OR in just a little bit. It's very simple procedure, he'll be fine."

"Oh good," the woman reached down, gently brushing her fingers against her son's cheek. Izzie who had hurried to Arizona's side at the sound of her name nodded at both the parents before taking his chart from Arizona and calling a nurse to schedule an OR for seven o'clock.

She returned to the desk, preparing to ask Bailey if she needed anything else before she headed up to the Pediatric floor to perform rounds. It was only until she was about six inches from the desk, too close to just walk away again that she noticed that there was someone very different from Bailey sitting in the chair behind the ER desk.

"Hey," Callie smiled up at her, leaning foreword in her chair and abandoning the charts she had been filling out on the desk. "What's up?"

"Do you need anything else?" Arizona stumbled. "I was going to do rounds before surgery, but if there's something you need…"

"Nope," Callie waved her off. "We're good. I have most of the interns down here today anyway. Is he going to be okay?" Arizona followed Callie's to where Izzie and a nurse were preparing to move Josh out of the ER.

"It's appendicitis, but it's an easy surgery… He'll be fine," she managed a grin as Callie smiled and nodded.

"Okay… well, I guess I'll see you later today, maybe…" Callie's focus returned to the charts on the desk as Arizona stood by the desk for a moment too long before murmuring a 'good bye' and hurrying away.

"Yeah… I'll see you later." She walked away.

Instead of heading to the PEDs floor for rounds, Arizona hurried to the locker rooms, then to a nearby on-call room. She knocked and listened at the door for a moment, making sure it was actually empty before letting herself in and locking the door behind her.

From her pocket, Arizona retrieved her cell phone and a note. She felt like she was doing all the wrong things. Like she was stuck in reverse. But, she bit her lip and breathed in a slow lungful of air before pressing the numbers on her cell phone and lifting it to her ear.

"Hey," an unfamiliar voice answered.

Arizona lost her nerve the first time and slammed her finger down onto the 'end call' button. Staring at the note for a few seconds longer, she shook her head, leaning back against the wall and letting her blue eyes trace over the words.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shove the mental image of Callie out of her head before quickly dialing the number again. The number she honestly thought she'd never call.

"Hello?"

"Mandy?" Arizona asked. A small part of her wished she had dialed the wrong number. No such luck.

"Yeah? Who is this?"

"It's Arizona… from the hospital… and that night…"

"Oh," Arizona heard a small laugh on the other end of the line. "The surgeon girl… What's up?"

"I wanted to know," Arizona paused. "If the offer for coffee still stands?"

"It does," she heard a laugh on the other end of the line. "But, according to Dr. Torres, I still have another week or so in this cast… I'd love to go, so long as you don't mind having coffee with an invalid."

"No problem," Arizona tried to be excited, she really did. "When is a good time?"

"Hmm… maybe around ten o'clock today? Is that too soon?"

"That sounds great… It's technically my day off so ten o' clock should be fine with me… I can pick you up if you want, where were you thinking of going?" Arizona asked, trying to remember the name of any coffee place that didn't include the various coffee carts around Seattle Grace.

"There one right down the street from my apartment, even with the crutches I can walk down there… They serve pretty good coffee… I don't think it's that far from Seattle Grace."

"Sounds great." It didn't.

Mandy told Arizona the address and name of the coffee and shop and the blonde jotted them down with a pen before quickly bidding Mandy goodbye and hanging up. Despite the fact that Callie had given her _permission, _it felt all wrong. She tried to ignore as she went on rounds, greeting all of the patients that were now familiar, friendly faces to her.

* * *

"Callie, hey!" Mark waved from across the cafeteria and beckoned her over. Callie grinned back and quickly paid for her sandwich before walking over to her best friend.

"What's up?" She slid into a chair across from Mark, flashing him a smile as she unwrapped her lunch from its plastic wrapper. The ER had been busy that morning though Bailey had handled it for most of the day. Callie had only one surgery but she had spent the rest of the time assisting Bailey in the ER so she was looking foreword to a peaceful lunch.

"I heard an interesting rumor," Mark replied, smirking as he stole a chip out of the bag on her tray.

"Oh?" Callie mumbled in between mouthfuls of her turkey sandwich. She pulled her chips away from his grasp. "What did the nurses cook up this time."

"Word around the hospital corridors is that Roller-girl has a date," he announced. Callie just raised an eyebrow, not exactly the reaction he had expected.

"How on earth did you hear that?" Callie asked, taking another bite of sandwich.

"Someone told someone who told someone else that they heard Blondie telling Dr. Bailey that she was leaving early to meet someone for coffee." He leaned foreword, watching his friend carefully. He half-expected Arizona's mystery date to be Callie herself, but the brunette wasn't exactly giving anything away.

"That makes sense, it's her day off, after all." Callie shrugged, returning Mark's suspicious stare with a look of pure boredom.

"Doesn't it…. bother you? _Unless,_ she went on a date with you at ten o'clock this morning…" The glare he received in response told him, that he was, in fact, wrong.

"I have been here _all_ morning," Callie watched as a look of worry passed across Mark's face. She could see that he was waiting for her to freak out. "Anyway, I think she's going to meet someone named… Mandy…"

"Wait… Seriously?" His eyes widened in surprise. "I honestly thought it was you, Callie… I mean, it's you and her…"

"We're going to see other people…" Callie said. For the first time, Mark could hear a touch of sadness in her tone. "We talked about it a few nights ago…"

"Callie… Geez… Um… Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, only receiving a shrug in response as Callie chewed. "You _have_ to be really jealous right now…"

"Of course I'm jealous… I'm pretty sure that I hate whoever it is she is going out with… I don't really thing I'm ever going to like the idea, but… we'll get over it." She replied simply, staring intently down at her tray.

"I don't think it's something you just… get over, Callie."

"What am I supposed to do, Mark? Crash her date?" A dry laugh escaped Callie's lips. "I shouldn't be the one doing stuff like that. Arizona came back, and I'm glad she's back… but it's not like I'm going to jump back into her arms again."

"You don't want to?" A frown twisted down the corners of his lips as he tried to make sense of this entire situation. Compared to Callie, he saw the world in black and white… you want to date her, date her. You don't, then don't. He was slightly out of his element in this grey area that Callie currently occupied.

"No," she looked thoughtful. "But I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly waiting for her to run off again…"

"So… you do want to… but you don't want to…"

"Look, Mark. It's not as simple as all of that. I sick of spending time being mad at her, and it's extremely hard to stay mad at her… but I can't just start up where we left off… Things changed while she was gone, and they didn't automatically just go away because she came back."

"Girls," Mark muttered. "Why do you have to complicate everything?"

"Why do you have to sleep with practically everything that moves?" Callie countered, though Mark could feel that he had hit a nerve.

"I would have you know that as I am engaged… I only sleep with-"

"I _really _don't want to hear about that," Callie balled up her sandwich wrapper and fiddled with the twisted plastic between her hands. "Anyway, I have to go take over in the ER for Bailey, because she's headed into surgery…"

Mark nodded, "I still don't get it, Callie… Roller girl and you… and… Mandy…"

"I don't really get it either, Mark…" She smiled sadly. "But, I_ do_ know that Bailey will yell at me if I'm late."

* * *

Arizona headed back to her apartment, the taste of coffee lingering on her tongue as she walked away from the coffee shop after saying goodbye to Mandy. She had been on a date. Date. The word seemed foreign in her mind without the accompaniment of some Callie-related memory.

It had been okay… nothing special. Not too bad… not too good, either. Arizona had genuinely liked Mandy. She was everything she was supposed to want. Smart. Funny. Beautiful.

That had really only made her think of someone else.

She remembered_ their_ first date. She hadn't really known when to start counting.. Should she count the kiss at Joe's as their first date? Should she even count it as their first official kiss? She had asked Callie out to dinner after the entire newborn fiasco that she had just barely escaped from. It hadn't been a meeting in a coffee shop but as dates go they were pretty similar. But with Callie she had felt herself immediately captivated while with Mandy she had to physically stop herself to comparing the other women to Callie… She had told herself that wouldn't help with the whole 'getting over her' process. Thought really, there had been no comparison…

Maybe it was supposed to be that way, Arizona wondered as she walked up the stairs into her apartment. The first date was bound to be awkward, right?

Arizona just shook her head, as she jammed her key into the front door. It was back to un-packing.

She ripped the tape open on the first box she came across. Taking a quick stock of its contents she began unpacking, putting silverware away in drawers, hanging up her clothes in her new closet and taping up a few pictures her patients had drawn for her in the living room, along with some photos.

Then Arizona moved on to the next box. She peeled the tape back quickly on the smaller box and pulled the cardboard cover off before taking a peek inside. Her breath caught in her chest as her eyes traced the contents of the box.

First, she saw a picture. A framed photo of her brother. He smiled out at her from behind a thin sheet of glass and a delicate wooden frame. She gently took the photo out of the box, tracing her fingers lightly over the glass before setting it carefully on the table. With a cautious interest she turned her attention back to the box. It was filled with various photos. Things she hadn't wanted to remember when she un-packed these boxes in her apartment in Massachusetts.

Her brother. She hadn't hung a single picture of him in her apartment in Massachusetts. She couldn't bring herself to. Foolishly, she hadn't wanted him to see her when she was so obviously running away… She couldn't help thinking he would be ashamed of the choices she had made. She knew he would.

Turning her head away, her fingers scraped against the cardboard bottom of the box. There was something cold and metal attached to the thin chain nestled in the corner.

Dog tags.

"_Most people think that I was named for the state, but it's not true, I was named for a battle ship. The U.S.S. Arizona. My grandfather was serving on the Arizona when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, and he saved nineteen men before he drowned. Pretty much everything my father did his whole life was about honoring that sacrifice._

She pulled the chain from the box, dangling the two metal disks before her face as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.

Letting out a ragged sigh, the necklace slipped through her fingers and landed with a soft click on the wood floor. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks now as a faces seemed to stare out at her from the numerous pictures she had thoughtlessly un-packed.

None of these people would know her, if they saw her now. Her brother, her old friends, even Callie. Somewhere along the way she had become a different person. A person she didn't like.

She had un-packed her old self. She used to be able to proudly hang her brother's picture in her apartment, proud of what he had accomplished. Now she could barely glance at his picture without feeling a wave of guilt flood her body. She didn't fight anymore. She didn't protect what she loved anymore. She wasn't the Arizona Robbins he had known anymore.

_I was raised to be a good man in a storm. Raised to love my country. Love my family. Protect the things I love. When my father, Colonel Daniel Robinson of the United States Marine Corps, heard that I was a lesbian he said he only had one question. I was prepared for "How fast can you get the hell out of my house?" But instead, it was "Are you still who I raised you to be?" My father believes in country the way that you believe in God. And my father is not a man who bends, but he bent for me because I am his daughter. I'm a good man in a storm. I love your daughter. And I protect the things I love. _

She had been raised to be a good man in a storm. She remembered telling Callie's father that, and being utterly sure of her words as they fell from her lips. Now, not so much.

Where did_ that_ person go?

She didn't know, but she could try to find her again... slowly. Callie, and everybody needed her to be that person. Arizona needed herself to be that person again. She wanted to be that person again, but she didn't know how.

She got up suddenly, walking determinedly into her bedroom and rummaging around blindly in her closet until she pulled out a blue suitcase. She placed it carefully on the bed and un-zipper the cover. Her fingers dug through a pile of clothes that had been carelessly tosses into the bag in her haste to return to Seattle until they collided with something solid.

Arizona withdrew her hand, clutching a pair of shoes. They were white with a blue design the decorated most of the shoe. But, that wasn't the important part. They had wheels.

Sitting down on the bed, Arizona yanked her tennis shoes off hurriedly and hesitated only briefly before pulling her old Heeleys on. She looked down at her feet, oddly comforted by the idea that she had regained a little bit of her old self at the sight of her Heeleys instead of the boring, un-colorful, wheel-less shoes she had been wearing lately.

Tentatively, Arizona pushed herself upright. She assumed this would be just like riding a bike, once you learn, you don't forget.

She removed her hand from the bed and slowly slid her heel foreword. The wheels slid easily across the wooden floor of her bedroom. Apparently, too easily. Nervously she pushed herself foreword.

Then, Arizona Robbins, self-proclaimed Heeley expert and veteran proceeded to skate only a foot toward the door before falling on her ass.

Baby steps she reminded herself with a frustrated shake of her head as she pulled herself upright. Baby steps.

* * *

**A/N: There will be a bit more Arizona and Mandy... just warning you now.**

**Random question... I don't normally worry too much about review count for my stories but I barely got any reviews on the last chapter of New History... like three or something.. which is weird for that story... So, if it sucked XD tell me, and I can fix it... 'cuz that was kind of an important chapter and... it shouldn't suck... But, if you just didn't feel like reviewing... then sorry for rambling about it and worrying :) _Ramble fin._**


	8. Coffee

**A/N: Okay, first: Butterflies and Hurricanes will be updated NEXT… I promise… I feel bad for abandoning it for so long…**

**I was going to update either NH or B&H but this week (though it's Tuesday) has been utter crap…. So I needed some angst.**

**As always= edits in the morning :D

* * *

**

_**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**_  
_**Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts**_  
_**Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**_  
_**Well that's all right because I love the way you lie**_  
_**I love the way you lie  
-**_**Love the Way You Lie by Eminem**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

**Chapter Eight: Coffee**

Callie let the pen fall from her fingers. It fell with an annoyingly loud clatter onto the ER desk as the small sound somehow filled the empty air. She was staring out at a series of empty beds, watching doors that she was positive were never going to swing open and deliver a trauma. That was what she really needed a trauma. A surgery. A badass, bone-repairing, ten-hour surgery. She wanted to feel like a badass again, she wanted to feel someone's life return to their body beneath her hands and she wanted to walk out of the OR knowing that she given someone their life back. She supposed some psychologist would interpret that as a desire to have her own life back. They didn't get it though. Some people just didn't.

Callie didn't really understand it anymore. She wanted to follow Mark's inspiring words and 'walk tall…' But, she thought she might have forgotten how.

She sat up hopefully as the screech of tires echoed in through the sliding glass door. She slumped back into the chair as they faded away into the distance. False alarm.

That's when she heard it. She had heard it a few times over the past two days but she had chalked it up to a ridiculously long shift in the ER with no traumas to be seen. This time it was too close. She could hear the sound of the faint 'click' as the wheels rolled over the space between the tiles, and she swore she had heard the scuffing sound of someone kicking their heel down. Well, not someone exactly. One person.

Heeley's?

Callie cautiously looked up, craning her neck to peek around the corner and down the opposite hallway. The hall echoed with the sound of heels skidding across tiled floors but the sound faded into the empty air as quickly as it had come.

Her brow furrowed in confusion as she turned in the chair and peered over her other shoulder. No one. Was this Mark's idea of a joke? How would that even work…? The last time she had seen Arizona, the blonde's Heeley's had been noticeably absent from her person.

A ragged sigh escaped her lips. It was a sigh of pure exhaustion as she dropped her head into her hands and slowly let herself sink back onto the ER. Her eyes fluttered shut against her skin as she felt the fatigue envelope her entire body. She hoped against hope they Bailey would not choose this minute to make a surprise visit to the ER. _That _would definitely not go well.

Then, Callie heard them again. The Heeley's. She didn't even bother to raise her head to check to see if anyone was there.

Either she had a Heeley-wearing stalker, or she was going insane. She was so exhausted at that moment that she didn't actually care which.

Callie jerked up a few minutes later when the sound of footsteps sounded from the hallway just a few feet away. Immediately she sat up and tried to look busy. Pulling over a random piece of paper from the edge of the desk, she peered down as the typed words, trying to appear engrossed. Silently she cursed herself for being so frightened of Bailey that she had actually resulted in faking work, but she took comfort in the idea that even the Chief was subject to Bailey formidable wrath on occasion.

As the mysteriously figure appeared it the hallway, Callie visibly relaxed. It was a nurse. The woman just nodded in her direction, rummaged around on a shelf for something before disappearing in the manner. With an angry pout settled across her lips, Callie realized that had been the most human contact she had endured in the past hour and a half. A nod.

She was about to resume the extremely inappropriate task of using the ER desk as an uncomfortable pillow, when something on the desk caught her eye. A cup of coffee. A very warm and nice smelling cup of coffee.

In the manner of a comic book or a morning cartoon, Callie rubbed her eyes, checking to make sure she wasn't actually seeing things. After all, she was apparently hearing the sound of Heeley's, so one couldn't be too careful.

The coffee cup appeared to be real and not a figment of her exhausted, caffeine-deprived imagination. She pulled it toward her, looking to both the left and right to try to see who had left this tiny piece of heaven on the ER desk. No one. Again.

As she wrapped her fingers around the Styrofoam cup and let the warmth seep into her fingers her thumb brushed against the small piece of paper that had been stuck to the side of the coffee cup. She pulled it off, her heart twisting in her chest as she read the note.

_You looked like you needed this_

_X_

Crap. Callie put the coffee cup down almost apologetically and pushed it a few inches away from her. Even with the anonymous note, Callie knew exactly who it was from. She would recognize that impeccably neat, rounded handwriting anywhere.

She crumpled the note between her fingers, feeling the edges dig into her palm before she leaned back and tossed it neatly into the trashcan. She watched the small piece of paper slip down among the discarded forms and disappear from her view before turning her brown-eyed gaze upon the coffee cup.

Throwing away a perfectly nice, warm and delicious cup of coffee was almost against the law in Callie's mind. It was practically a sin. Nevertheless she got up, walked the few feet between herself and the trashcan and dropped it in among the other garbage.

Stupid Heeley-wearing stalker.

Why couldn't Arizona just leave her alone? Callie had finally convinced herself to just stop being mad. Forgive and try her very hardest forget. She knew forgetting was completely out of the question, but she didn't have to let what Arizona had done put a dampen on her everyday life. She figured that forgetting for a little bit, even for small period of time, was enough. Heeley wearing coffee deliverers were not helping.

* * *

Although, Callie didn't miss the fact that this meant Arizona was wearing her Heeley's again. Somehow that tiny piece of information was comforting. Despite the fact that Arizona's peace offering of sorts was now in the trash-can, knowing that a few floors away there was a blonde woman being infuriatingly cheerful and skating around in ridiculous roller-shoes made things just a little bit better. More normal. But then again, she wasn't sure exactly what normal was.

Normal would be her and Arizona. But, as her pen once again resumed it's bored rhythm against the ER desk, Callie decided she would have to revise her definition of the word.

"Hey Bailey," Arizona skidding to a stop next to an extremely un-enthusiastic looking Bailey.

"You're… enthusiastic today." Bailey commented dryly. She narrowed her eyes as her gaze found Arizona's unorthodox footwear. "The… shoes are back, I see."

"Yep. Isn't it great?" Arizona beamed, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Bailey looked to be barely containing the urge to vomit. The brunette just shook her head, yanking the charts from the nurse's desk toward her with more force than exactly necessary.

"You don't have to be cheerful all the time. It's not a requirement. Even you, are allowed to tone it down, ever so often."

"Not today I can't." Bailey caught the slight slump the appeared in Arizona's shoulders. It disappeared instantly as the blonde plastered another huge smile on her face and turned toward her.

"Genuine cheerfulness is fine." Bailey frowned. "Genuine happiness I can tolerate because you're you and well… you're _special,_" Arizona just rolled her eyes. "But if you're not in a cheerful mood, for god's sake, don't fake it. Spare me." The shorter woman grouched.

The smiled faltered. "What do you mean?"

"Fake." Bailey barked. "You're faking it, or you took a huge does of Prozac this morning."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are." Bailey narrowed her eyes, glaring at Arizona. Haunted blue eyes met her glare for a minute before they dropped to the floor.

Blonde curls swayed slightly as Arizona nodded. Before her, the blonde visibly crumpled, as the perkiness seemed to flood right out of her body. Her shoulders slumped, she dug her hands deep into her pockets, and her smile faded quickly, taking the joy from her eyes as it disappeared. She glanced back up at Bailey, with the faint remnant of a smirk on her lips.

"That's just weird," Bailey muttered under her breath. If she was being honest she actually preferred the cheerier Arizona, at the risk of sounding hypocritical, this version was just plain depressing.

"You paged?" Arizona asked in a decidedly less cheerful tone. At the sound of her voice, the blonde seemed to pull herself together somewhat. She attempted a small smile. "What's up?" She asked. Her tone fell flat.

"You want to talk about it?" Bailey asked, not making any effort to hide her annoyance. "I don't think this depressing 'woe is me' version is much better."

Arizona looked at her for a full few seconds before replying. "Miranda Bailey is asking if I want to _talk? _An actual personal conversation?"

"Well there's a first time for everything. I'm having personal conversations and you're being sarcastic, and pitiful. Hell has clearly frozen over." Arizona seemed to bristle at that comment but to Bailey's triumph, she didn't deny it either. "The clock it ticking." Bailey reminded the blonde.

"Callie," Arizona sighed. One word was enough to encompass all of her troubles.

"Great. I thought maybe you had a rough surgery or something, had a bad day, lost the wheel to one of your juvenile shoes, maybe… I'm not talking about you and Torres." Bailey turned on her heel and walked away, knowing perfectly well that Arizona would follow her. She did.

"Why not?" Arizona pleaded. Bailey did not miss the fact that Arizona was actually rolling in those ridiculously colorful shoes of hers to keep up. "You asked! And, you took away the perkiness I had… You _owe_ me."

"Fine. You have one minute. Go." Bailey turned around to face the blonde, her arms crossed.

"She told me to move on. So I did. I went on a date… I called this woman named Mandy… She's perfectly nice, and the date was… nice. But that's all it was… nice," Arizona shook her head in exasperation. "I don't want nice, I to be able to fix things between Callie and I… but I have no idea how…"

Bailey sighed. "Would you like my 'I will tell her what she wants to hear' response, or honesty?"

"Honesty, please."

"You're an idiot." Bailey said simply, as Arizona's mouth dropped open. To Bailey's surprise the ghost of a smile appeared where she thought she would find offense.

"That, I know." Arizona replied tightly. "Elaborate?"

"You have no right to mope around. Think about what you did to her. You left her, alone… after Erica and George. Frankly you don't deserve even a second of her time… but what time she has given you, you seem to be messing up." Bailey remarked with exasperation. She was met with an expression of utter confusion from Arizona. "You need to choose. If you move on, move on. If you want to fight for Callie, fight for Callie."

"It's not that simple," came the reply.

"Of course it is. The old you… The annoying version, would have seen it that way. You fought for what you wanted, Arizona. Heck, you pestered me for hours just to get me to submit the PEDs fellowship applications, then for even longer when I was decided if I wanted to accept the position!" A fond, reminiscent smile crossed Arizona's lips for a brief second. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know," Arizona answered truthfully.

"Okay, well you're identity crisis is your problem because I have to go and do actual work now, okay? I helped for more than the assigned minute and I've filled my quota for personal conversations for the next century."

"Okay, but…" Arizona began eliciting a groan from Bailey. "Just out of curiosity, what was the 'I will tell her what she wants to hear…' response?"

"Everything will be fine, she will forgive you, world poverty will go away and I will win a Harper Avery." She looked up. "Satisfied?"

"Very," Arizona pouted. "But, none of that's true?"

"Not yet anyway, but I'm definitely going to win a Harper Avery," Bailey answered before walking away again. This time she was relieved not to hear the sound of Arizona's Heeleys following close behind her.

"But, you paged me?" Arizona called out down the hall.

Bailey just waved her off, "I'll take care of it. You're downright depressing, right now."

"Thanks Bailey," Arizona offered a genuine smile before turning, kicking her heel down and skating off down the hall.

"At least she's still wearing those idiotic shoes," Bailey murmured as she turned away and walked down the hall in the opposite direction. "Some things haven't changed."

* * *

Callie walked back to the attending's locker room with tired, slow steps. She had just escaped the ER, after three hours sitting there doing absolutely nothing useful. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, Callie leaned against the cold metal of her locker. She was looking foreword to an early night. She needed sleep. Arizona had been invading her dreams, somehow waking her up at all hours of the night, which didn't exactly amount to a healthy night's rest.

With a tired sigh she shifted her weight off the door of her locker and yanked it open. Sitting next to the pile of clothes she had stuffed in there earlier that day, was a cup of coffee.

This was just getting weird.

And to top it off, there was another note.

Reluctantly, Callie reached out, tugging the piece of paper away from the paper cup.

_Callie,_

_I know it's way too late for coffee, but I'm making a gesture here. I know you threw away the coffee I brought you this morning (I'm not stalking you or anything, I just saw it in the trashcan when I went to grab a patient chart…). I realize were both completely different people now. I'm trying to go back to the way I used to be, it's just not as easy as I'd thought it was going to be… but friends give each other coffee all the time, right? _

_X_

Weird. Callie felt herself nodding as she read the last line. Friends. She had gotten coffee with Mark or Cristina almost every day for the past few years. Friends do give each other coffee.

She didn't want to take the coffee. Even though she had told Arizona, Mark and herself a thousand times, she didn't want to be forced to admit that that's what they were… friends. She wasn't quite sure if she wanted that. Maybe she wanted nothing. Maybe she wanted everything to just go back to the way it had been a little over a month ago. When Arizona hadn't been there.

One thing puzzled her though "_I realize were both completely different people now….."_

Even when they were just being friends, the blonde had a knack for making Callie face things she's rather just ignore.

She pulled the coffee toward her and took a quick sip. Friends. Maybe she could do that.


	9. When it Rains

**A/N: Vacation=awesome**

**Edits in the morning.**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Nine: When it Rains**

**__****And when it rains,**  
_**Will you always find an escape?**_  
_**Just running away,**_  
_**From all of the ones who love you,**_  
_**From everything.**_  
_**You made yourself a bed**_  
_**At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)**_  
_**And you'll sleep 'til May**_  
_**And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore**_  
**-By Paramore, 'When it Rains'**  


Arizona drew in a deep breath. The lighter was poised a few inches from her face, hovering above the tip of the cigarette. She only smoked when she was in trouble.

She _was_ in trouble.

She gave in. Flicking the button with her thumb, she lowered the brief flame to the tip of the cigarette. She inhaled. Smoke burned a trail down her throat and into her lungs as she closed her eyes, savoring the feeling. Her eyes fluttered open, clouded by grey smoke that poured from her throat. It faded as she dragged in another breath, the skyline slowly regaining its vitality as the smoke dissipated.

She didn't know why she had left the second coffee cup with the note for Callie. Maybe she was trying to rebuild. But rebuilding bridges she had demolished without a second thought wasn't as easy as she had anticipated. It was one step foreword, three steps back. She knew she would get there. She didn't know how long it would take. And she didn't know where she was actually heading.

Teddy had asked her out for drinks, a tentative step back toward old times. She had the feeling that Teddy might somehow understand where she was coming from. She hoped someone did. She wasn't the victim in this situation, not by a long shot. She knew that. But it had been nice to know that one person didn't think she was a complete villain either. Comforting.

The rest of the hospital staff had treated her with a cautious indifference. She didn't mind it. In fact she appreciated it. But the looks and the whispers, even from people like Bailey and Owen… They looked at her as if they knew something even she didn't. She wished she knew what it was, but she didn't ask. It was probably just her imagination running wild.

Alex.

That was something she couldn't stand. Her resident, her PEDs protégé would barely look at her. He would follow her dutifully on rounds, coldly answering her robotic questions and assisting almost silently in surgery.

She hadn't thought about anyone else but Calliope when she had left. She had the occasional bout of homesickness. Missed Teddy when she was out with the few, tentative and convenient friendships she had made at the hospital. She honestly hadn't spared Alex a second thought. But she had been the only one who had really believed in him, had fought for him, and shown him that he could be, and _was _amazing at something. She had wanted him despite the surly demeanor and the ridiculously high walls he had barricaded himself within. He reminded her of Callie in that respect; the endless walls and battles just to worm her way inside of their lives. But it had been so amazingly worth it that she hadn't cared. Old Arizona fought for what she believed in.

New Arizona didn't seem to know how.

She dropped the cigarette butt onto the gravel of the Seattle Grace roof and stubbed it out with her toe. She wasted no time, pulling out another one. She didn't hesitate this time as she thumbed the lighter.

She had heard the whispers after the divorce. How Izzie had returned, and how she had run off again. She knew she was equal to that in his mind, a runaway, and she didn't blame him for it. Izze had returned eventually, but they had never managed to repair things. Arizona and Alex, they had been a team, for however brief a time.

He and Callie seemed to be friends. Sort of. Well, friendlier than most attendings and residents usually were, not counting their brief tryst years back. She hated the idea that they now had more in common. Being disappointed by Arizona Robbins. Being abandoned by someone who had believed in them whole-heartedly, and wrecked in the process.

She took another drag on her cigarette.

"You still smoke." Arizona almost choked at the voice behind her. She coughed out the last breath she had taken before turning nervously to face her visitor. "It's bad for you, you know. There are some new posters down on the general surgery floor 'kissing a smoker is like licking an astray.'"

"Charming," she forced her lips up into a numb smile and dropped her cigarette onto the gravel. "I'd better stop then."

"What did you do wrong?" Callie's brown eyes were unreadable as she watched the blonde. "You only smoke when you think you're in trouble and you only used to come up here when you're upset."

"I never told you that," Arizona avoided the question.

"About the smoking you did."

"Not about coming up here." She liked the idea that Callie had somehow known, even without being told.

"I knew. I didn't tell you, because I figured you needed a spot to just be… yours. But, I knew."

"Don't take this the wrong way," Arizona felt her lips crease with the ghost of a genuine smile. "But, why are you up here?"

"This_ used _to be your spot. After you…" Callie's gaze hardened but the flash of anger passed as quickly as it had appeared. "Left… After you left, I needed a spot. It was a little bit easier up here, knowing I was where you_ would_ be."

Arizona forced down the urge to apologize again. She forced down the urge to cry, to sob, to tear apart at the seams and fall apart. No. She wasn't going to do that any more. She had decided she was going to face foreword and fix things. "We can share?"

"I don't think I'll be needing it now," Callie smiled slightly. "But sure… Are you going to tell me why you're up here, and giving yourself lung cancer no less?"

"I was worrying… About," she shrugged, surprising herself by admitting it. "You. And Alex… But mostly you…"

"Oh." Arizona was relieved Callie didn't ask what about her that had Arizona worrying. She was sure Callie already knew.

"So… How're things going with Mandy?"

Arizona swallowed, and forced her fingers into the pocket of her lab coat to avoid reaching for another cigarette. "Fine… I'm seeing her today actually… What about you? Are you… dating anyone?"

"No." Callie answered shortly.

"What about before, when I was-"

"Are you really asking me about this?" Callie's eyes narrowed. "Arizona, I'm trying, okay? This whole talking to you, seeing you, being your friend… I'm trying. But you should know that after what happened, it's hard for me… And it would be a hell of a lot easier if you didn't ask stuff like that."

"Sorry," Arizona winced and backed away a few feet. She hung her head, staring at the cigarette butt, buried among the pebbles by her foot. "I didn't think…"

"Thanks for the coffee." When Arizona looked up, a second apology on her lips, the brunette was already about ten feet away and walking quickly toward the door back down into the building. Perfect. Just perfect.

She reached into her pocket, pulling out a third cigarette and lighting it quickly. This time though, she didn't feel any better. The smoke filling her lungs brought something she hadn't counted on; memories.

_"Did you expect that when you left, the world just stopped?" Cristina asked, adopting the tone one would use to talk to a five year old. "It didn't. Things are different. Callie got promoted, she's an attending now. Mark and Lexie are engaged despite the fact she's a fetus and he's a grandpa. Meredith and Derek finally got over their stupid post-it and got married at city hall… The world didn't stop when you left. We moved on."_

_"You broke up with her in a note. You walked away, what do you think Callie thought?" She accused, watching as Arizona flinched. "You know her. She's spent the past year blaming herself, wondering what she did to push you away. She's broken, she's a robot. Erica really screwed her up, but you were a thousand times worse."_

_"Don't give up on her…"_

_"You're here for good? Or until something freaks you out and you're off again… To hide away for a year?"_

_"You have no right to mope around. Think about what you did to her. You left her, alone… after Erica and George. Frankly you don't deserve even a second of her time… but what time she has given you, you seem to be messing up." Bailey remarked with exasperation. She was met with an expression of utter confusion from Arizona. "You need to choose. If you move on, move on. If you want to fight for Callie, fight for Callie."_

Impulsively, Arizona reached down into her pocket and pulled out the near-empty packet of cigarettes. She drew her arm back, and flung them over the edge of the rooftop as far away as she could. She watched as the small white box fell against the maze of concrete buildings until it clattered to the pavement below her, far out of sight.

The whole mess had finally unraveled itself in Arizona's mind. _Finally_. She had no right to wallow. She had no right to mope and try to numb the pain by drowning her common sense in cigarette smoke.

Callie should be the one doing that type of thing.

As the weight of the words from Bailey, Mark the Chief and even Cristina washed over her she finally saw herself the way they saw her. Or at least, she finally saw herself… what she had been doing. She had returned, and still played the victim, despite how much she had told herself she wasn't.

A ferocious wave of self-loathing flooded her body, fueled by the knowledge of exactly how weak she had been.

It had been her all along; this was been her mess. Even from the beginning when she had told herself that, she had never really stopped to consider how much other people would have had to fight through wreckage that she left behind.

She had thought she had wrecked a relationship, she hadn't thought she had wrecked a person.

And yet here she was, over a month later, smoking and hiding up on the roof and waiting for her relationship to fix itself. In contrast, Callie who had been the one she had actually hurt was the strong one, at least on the outside. Callie was the one making an effort to move on, to try to salvage whatever friendship they could… She shouldn't have to do that.

Disgusted with herself, Arizona dropped the last cigarette on the gravel and stubbed it out with the toe of her Heeley's.

* * *

"Dr. Karev," Arizona greeted the surly resident after paging him to the PEDs desk. "I need to talk to you."

"About a case?" Alex asked dully, trying his best to looked bored and uninterested.

"No. But I'm still an attending, your attending in fact, so if I ask you to talk to me… you will." He looked up, surprised. Since her return she hadn't really tried to assert her authority, she had been careful and cautious with him. She had let him off easy, rarely criticized since she had been weighted down by guilt about wasting a year of his residency. Now however, she was determined to patch things up.

"Fine." He muttered, following her a few feet away from the nurse's desk and down the adjacent hall.

Abruptly, she stopped and turned to face him, once again taking him by surprise.

"I think I owe you an apology," she began, doing her best to ignore the practiced boredom that dominated his features.

"Look I don't have time-"

"Yeah, but you do." Arizona frowned, pursing her lips and shaking her head. Whether she was annoyed at herself or with him, Alex couldn't really tell. "I wanted to apologize for letting you down. This is cheesy to you, and you can sneer and laugh at me all you want Karev, but the bottom line is my mistake cost you a valuable year of your residency that I could have spent training you. But," she held up a finger as he looked about to protest. "That doesn't change the fact that you're amazing in PEDs, one of the best I've seen… So I'd like to try to make up for that time, but that means I'm actually going to try and teach you instead of letting you walk all over me the way I have been doing. I'm sorry for leaving, but it's done, and you don't strike me as a person who cares for long winded apologies, so I'll stop there." She caught her breath, and waited.

"Sure… whatever," Arizona smiled, knowing that was as much of an acceptance as she was ever going to get out of Alex Karev.

"Super," she beamed and she saw him rolling his eyes. Oddly that was comforting, it was the way things would have been a year ago. "Well, I expect you here tomorrow at six thirty for rounds."

"What that's-"

"Karev," Arizona warned, smirking. "We're hardcore in PEDs, and sometimes that means getting up an hour or so early to tend to the tiny humans. But we do it anyway." She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to reply.

He just shrugged, nodded in her direction and walked away, but Arizona knew her resident well enough not to miss the hint of a smile that he had been so desperate to hide.

* * *

Now came the hard part. Arizona had been watching Callie in the ER for probably to good fifteen minutes, trying to muster up the courage to walk over to her. Even though it felt like a lifetime ago when she had walked up to Callie in the bar bathroom, she felt like she was reliving that moment. Except then she had needed a few shots of tequila before she had found the nerve to follow Callie into the bathroom and she had simply been a mysterious stranger. Now she was the ex-girlfriend who had pretty much ruined everything.

As she watched, Arizona saw Callie turn towards her, as she noticed the blonde standing discreetly behind the shelves of gauze and suture kits and she was met with a confused and slightly annoyed pair of brown eyes. She decided it was now or never. Waiting any longer would place her into the creepy stalker zone and for what she was planning on telling Callie that wouldn't exactly help.

"Can I maybe talk to you for a minute?" Arizona asked, walking up to stand beside the brunette. Callie looked exhausted, totally worn out and Arizona almost turned away but once again… now or… probably never… or tomorrow.

"I really don't have time right now, Arizona." Callie dismissed her easily.

Refusing to leave, Arizona looked around the ER, spotting Bailey scribbling on a chart next to a patient bed, she chose to risk life and limb and ask the general surgeon for a favor.

"Hey Bailey?" The shorter woman looked up quickly, obviously expecting some emergency. "Would you mind watching Callie's shift in the ER for maybe fifteen minutes… I uh… need to talk to her about… something."

Callie glared between Arizona and Bailey, obviously expecting and probably hoping that Bailey would say no and tell Arizona off. To both their surprise Bailey agreed without question, though Arizona caught the warning look Bailey had shot in her direction.

"Thanks so much Bailey," Arizona grabbed the sleeve of Callie's lab coat and lead the brunette out of the ER and into the nearest On Call Room. Callie looked wary as she caught sight of where Arizona was taking her, but much to Arizona's relief she followed her inside without protest.

"Arizona," Callie sighed, appearing rather annoying with her blonde pursuer. "We said we'd be friends. And we're going to try to be, but this is all a but too much too soon for me… You really need to let me get used to the idea of just being your friend."

"I don't want to be friends," Arizona replied bluntly, only realizing after she saw the stunned look on Callie's face that easing into this might have been a better approach.

"What do you want from me then Arizona?" Callie asked thinly.

"I realized something a few days ago… I suppose I can't take credit for it, Bailey pretty much told me this, but today it kind of sunk in."

"And what was that?" Now there was no doubt about it, Callie was annoyed.

"That I'm an idiot. And there are several things I really need to tell you…" Callie raised an eyebrow, not disagreeing with Arizona's revelation. "It wasn't your fault. What I did, I left, that was all me. You didn't push me away, Calliope. I couldn't see what was right in front of my face, so I freaked and ran… That's not up to you to fix… This is my mess, I made a huge mess of an amazing thing we had together… and if you'll let me… I want to try and fix it…"

"You can't fix this Arizona," Callie smiled sadly, almost condescendingly, as if she herself had stopped believing. "After that, how am I supposed to trust you… How am I supposed to walk home everyday not scared that I'll come home to an empty apartment and a note?"

"You can't," Arizona fixed Callie with a determined blue eyes gaze. "Not yet. But, I'm going to fight for you, Calliope. I'm going to earn your trust back… It's not something I think can happen over night, it's going to take awhile… But I'm going to prove it to you, because I can't see myself with anybody else. Before we started dating, you chased me. Now it's my turn... I'm done with waiting for things to fix themselves, and with feeling sorry for myself and with hurting you even more... I'm done hiding, Calliope."

"Arizona…" Callie voice trailed off, but to Arizona's relief, she didn't leave.

"I was so focused on the mess I had made of our relationship, that I didn't stop to think about how I had hurt you…" Arizona continued. "I didn't think you couldn't trust me, I thought you just wouldn't… But… I think I get it now. You told me you didn't love me anymore, but I know that you won't let yourself believe it when I tell you that I love you… you can't because… you can't trust me," Arizona's head dropped slightly. "It all comes back to that. Trust. I lost yours, but I'm going to fight for it… Whatever you need me to be, Calliope… I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

"What about Mandy?" Callie asked quietly. "Are you going to ditch her too?"

Arizona raised her gaze, finally meeting the challenge in Callie's eyes. "I told you I was going to see her today. And I did. But I went to see her to tell her that after the two dates we had been on, this had to be the end of the road for us because there was really no point... It was nice... Fine, but she doesn't compare and I'm disgusted with myself for taking this long, but I'm going to fight for _you. _Not Mandy. Not anyone else. Not the past. Not what what I ruined. I'm fighting for _you_." She felt herself smile, as Callie just stared at her, open-mouthed.

She took a few steps toward the door, intent on leaving Callie alone before she had to go back to the ER but the brunette's voice stopped her in her tracks. "I... I can't promise you anything, Arizona... You showed me that I deserve someone who will stay, who I can trust... That used to be you. But, I'm sick of being scared and cautious in relationships... And honestly you're right, I can't trust you anymore... I don't know if I ever will be able to."

"That's why I'm going to fight," Arizona said simply, as if it was the most uncomplicated thing it the world. And to her, it finally was. She smiled in Callie's direction and let the door swing softly shut behind her.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter you get introspective Callie... yay.**

**Reviews=Love**


	10. Leave Me Alone I'm Lonely

**A/N: Mostly a Flashback chapter, transitions to 'present' in the end. This shows why Callie isn't letting Arizona back in easily.**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

**Chapter Ten: Leave Me Alone, I'm Lonely**

**Go away  
Give me a chance to miss you  
Say goodbye  
It'll make me want to kiss you  
Tonight  
Leave me alone I'm lonely  
Alone I'm lonely  
I'm tired  
- Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely) by Pink**

_The first week, she doesn't show up for work. Mark knocks on her door, promising the keep knocking until she lets him in. She doesn't. Eventually he leaves. _

_He jokes that her and Arizona had locked themselves into the apartment for some, 'private time.' He teasingly asks for an invite, but Callie knows he's fishing for some reaction. A shout or a yelled insult that would let him know that his best friend was actually still alive. She doesn't answer. She doesn't bother telling him that it would be impossible to have 'private time' with someone who has disappeared with nothing but a note._

_A note that was an embellished version of the tired 'it's not you it's me.'_

_She was too lost to get angry._

_

* * *

_

_On Tuesday Mark stands outside of her door for hours. He abandons the jokes and alternates between demanding and pleading for her to open the door._

_She finally relents after he had threatened to call the fire department. _

_He doesn't ask her to explain right away, so she doesn't but he guesses it's more than their average fight._

_

* * *

_

_On Wednesday she calls Arizona's cell phone about fifty times. She hates how pathetic she knows she sounds. _

_The cold, automated voice of Arizona's answering machine is unforgiving. _

_That night Mark comes over, telling her that Teddy hadn't heard anything from Arizona either. She hasn't told him everything yet; he still thinks Arizona had just run off for a few days to blow off steam._

_She finally shows him the note. _

_She watches the expression on his face melt from confusion to horrified comprehension. At least someone can be angry on her behalf._

_

* * *

_

_Mark calls in sick on Thursday, ignoring Callie's feeble protests. _

_He won't let her drive. Even though it is barely ten blocks to Arizona's apartment he relegates her strictly to the passenger seat. She doesn't complain, just watches the familiar scenery flash by out of the car window._

_It doesn't occur to her to protest. Mark is driving her car… The car she never lets anyone touch, let alone drive._

_It seems trivial now. She doesn't care about the car._

_On the long walk up the stairs to the third floor to Arizona's apartment building, he refuses to leave her side. Callie wonders why. Wonders how broken she must look for Mark Sloan to feel the need to chaperone her. _

_She knocks for more than an hour on Arizona's door. Slamming her fist against the wood and somehow convincing herself that maybe if she just waited to few more minutes it would make a difference._

_She calls out apologies through the wood. Dredging up every argument they had ever had and shouting her apologies at the doorway. Mark just watches._

_Callie has to retreat deep within herself to avoid feeling the scorn from the pity flashing in his eyes._

_Eventually she feels a hand on her shoulder, pulling her away. He has gotten tired of waiting 'a few more minutes'._

_She struggles against his grip until she collapses. Her last thread of strength had frayed and snapped in front of Arizona's apartment and she lets Mark catch her. Whatever was left to salvage. He keeps her together, wrapping two arms around her body and holding her together at the seams. _

_He holds her as she cries. She never really knows how to thank him for that._

_

* * *

_

_On Friday she wakes up curled into Mark's body. She wonders where Arizona is, reaching instinctively to check for the blonde's pager on her nightstand. Then it hits her. _

_Mark ends up waking up to the sound of her crying. He knows her better than to ask questions, he seems to just… know. Instead her pulls her into a hug, pausing only call in sick to work for the both of them._

_He drives her back to Arizona's apartment at her insistence. This time he makes her stop in the lobby, pulling her toward the desk._

_Mark avoids Callie's eyes, instead talking directly to the man behind the desk and quietly asking about apartment 304. Arizona's apartment. The clerk looks between them with a pleasant smile, and asks them if they were interested in renting it. She tries to tell him that's impossible… that Arizona Robbins lives there. Her girlfriend lives there._

_He tells her the apartment has been empty for the past three days. The previous occupant moved out in a hurry._

_She barely makes it outside before emptying the contents of her stomach into a trashcan. She didn't remember eating anything._

_

* * *

_

_Mark doesn't seem to know what to say after that. She stays home from work over the weekend. Eating. Sleeping. Checking her email or phone messages every hour or so until she passes out on the sofa._

_She wakes up hours later, covered in a blanket with the phone that had fallen from her grasp set neatly on the coffee table. She knows it was Mark._

_All she can think about it how she wishes it was someone else._

_

* * *

_

_On Saturday Mark goes back to work. He hadn't wanted to, but Callie had forced him out of the apartment. _

_She has a string of concerned visitors. Lexie is first, fidgeting and rambling about Alex Karev and Mark until Callie finally asks her why she's here._

_Lexie doesn't have an answer, she just looks nervous. A deer caught in headlights. After a moment she stutters out an apology, saying she knows what had happened with Arizona and that she's sorry._

_But she doesn't know what had happened. She knows what Mark knows, which is all that Callie knows, which is all that anyone except Arizona knows._

_Which is nothing, really._

_So, she just nods and lets Lexie ramble. It's comforting in an odd way. Something that's familiar. _

_

* * *

_

_The next time it's Teddy. She knocks quietly, regretfully. Almost as if she doesn't want to be there. Callie almost doesn't open the door._

_But it's Teddy and a small part of Callie hopes that she might know something. _

_The conversation is awkward. They both pretend that Callie is interested in hearing about how things were at the hospital and linger on that topic, stretching it to fill the awkward silence._

_Finally Teddy breaks the ice. Shatters it, so to speak. "I… I don't know anything, Callie. I've been to her apartment, I've called her… She's just gone." Callie just nods and Teddy looks almost relieved, less guilty._

_Callie rememberes when Arizona came home, all bouncy, smiling and cheerful about her new awesome friend. How Arizona had wanted to fix Teddy, to set her up with Mark, maybe. Then, Arizona's enthusiasm had seemed amusing._

_She feels a rush of anger toward the cardio surgeon sitting on the opposite end of the couch. Like maybe that if Teddy had been a better friend, she would know where Arizona had gone. She knows it is completely irrational; Teddy had been a perfectly good friend. _

_Plus, didn't that mean if she had been a better girlfriend she would know where Arizona had gone?_

_That thought sticks. It buries itself in the back of her mind, waiting to haunt her._

_

* * *

_

_Cristina stomps back into the apartment that night, late and complaining about some cardio surgery Jackson Avery had stolen from her. _

_Up until then Cristina has assumed it was just a stupid fight between Arizona and Callie. She has teased Callie about being a softy and over-reacting. Callie doesn't have the energy to correct her so she lets it slide. Playing along is easier than not playing at all._

_That night though, Cristina catches sight of Callie on the couch and it is obvious that hospital gossip has reached the cardio-obsessed resident's ears. She looks almost sympathetic as she stands awkwardly by the kitchen counter, tapping her fingers against the countertop and taking longer than necessary to take her coat off and put her bag down._

_They just look at each other for a minute, not sure what roles they were supposed to play in that situation. _

_Cristina gives in first, tentatively asking Callie 'if she is okay.'_

_Callie tells her she's tired and walks back into her bedroom, not answering. The answer is obvious._

_Mark comes back, bringing her takeout and forcing her to eat. _

_She doesn't miss the irony in the entire situation. Arizona, her rock, the sensible one, the one who was always there no matter what Callie needed, the stable one, the logical one, had disappeared while Mark, the manwhore was still here, taking care of her. _

_Her head spins at how much her world had changed in a few days._

_Later she hears Cristina knocking on her door. The sound is faraway, distant._

_She wants to know if Callie needs to 'dance it out,' saying she has a bottle of tequila ready and her iPod plugged into the speakers._

_Callie doesn't answer. She hears the music playing anyway, a faint, throbbing beat from the living room._

_She wonders what problems Cristina is dancing away._

_

* * *

_

_On Monday she goes back to work. _

_The rhythm is familiar, and she loses herself. _

_People look at her sideways, gossiping about the PEDs and the Ortho surgeons over coffee and across the lunch tables. She just drops her head and ignores the whispers that are screaming at her._

_

* * *

_

_Cut, fix, suture, close. _

_Repeat._

_She calls Arizona everyday; it's almost a ritual. She leaves messages. She knows Arizona won't listen to them, but she does it anyway. To keep herself from completely breaking down._

_

* * *

_

_A few weeks later, the anger hits her. It rolls over her in waves, red hot and tempting._

_And all of a sudden she hates Arizona._

_She hates feeling broken and useless and she blames Arizona for it. All of it. She's tired of blaming herself and she's angry at Arizona for making her._

_She's angry at what she's turned into._

_The messages change. She doesn't beg, she doesn't plead. Instead she accuses, blames, yells and makes sure Arizona knows exactly what she's done._

_If she's even listening._

_That night she goes to Joe's. _

_She knows Mark came to get her from the bar past three in the morning, but she doesn't remember._

_In a way, it makes her feel even more pathetic and broken. And, that just makes her angrier._

_

* * *

_

_Cristina has stopped trying to talk to her. Callie hates the pity she always sees in her roommates eyes. Hates the idea that Cristina Yang pities her._

_So, they avoid each other. Callie at Joe's. Cristina at Meredith's. Different brands of therapy, one destructive the other healing to some degree._

_Mark on the other hand, sticks to her like glue. Callie knows it helps but she refuses to admit it. She doesn't want to admit that she needs someone else. They all just leave in the end, don't they?_

_She's terrified that she's pushing Mark away. She knows she is doing it, but she can't stop. Her defenses will crumble too far if she does._

_But to her relief, he never leaves. She might go insane if he ever does._

_Arizona never quite understood their friendship, but she tolerated it. Through this, Callie remembers and hates Arizona for every time she's had to explain that Mark was actually a good friend. Look who stuck by her in the end._

_It's just another thing she's decided she hates. One in a long, and growing list._

_

* * *

_

_She stops calling. Deletes Arizona's name from her contacts. Decides to move on._

_Mark tries to convince her to wait. Not to force herself, but Callie tells him that he's being ridiculous, that she's fine._

_She goes on a date._

_He picks her up at Joe's that night, at 4:32 am. He doesn't say anything and neither does she, but they both know he was right._

_

* * *

_

_She still checks her phone. She realizes one day that every time she flips open her phone, she hopes for a text from Arizona._

_She thinks it's ridiculous._

_It's been six months._

_

* * *

_

_She goes on another date, this time she thinks she did okay. She makes it about two minutes into the dinner before thinking of Arizona, but she manages to push it out of her mind._

_For the most part._

_She smiles, makes polite conversation, drinks her wine, eats her dinner. It's all robotic, but she hopes the other woman can't tell. _

_It annoys her that she feels proud about making it through a date. She feels like a handicapped person, struggling through the simplest things. The anger roars inside of her a little bit louder as she adds fuel to the fire._

_So she pushes herself. _

_After that she doesn't so much go on dates as she goes on one-night stands. She can tell that Mark thinks she's heading in the opposite direction. Sliding backwards._

_No one can see that she's making progress. She's forgetting._

_

* * *

_

_She smiles, offers to buy the blonde a drink. _

_This woman's eyes aren't blue they're brown. That's better. There's less to compare. Less she has to fool herself._

_

* * *

_

_She hits the one-year mark. Just looks up at the calendar hanging on the wall in the ER one day and realizes she's made it through one year. _

_The anger has gone. Fading from a fiery red to a cold, icy blue that settles in her chest. The red only returns when someone mentions Arizona, and then only for an instant, though most people are careful not to do so around her. _

_So mostly, she remains cold, detached. Ice._

_She tries to convince herself that she's back to normal after a year. She's not._

_

* * *

_

_She finds the medical journal a few days later. It has a picture of Arizona in it, all blonde, blue-eyed and cheerful._

_She hates her again, for just a second. Hates her for being fine and cheerful while leaving her behind, broken and barely patched together again._

_It makes her wonder if she ever meant that much to Arizona. Judging by the article it didn't take her long to get over her. Head of Pediatrics at Mass Gen. Arizona obviously hadn't struggled, she had gone places._

_Tears drip down her cheeks, she doesn't know why. Well, she does, but she refuses to admit it._

_But the moment passes, she dries her eyes and she turns the page, reading the next article._

_Ignoring the picture of the person she used to know._

_

* * *

_

_That afternoon she sits in front of her computer, her hand hovering over the mouse pad button._

_**Would you like to purchase on ticket to Massachusetts? Round Trip?**_

_The questions swirl around in her head, tempting her and entangling her in a sticky web of memories she wants to ignore. _

_So she does. She clicks a button on her keyboard that closes the page. She clears her search history for good measure._

_

* * *

_

_She's reading in bed, trying to ignore the medical journal lying on the end of her bed. But it's been a year, so she doesn't let herself throw it away. She convinces herself it's fine that Arizona has been so successful._

_She's happy for her._

_Cristina knocks on her door, tearing her away from the pages she wasn't really reading anyway. _

_She has a visitor._

_Expecting Mark, she walks out into the hallway, arms crossed and annoyed._

_She stops._

'_Hey…' _

_That blonde hair. Those blue eyes. The dimples. _

_And it all comes flooding back._

_

* * *

_

Now, two months later, she wonders what she's doing. Why she's letting Arizona fight for her.

She had been content to try to rebuild there friendship. She is willing to give Arizona that much.

But she's not sure she's willing to give Arizona everything. Not again. The year has been cruel, far beyond everything with Erica and George. She has accepted the fact that she's not the person she was a year ago. And a tiny piece of her still screams and shouts and blames Arizona for that.

But most of the time it's just a whisper of doubt in her mind. Rapidly getting louder and louder until it's screaming a warning in her thoughts.

* * *

**Review for the massive angst fest?**


	11. Stuck in Reverse

**A/N: It's Arizona turn for a flashback... yay... :) (note: It does NOT start on day one, the way Callie's did. It starts after she's been working at Mass Gen. for a while.)**

**Thank you guys so much for all the reviews last chapter and also for all the reviews on the final chapter of New History... I loved all of them :)**

**I'm very sorry for the long wait, but life has been rather busy lately...**

**REPOST: I've been getting messages saying that isn't letting people post... so this repost is just an attempt to correct that problem... No changes have been made so no worries :) **

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Eleven: Stuck in Reverse**

_And the tears come streaming down your face_  
_When you lose something you can't replace_  
_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_**_  
_-Fix You by Coldplay**

**

* * *

**

That day, the messages stop.

_Dinner is three donuts wrapped in flimsy plastic from the drug store down the street. She curls up in hotel sheets and buries her face in the pillows until she raises her eyes and watches the sunset over an unfamiliar skyline._

_Somehow she knows it is the last one. _

_Under the scattered layer of pens, crumpled receipts and lip gloss tubes at the bottom of her purse, she finds her phone. _

"_I don't know why I still call… I doubt you listen to these anymore, if you ever did. I miss you, but at the same time I hate you… You're the reason I can barely sleep at night and the reason everyone tiptoes around me like I'm broken, and I hate you for that… You don't even care enough to call and I still check my phone for messages from you every single day. God, I'm so sick of this Arizona... I can't… I just… I hope you're okay, wherever you ended up… I wish I could say that I hope you'll call back. But you won't and I still don't know why… I'm tired of blaming myself. Goodbye, Arizona." _

_She figures she's blurred the line between love and hate beyond recognition and wonders if maybe it's easier that way. _

_Darkness falls. So does she._

_

* * *

_

_Dark blue scrubs fray at the seams and memories of on-call rooms with scratchy sheets, bunk beds and locks that never seemed to keep anybody out, fade into the very back of her mind. _

_She trades forgotten names for cigarette smoke that burns in and out of her lungs as she stands up on the roof. Faces disappear as the paper carton empties and the ashes scatter around her feet. _

_She gambles for the right to finally forget with each smoke filled drag. She loses every time._

_After the second pack, she gives up. She's in too much trouble and she doesn't need to add giving herself lung caner to her list of regrets._

_It's too long already._

_She pulls the light green scrubs over her head for what feels like the thousandth time. It's only the one hundred and eighty sixth according to her calendar._

_

* * *

_

_Snow falls. The change in the seasons only serves to remind her that time is passing but even she can't resist the lure of the un-touched blanket of white covering the streets. _

_Her feet dig into the snow as icy air burns into her lungs. A park with a single swing set and a rickety wooden bench is her destination, thought she doesn't know that until she gets there._

_When she looks back she sees a trail of footprints leading through the powdery snow and ending at her own boots. She wonders if anyone will be curious enough to follow. She hopes they don't, she isn't going anywhere._

_Snowflakes swirl around her as the light from a streetlamp flickers and dims. They melt in her hair and on her fingertips as she pulls her hand from her pocket and holds it outward. One lands of her tongue, icy and feather light as she smiles in delight, the way she did as a child._

_

* * *

_

_Christmas Day rolls around and she plays hospital Santa for her patients among the bright green and red decorations she had hung up the previous week. She exchanges gifts with her coworkers, receives and few cookie cutter gifts in return. Plasters on a smile and says thank you a hundred times. _

_She avoids the Christmas and New Years day parties like the plague and alternates between the PEDs ward and her apartment._

_She turns on her TV and watches the ball drop by herself, on her sofa with a cup of microwave noodles turning frigid on the counter top._

_

* * *

_

_A loud click echoes through the room as the photographer smiles and snaps her picture. At her elbow Jacob giggles and she reaches down and ruffles his hair, returning his smile with a genuine one of her own. _

_Her clinic trial had been a success. Something useful had come from her fragile escape plan and the hours she spent burying herself in work in the PEDs ward when she couldn't sleep. It assuages the guilt that sits constantly in her chest to know that something helpful came from her running away._

_Barely._

_It only occurs to her later that __**she'll **__probably see the article._

_The guilt slams back through her, full force._

_

* * *

_

_A rare glimpse of the sun warms the frosty air as she walks home in late February. _

_She finds her way to the park again instead of heading straight home, wondering if she would ever be able to find the place if she was actually looking for it. _

_Her feet drag through the sand as the swing slowly drifts back and forth through the air._

_

* * *

_

_A nurse asks her out. It floors her for a second as her brain works to catch up with her racing heart. _

_She says no. Doesn't even consider the possibility before smiling apologetically and turning away to flee to an on-call room. Hours later, she can't even remember what the nurse looked like._

_She wonders if __**she **__has been on any dates. A small, selfish part of her hopes that she hasn't. But the much larger part of her, the part that knows every ounce of hurt she might be feeling is her fault, hopes that she has._

_She whispers an apology into the darkness and turns over on her side to face the wall. _

_Her eyes drift shut, her hands nestle themselves under her head and in the inky black, she wonders how much longer any of this can last._

_

* * *

_

_Falls asleep in the middle._

_Wakes up on the right side._

_Everyday._

_She unconsciously leaves the left side open for warm brown eyes, tanned arms and a thousand watt smile she's sure she will never going to see again._

_

* * *

_

_Her resolve crumbles as the days pass. The rise and fall of the sun and the ending of twenty-six hour shifts when she collapses into her bed, too exhausted to feel anything are her only clues to the passage of time. _

_She teeters on the edge of a knife._

_It's no longer a question of if she'll ever go back. It's a question of when. _

_She counts days in terms of surgeries. In terms of dates on the calendar she should have remembered but didn't. _

_Her reasons are exposed as thinly disguised excuses as the sun scorches its path across the sky, she signs off on another patient chart and sutures closed an incision at the end of a successful surgery. Weak, gray lies obliterated by a vibrant truth that she stores in the very back of her mind. It's getting steadily harder to ignore._

_

* * *

_

_She's playing hide and seek with one of her patients when the magazine arrives. Glossy pages, hot off the presses and poised to rip through her final defenses. _

_A hundred congratulatory smiles and pats on the back greet her when she steps into the cafeteria that day. _

_Hours later, she's called into the Chief's office. He sings her praises as she smiles politely and sits across the glossy oak table. _

_She remembers interviewing for a job at this very table a year ago. Looking around herself now, she can't remember why on earth she thought this was a solution._

_She stops him mid-sentence._

_He seems oddly surprised when she announces that she quits._

_It's so blindingly obvious to her, she stops short in surprise when he isn't stuck by the same realization. She doesn't belong here. Finally._

_She accomplished something amazing. Revolutionary. But it was a triumph born from loneliness and a desperate desire to forget the wreckage she had left in her wake. A broken lullaby that morphed into a symphony before her very eyes in the sanctuary of a PEDs on-call room._

_That's not the way she wants to do her job._

_

* * *

_

_She says goodbye to her patients the next day. Spends hour after hour going over their individual case files to a group of exhausted residents who keep sneaking looks at the clock and glancing longingly at their pagers._

_She makes sure to tell them to come prepared. Chocolate pudding, lollipops and stuffed animals work wonders._

_They look at her as if she has sprouted a third head but she plows forward regardless. She smiles, hoping that she's trusting the lives of her tiny humans to the right group of people as she brings them around to all of the patient rooms and introduces them. _

_It was these kids that kept her sane. They were her distraction. She took care of them, and she found that in their own way they took care of her. She would stay in an instant for each and every one of these tiny humans but she knows she has to finally do more than keep herself sane. And she can't do that here._

_If she's lucky, there's an Alex Karev hiding behind the bored grimaces and reluctant assistance._

_

* * *

_

_At the airport she bids goodbye to the few friends she made as she stands in front of the departures board, clutching her suitcase. She is determined to do it right, no running away this time. Just a careful and choreographed retreat._

_She melts into the crowd until a few hours later she finds herself handing her ticket to a flight attendant and boarding a non-stop direct flight to Seattle. _

_She waves a white flag at her demons as she looks out the window and watches Massachusetts melt into a blur of building and trees sliding by under the plane._

_

* * *

_

_She sees Cristina's eyes widen in poorly disguised surprise as she yanks open the door. They stand there for a few seconds as Cristina's expression melts from surprise to anger and she prays that the resident won't slam the door in her face. She expects it almost and waits with bated breath until Cristina frowns and steps aside._

_From the sofa, she can see Meredith peering curiously in their direction but there is no sign of __**her**__._

"_She's in her room."_

_She nods and follows the brunette into the living room. _

_Meredith's eyes narrow as the same anger twists across her features. She hears murmuring from down the hall and she stands stock still, overwhelmed by the memories clamoring in her mind until Meredith's voice cuts through her jumbled thoughts._

"_You're back?"_

"_Yep…" _

_Silence falls between them as she looks around the apartment. The familiarity is comforting. No fresh paint, no new furniture. Maybe it's a little cleaner than the last time she was here, but really she could have stepped back in time three hundred and sixty five days and found the same apartment._

_A door opens and she jerks her eyes upwards._

_**Calliope.**_

_**

* * *

**_

"You paged me to Joe's," Teddy stated unnecessarily as she slid into the seat next to Arizona and accepted the drink the blonde pushed in her direction.

"Yes," Arizona lifted her glass to her lips and took a small sip before smiling in Teddy's direction. "I did."

"Care to share why?" Teddy prodded as she took a sip of her own drink and narrowed her eyes in the blonde's direction. From their short friendship of a year ago and the relationship they had been slowly patching over the past months, Teddy had learned that Arizona's spontaneity was both a blessing and a curse when it came to such late-night pages.

"I need help," Arizona replied with an affirmative jerk of her head. "Really badly."

"Callie?" Teddy slumped slightly in her chair and signaled Joe to bring her another drink. This was going to be a long discussion.

"Mmhmm," Arizona nodded again. Her head tilted back thoughtfully before her eyes dropped to stare, mesmerized by the liquid swirling in the bottom of her glass. "Calliope."

"Why do you call her that, anyway?" Teddy interrupted. "I get the feeling that if I tried that she would punch me and then refuse to fix any bone she had broken."

"She might," the corner of Arizona's lips quirked up into a smirk as her mind drifted back a year and a half in time when Callie had asked her that same question. "Callie, as a name, is too… ordinary… And she's _anything_ but ordinary… She's beautiful and-"

"I get it," Teddy flashed Arizona a wry smile as the PEDs surgeon blushed and took another long sip of her drink. "But what's the problem?"

"She can't trust me anymore," Arizona began slowly, as if she was sorting out her own thoughts as she was explaining them to Teddy. "I get it. I really do, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to show her that she can trust me this time…"

"Can she?"

"Teddy-"

"Arizona, you've probably heard several versions about what happened after you left, but I don't think anyone is really ever going to be able to put into words what _you _did to her." Arizona flinched and dropped her gaze to the counter top. "If you want to earn her trust back I don't think one grand gesture of love is going to cover it. I don't think anything will ever really cover it."

"She can trust me again," Determination flashed in her blue eyes and hardened at the edges of her lips. "I don't expect that decorating her apartment with candles and throwing rose petals everywhere is going to much but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do… I know what I'm fighting for... I just don't really know how to fight for it…" She raised her hands in exasperation and dropped them helplessly on the countertop.

"I definitely wouldn't start with candles and rose petals," Teddy teased, earning a reluctant smile that hinted at the blonde's dimples. "But I think what you need to do right now it to be a friend to her… She was messed up for a long time and she's just getting back it all back together now… She needs friends and support and love… Give it a while before brining out the rose petals."

"Teddy Altman, a romantic. Who knew?" Arizona smirked and leaned over to nudge her friend with her elbow.

"Ha. Ha." She tipped the last remains of her drink into her mouth and put the glass back down on the table.

"So…" Arizona bit her lip. "I should try to be her friend? Because we tried that, and it didn't go so well."

"You shouldn't try to be her friend while going off and dating someone else…" Teddy said pointedly, raising her eyebrows. "Mandy was_ not_ a good idea."

She held up a hand as Arizona opened her mouth to defend herself.

"Look you're allowed to make mistakes… Yours just seem to be a bit more life-altering than most… But you don't have to be her friend in a totally non-romantic way… You two will never be able to do that in my opinion, but she needs to trust you before she can allow herself to admit that she still loves you."

"You think she still loves me?"

"Yeah… I don't think anyone doubts that." Her shoulders hunched up into a shrug. "But, it doesn't matter if she can't trust you… I don't really blame her for that."

"Thanks, Teddy." Arizona flashed her friend a grateful smile as she got up from the bar stool and grabbed her purse.

"I'm an _awesome_ friend…" Teddy mocked. Arizona rolled her eyes and shook her head reproachfully in her friend's direction as Teddy reached up and signaled Joe to bring her another drink.

"You're staying?"

"Yeah," Teddy shrugged. "It's my night off… But you should go, I can tell you have some weird idea by that look in your eye and I'm not sure I want to be a part of it."

Arizona's blue eyes widened in surprise for a moment before a delighted giggle parted her lips. "Don't worry… I won't take up anymore of your precious time. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"See ya," She waved at the blonde as she turned and walked out of the bar before taking a quick sip of her drink.

"I never said sorry…" Teddy turned around in surprise as Arizona's voice reached her ears from somewhere behind her. "For leaving and not answering any of the times you called… I know things have sort of gotten back to normal over the past few months and I've been trying to fix things between Calliope and I but I wanted you to know… I'm sorry."

"I don't need any rose petals either," Teddy waved her off, but shot Arizona genuine smile over her shoulder.

Arizona grinned. "Duly noted. I take it that means I don't need to decorate your apartment with candles?"

"I'm going to pass on that, but thanks."

"Well if you're sure… I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yep."

She almost spilled her drink all over the bar as Arizona caught her by surprise and pulled her into a brief but tight hug.

"Thanks." After one more dimpled smile, Arizona was gone.

* * *

"Hey Calliope… It's me... uhm… Arizona… I know you don't think I listened to any of those messages you left on my phone, but I did. I waited for your calls all morning because I would get to hear your voice… even when you were yelling and telling me you hated me, I still listened… They helped. Really, your messages and my patients kept me from totally breaking down most days. I listened to them an embarrassing amount, even after you stopped calling. And, I still have them saved… I told you I was going to fight for your trust again and I am… I'm going to be here and I'm going to be there for you… even just as a friend if that's what you need from me… And, I'm going to leave you messages. Twenty six to be exact because that's how many I was able to save on my phone before the memory ran out… Oh and this doesn't count by the way, you know as one of the twenty six… Goodnight Calliope."

* * *

**A/N: So a little less angst... right? :)**

**P.S. Butterflies and Hurricanes is coming back, so chapter nine of that will be the next update.**

**Review... pretty please?**


	12. Wakeup Call

**A/N: Many apologies… I have HALF of the next Butterflies and Hurricanes chapter written but unfortunately after that point writer's block appeared and foiled my attempts to finish the chapter… I don't like writing when it feels like I'm forcing myself to finish a chapter because… when that happens they're often not that good.**

**By Sunday or Monday I should have the chapter finished. Pinky swear.**

**But in the meantime…**

**You get angst. Oh joy :)**

**NOTE: Music and edits in the morning.**

**

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Twelve: Wakeup Call **

"Hey Callie," Mark grabbed the brunette's cell phone off the counter top and held it out to the brunette. "Callie…. Callie… Callie…" He repeated, brandishing the phone her face as he attempted to tear her attention away from the magazine article she was apparently fully engrossed in. "You're phone's ringing."

At that, she looked up. "Let it go to voicemail," she replied, biting her lip and dragging her eyes back down to the article.

"Why?" Mark prodded, looking curiously at the number flashing on the caller ID.

"Just do it."

"Oh hey," Mark smirked as comprehension dawned over his expression. "Callie, it's Arizona." Without hesitation and ignoring Callie's exclamation of protest he flipped her phone open. "Hey Robbins." He began cheerfully as Callie stared daggers at him from the sofa.

"Mark," she hissed, leaning forward and making a grab for her cell phone. "Hang. Up. The. Phone."

A few seconds later, he closed the phone with confusion and annoyance obvious across his expression. "What is it with you two?" He questioned, tossing her phone on the sofa and giving Callie the opportunity to tuck it safely in her pocket.

"What?"

"She also demanded that I hang up the phone… Why would she call you, if neither of you had any intention of actually talking?"

"She leaves me messages," Callie answered. She kept her gaze fixed steadily on the print in front of her thought Mark caught the small smile that snuck across her lips.

"She leaves you _messages?" _Mark echoed, Callie's explanation doing nothing to decrease his confusion. "She calls_ just_ to leave you messages?"

"Yep." Callie flipped the page in her magazine and focused her attention on the continuing article until it was snatched from her grasp by her best friend who was now leaning forward curiously, clutching the magazine out of reach.

"What _kind _of messages?"

"Don't know," Callie shrugged, leaned back and closed her eyes. "Tonight is the first one."

"You guys arranged this?" He squinted. "What the-" His eyes instantly lit up and a huge smirk transformed his expression. "Wait. Are they _those_ kind of messages?"

"What-" Callie looked up, in surprise before she scowled reproachfully in his direction. "No."

"Then what-"

Both Callie and Mark looked down at her pocket as her phone rang loudly through the apartment. Callie slid it out of her pocket and checked the caller ID, as a small swirl of excitement making it's way into her brown eyes.

"Is it Robbins?" Mark asked teasingly. "Leaving you a… _message_."

"Suck it Mark." Callie rose and walked out of the living room, phone in hand. "Oh," she turned around and fixed him with a glare before flicking her gaze obviously through the front door. "Cristina asked me to tell you to stop mooching off of our alcohol… She says you spend too much time here and it seriously puts a dent her precious supply."

* * *

"_Hey Callie… It's Arizona, well... you know that but… Hi. I haven't seen you around for the past few days, but I guess the PEDs ward and the Orthopedics wing of the hospital are pretty far apart. I thought I would tell you about Massachusetts a little, if that's okay. You don't have to listen if you want… you can hang up and I'll probably never know… But I hope you listen… Okay… But I have to start in the before for this story to make any sense… Before I went to Mass Gen, I flew out to my parent's house… I already told you about Matthew and what ended up happening, so I won't go into that… but you should know that the moment I got there I wanted to call you… I didn't though, but I held onto the thought that if after the trial I wasn't too much of a mess then I would fly back to Seattle and take it all back… But then… he died and everything kind of fell apart. I felt guilty, because in college ignored the drugs I knew he was taking… I spent months blaming myself for what happened, and isolating myself from everyone who would force me to feel something… My parents, my friends back home… and you… It was all too much to explain when I thought I had caused it... So I ran… So, that's my first message… How did I do?"_

_

* * *

_

"_So… time for the second message… I'll just start where I left off I guess… I flew out to Massachusetts the day after his funeral. I didn't give myself any time to think, because I knew if I paused for only a moment I would make what I thought was the wrong choice. Anyway… I think I smoked practically a pack a day for the first two days I was there… I was in too much trouble for even cigarettes to help so I stopped cold turkey. Donuts helped a little bit, but not much… On my first day as Mass Gen. I picked up my phone… When you called, I mean… You said my name a few times, and I think you knew I was there because you just started talking to me…. Asking me why I had left, and when I was coming back. I just clammed up. For all of those speeches you tease me about making, I couldn't even find a single word to say to you… I guess hanging up wasn't the best idea either… That almost broke me… I think I'm the first person in the history of Mass Gen to take time off on their first day but I had to leave after that… I just couldn't deal with anything so I went back to my hotel room with a box of donuts… I think my phone is about to run out of batteries so that's it for message number two… I hope you're doing okay Callie. Sweet dreams."_

_

* * *

_

"_Thanks for the coffee today, I really needed it. This message is coming to you at three in the morning because I was paged into the ER and I'm caught between deciding to drive twenty minutes back home or to catch a few hours of sleep in an On-Call room… But, I'll keep telling you about Mass Gen, If you still want to listen. The people are… different there. Everyone is concerned about publishing research and credit for the most revolutionary surgeries and that happened at Seattle Grace too but I feel like people kind of forgot to care about the patients. There's not quite as much gossip though, no one is as close as the staff at Seattle Grace so any gossip doesn't spread like wildfire the way is does here… My first patient was a boy named Timothy, and I was working with a resident who acts the way Alex does but minus the talent for PEDs that makes the surly attitude bearable. The surgery was a success and he made a full recovery but the second I walked out of the OR it hit me for the first time how different everything was. I couldn't skate down to the ER and tell Miranda Bailey about my successful surgery, there was no 'Joe's' in Massachusetts and I was 2,500 miles away from you and what was once our apartment… I'm telling you this because… I don't want you to think it was easy. I know I did this to myself… to us, and I'll never stop regretting it but I want you to know that leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do… So I'm telling you my side of the story… You were constantly on my mind and even the most ordinary objects… like the pencils at the ER desk you always fiddle with and re-organize when you're bored, would remind me of you… Just… I don't want you to think that I moved on instantly… okay? I never did. Nothing could be further from the truth… Wow… it's almost three thirty… so I'm going to try to sleep now but maybe you'll hear this when you wake up…"_

_

* * *

_

Arizona peered through the darkness and reached out a hand blindly toward the beeping noise that came from the direction of her nightstand. Her hand collided with her alarm clock first as she slid it across the wooden surface the small table until it brushed against the smooth plastic of her phone.

"Yes?" she mumbled groggily as she propped herself up on one elbow laboriously and held the phone to her ear.

"You need to go to Joe's."

"Mark?" Arizona frowned as her eyes strayed to the alarm clock on her bedside table. "What on earth are you calling me at two thirty in the morning for?"

"I told you. You need to go to Joe's," he repeated and Arizona swore she heard him yawn through the phone.

"And why am I going to Joe's?" She asked, stumbling over the words as she fell back against the pillows. If this was one of his ridiculous jokes, Mark Slaon was going to find himself on the receiving end of a Heeley to a _very_ sensitive area when she got to work.

"You need to pick up Callie." Arizona jerked upright, her eyes flying wide open in surprise and worry as she instantly became alert.

"What happened?" Arizona asked breathlessly, already halfway out of bed.

"She lost a patient… It was a simple surgery, but complications happen…" Arizona found herself nodding along. "I was On-Call and Cristina was off with Owen so she went to Joe's by herself… She's still there apparently and Joe paged me to come get her…"

"So why don't you go get here?" Arizona asked, still slightly confused by her role in all of this.

"Because you're going to go get her." Mark answered and Arizona frowned, knowing that he was anticipating going straight back to sleep for another few hours.

"I would. But we both know that I'm not the person she wants to see right now."

"Arizona," to her surprise, Arizona heard a hint of genuine exasperation in his voice. "You leave her messages and that's great… I get what you're doing and honestly barring tonight I haven't seen Callie this happy in a while…But you can't hide behind the phone messages and small-talk conversations if she actually needs you… and right now, she does. You two can get back to your snail paced relationship once you get her out of the bar and safely back to her apartment."

"You're saying all that because you want to go back to sleep," Arizona muttered as she pulled on a pair of pants and tried to one-handedly put on a sweatshirt. "But you're right. I'm on my way."

"I know." Arizona grimaced as she head another yawn on the other end of the line. "You're doing the right thing Arizona."

Arizona walked quickly into the bar fifteen minutes later and had no trouble locating Callie among the empty barstools and scattered, empty glasses.

"Long time no see Dr. Robbins," Joe's brow furrowed. "Really long time no see, come to think of it. I paged Mark but he said you would come to get her… I thought you two broke up…"

"We did and I guess we still kind of are broken up…" Arizona replied simply as she flashed the bartender a tired smile and walked up to the brunette who was fiddling idly with an empty shot class.

"Callie?" Arizona began carefully as she laid her hand gently on Callie's back. The brunette stiffened under her though and a pair of accusing brown eyes bore into hers.

"What are you doing here?" Callie asked, slurring the simple sentence as she continued to glare at Arizona.

"Mark called me."

"Asshole," Callie mumbled, resting her head on the palm of her hand and turning her gaze back down to the dirty bar counter.

"Come on," Arizona gestured toward the door. "I'm going to drive you back to your apartment. You really should get some sleep…" She didn't Callie the chance to object the way she knew she would and wrapped an arm around the brunette's shoulders as she guided her from the bar.

* * *

"Where's your key?" Callie jammed her hands into her pockets and swayed slowly from side to side as she waited for Arizona to open the door to her apartment.

That question earned her a strange look from the blonde. "Callie… I gave it back to you."

"Oh-" Callie fiddled with a stray thread in he pocket. "You mean when… yeah… Sorry…" Arizona just nodded, reached into the purse hanging from Callie's shoulder and dug around the layer of forgotten papers, pens, a phone and an iPod until she found a key. As Callie waited, she fit it into the lock and pushed the door open, ignoring the unexpected wave of nostalgia that coursed through her body.

She grabbed the back of Callie's jacket as the brunette stumbled forward into her apartment and while keeping Callie steadily upright , kicked the door shut.

"Want me to grab you some pajamas?" Arizona asked as Callie collapsed onto the sofa and buried her face against the bright red cushions.

"They're in the um…" Callie stumbled as the name slipped her mind, probably aided by the huge amount of alcohol she had consumed at the bar. "The… uh…"

"Same place?' Arizona paused and looked back, waiting for Callie's nod.

"Yep. Never changed."

"Be right back then." Arizona disappeared and returned a few minutes later with two pairs of pajamas clutched in her hands. "So," you have a choice. "Striped, or not?" She asked as Callie tried her hardest to focus on the articles of clothing that seemed to be swimming before her very eyes. She reached out an unsteady hand toward one pair and Arizona smiled brightly and handed them over to her . "Good choice.

Half an hour later, Arizona followed Callie in to her bedroom and paused a few feet from the bed as Callie clambered in and snuggled down under the covers.

"You're okay?" The blonde asked tentatively as she strayed toward the doorway.

"Yeeeep…" Callie murmured, her voice already taking on the hazy, slurred quality that accompanies the brink of sleep. "I'm great…"

"Well… goodnight," Arizona backed up a few more feet. "I'll leave some aspirin out on the counter for you in the morning, okay?"

"Where are you going?" Callie reluctantly dragged one of her eyes open. "It's like three in the morning."

"Back to my apartment, or maybe to the hospital since it's so close…"

"Just stay here," Callie lifted an arm and vaguely gestured around the room. "It's too late… you shouldn't have to drive."

"It's okay I really don't want-"

"Please stay?" Callie didn't quite know why she said it, she just knew that she hated the idea of Arizona leaving.

"Are you sure?" Arizona asked, looking around the room nervously and still standing awkwardly away from the bed.

"Sure, you can drive me to work tomorrow," Callie mumbled teasingly as she fought to keep her eyes open. "You can borrow some pajamas if you want."

"Okay," Arizona replied quietly. "I'll just go… and change." She mumbled, as she reached into Callie's top drawer and pulled out the first pair of pajamas she found.

* * *

More than an hour later, Callie woke up and for the first time in more than six months noticed the absence of a blonde haired woman on the other side of the bed. She guessed that she had fallen asleep when Arizona was changing but that didn't really explain where Arizona had ended up.

With an annoyed sigh, Callie pulled the covers back and dragged herself reluctantly out of bed. She walked quickly into the living room, looking for evidence that Arizona was even still in the apartment. She found her purse on the kitchen table and her coat hanging on the back of a chair but still no sign of the blonde. As she turned to head back down the hall and check the bathroom, she spotted a familiar set of blonde curls nestled at one end of the couch.

She tip-toed over and knelt by the coffee table, taking in the sigh of Arizona who had found an blanket and had somehow squeezed herself into a sleeping position on the sofa. However she had managed to fall asleep like that, Callie doubted it was comfortable.

"Arizona." Callie murmured. When she got no response, she raised her voice a fraction and laid a hand on Arizona's shoulder. "Arizona."

After another few seconds, Arizona's blue eyes fluttered open and she stared up at Callie in confusion. "Did I wake you up-"

"Don't be an idiot. Come to bed."

"Calliope," Arizona sighed, using the brunette's full name without thinking. "I didn't want to-"

"It doesn't matter… I can stand to sleep in the same bed with you if that's what you're worried about…" She paused. "I don't know what we are exactly, but _friends _sleep in the same bed all the time… Cristina used to sneak off to Meredith's at least once a week before Owen came along…"

"Cristina and Meredith weren't in love and didn't break up and also one of them didn't run off and abandon the other one for year," Arizona explained sleepily as she slumped back onto the sofa.

"Technicality," Callie replied. "Now stop being selfless and annoying and come to bed before we waste the last two hours of sleep we actually have, arguing… plus I'm starting to feel the effects of my hangover so I would really like to go to sleep before it starts to fee like my head is going to explode."

It was probably the most annoyed and strangest invitation to bed Arizona Robbins had ever received, but she relented and accepted nonetheless.

* * *

Callie woke up slowly that morning as sunlight flooded her bedroom. Her eyes fluttered open, but instead of the interior of her bedroom, she was face to face with a sleeping blonde whose arm was wrapped around her waist and whose legs were tangled with her own.

She inched away, realizing that she had also had an arm wrapped tightly around Arizona's waist and that during the night she had nestled her head in the crook of Arizona's neck.

As panic twisted in her chest, Callie pulled away and quickly got out of bed. She walked a few feet away, returning to their safe, 'friendly' distance before she let her gaze stray to the blonde still sleeping soundly in her bed. She hurriedly yanked on a pair of pants and a t-shirt before sparing Arizona one last glance and heading for the door.

She paused in the doorway, and tiptoed back to her bedside. With a pen she dug out of her purse and a scrap piece of paper, Callie scribbled a quick note and place on the pillow next to Arizona's.

On impulse she leaned forward and pressed a light kiss against Arizona's forehead before murmuring a soft goodbye and escaping to Seattle Grace.

* * *

**A/N: This actually was less angsty =D**

**As soon as the writer's block is gone, Butterflies and Hurricanes will be up.**

**Like? Hate? Review? :)**


	13. Cut Me Down to Size

**A/N: Once again, sorry for the long wait :) I was totally swamped this week…**

**From A Whisper to a Scream  
****Chapter Thirteen: Cut Me Down to Size**

_Take what you want_  
_Steal my pride_  
_Build me up_  
_Or cut me down to size_  
_Shut me out_  
_But I'll just scream_  
_Im only one voice in a million_  
**-Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfield**

**

* * *

**

_Thank you._

_I'll be waiting for message # 4. :)_

_-C_

Arizona sighed and crumpled the paper between her fingers before pulling it to her chest and snuggling down deeper under the blanket. She hadn't noticed the brunette's absence at first; waking up alone wasn't exactly a new experience for her after the past year, but as her sleep-muddled brain adjusted to the unfamiliar scenery, the previous night started to come back to her. That was when she had sat up abruptly and stared at the empty space next to her, occupied only by a crumpled post-it note.

"_Hey Callie… So this is message four,"_ her fingers knotted in the blankets as she drew in a deep breath. _"I'm actually still sitting in your bedroom, which is a bit of an odd feeling since you're not actually here… but I'll deal… Maybe you're in surgery or something… and you got paged, but I'd have woken up if your pager had gone off... I guess you just, left then… So, now I feel all guilty for kicking you out of your own bed when you are the one who likes to sleep late and I'm usually up at the crack of dawn… Anyway I'll be in for rounds in a few hours. I'm going to head back to my apartment in the meantime, but maybe I'll see you at the hospital or something… Anyway, sorry this is so short but I think I hear Cristina banging around in the kitchen and I'm going to go see if I can steal some of her breakfast before I go… This wasn't really a real message, so I'll make number five super long to make up for it. So… I'll talk to you later, okay? And I'm sorry if you left so early because I was…. you know… here."_

She closed her phone and tossed it down on the mattress before letting out a groan and collapsing back against the pillows. She could actually hear Cristina doing something in the kitchen, but her months of experience with the resident's cooking had left her wary of any attempts Cristina made to actually feed her. Not only would it be extremely out of character for the brunette to go out of her way to cook for someone else, but it was bound to be laced with some sort of alcohol. Arizona clearly remembered a rather unpleasant tequila-waffle incident of 2009 that had left quite an impression on her digestive system.

Gathering her clothes and tucking them under her arm Arizona cautiously opened the door as soon as she heard the noises in the kitchen slow, and stop. She was actually dreading an encounter with Christina Yang, and with her clothes under her arm and the fact she was wearing Callie's pajamas, Cristina would undoubtedly misinterpret the situation.

She let her eyes trace carefully around the room before she shut the door behind her and tiptoed out into the hallway.

"Blondie?" Cristina asked curiously from the other end of the hall, presumably after watching Arizona try to sneak out un-suspected.

"Cristina…" The brunette's traveled to the familiar pajamas she was clad in, taking in the fact that they were about a foot too long and a slow smirk crossed her lips.

"Dude… Are you doing the walk of shame?" She dipped her spoon into the bowl of cheerios she was holding and leaned against the doorframe. "I thought Callie left a few hours ago…"

"Yeah… she did," Arizona bit her lip and shrugged. "Look it's not what you think…"

"So you two didn't… uh… _get friendly_…" Cristina rolled her eyes. "Because you're wearing her pajamas and you were sleeping in her room…" She gestured toward Arizona's attire. "Pretty obvious, don't you think?"

"I brought her home from Joe's and she convinced me to stay the night. That's all."

"She _convinced_ you?" The brunette raised an eyebrow and Arizona winced. "Did she also _convince_ you to sleep in her bed and wear her clothes? You never needed much convincing before… If I recall."

"Actually yeah… she kind of did," A sheepish grin twisted up at the corners of her lips. "We didn't do _that, _we just slept. She had a hangover, and I was exhausted."

"That's hot." Cristina replied sarcastically, stepping out of her bedroom and down the hall while draining the last dregs of cereal from her bowl. "You lesbians. You complicate everything. _That _is why I don't date girls."

"No, _I_ complicated things," Arizona replied, following Cristina down the hall with her clothes still clutched under her arm. "Now I'm fixing them."

"Have fun with that," she dropped her bowl and spoon into the sink with a loud clatter, not bothering to wash them or put them in the dishwasher. "Just don't run away again. My alcohol supply can't take a hit like that again if I don't want to bankrupt myself."

"Doesn't _anyone _trust me?" She kept her tone light, teasing, but even Cristina could tell there was genuine concern to her question.

Cristina paused, looking thoughtful for a moment before she glanced back at Arizona and shrugged. "Nope. I don't think so."

"Great. You didn't even_ like_ me, Cristina… Don't deny it," she replied when Cristina opened her mouth to argue. "You practically chewed my head off for simply eating the last of your Wheat Thins once. And we had an entire separate box. Did my leaving really affect you… at all?"

Arizona found herself on the receiving end of a fierce glare for a few moments as Cristina doubt rekindled her anger of the infamous Wheat Thins incident, but she eventually rolled her eyes. "You're talking to Callie's roommate, Blondie. I may have not cried myself to sleep every night because of my undying love for you, but I had hear my roommate doing that… then she moped and because she was bored she cleaned, which pissed me off… You hurt Callie and we all felt it. Then there was the string of one-night stands that I had to deal with in the mornings."

Arizona paled slightly and Cristina seemed to realize her blunder but instead of trying to fix it she just watched blankly as Arizona struggled to keep the emotion off of her face.

"You had to… deal with them?" She asked quietly after a long pause.

"Yeah. She always left early, and I had to get them out of our apartment since she had practically abandoned them." Cristina shrugged, watching Arizona with narrowed eyes. "That's what I thought had happened with you, honestly."

"Great," Arizona sighed. "I'm the same as them to her… aren't I?"

"Not really… at least they got McNasty first." Cristina smirked. "You just got pajamas."

"Thanks… really Cristina…" Her shoulder's slumped and she grabbed her coat off the back of the chair.

"No problem."

* * *

"You're doing everything right, you know…" Arizona whipped around, blushing at the fact she had been caught staring and slightly frightened because Izzie Stevens had seemingly snuck up behind her. The blonde resident just smirked and gestured toward the brunette across the cafeteria that had held Arizona's attention. Callie, of course.

"How do you do that?" Arizona grabbed a pudding off of her tray and viciously tore the tin-foil wrapper off.

"Do what?" Izzie innocently raised her eyebrows and took a nonchalant bite of her apple.

"Pop up out of nowhere and offer advice," she tossed the tin foil in the nearest garbage and dipped the tip of her spoon in the chocolate pudding she had been craving since that morning. Since she didn't have time to rush off and buy out the stock at the nearest Dunkin' Donuts, so she had settled for Chocolate pudding; her back up comfort food.

"Let's just say I have… experience in this area…" Izzie's brown eyes filled with something Arizona hadn't seen much of since her return. Sympathy. "I hate seeing someone going through the same thing I did."

"We brought it on ourselves you know… I'm not the person you should pity, Izzie. She is," she jabbed her spoon in Callie's direction and then shot a death glare in the direction of the scrub nurse Callie was having lunch with.

"Maybe. But I don't think Callie Torres wants my pity," Izzie replied honestly, before taking the seat across from Arizona and setting her tray down on the table.

"What if I don't either?" Arizona challenged. She didn't mean to be this nasty and she wasn't usually this blunt when she was upset, preferring to avoid confrontation all together, but she needed to vent. All of her energy was concentrated on trying to get people to forgive her, a penance she rightly deserved but one that was slightly exhausting when showing even the slightest hint of anger could be dooming to the small ground she had managed to make with Callie or her other old friends.

"Well, most other people won't believe you if you tell them how _hard _it was for you… They can't see why you couldn't have just gone back to her right away… But I get it. So you get my pity, because I can empathize." Izzie offered and with a self-satisfied nod, took another bite of apple, obviously waiting for Arizona to digest this information.

"I shouldn't… I don't_ get_ to be upset about how it was for me…" Arizona remarked slowly. "Not when it was my fault. It seems wrong to even try to tell her about how much I wanted to come back… because all she's going to ask is 'why didn't you?' and I don't even know if I can really answer that."

"You can be upset, but you're doing the right thing by not trying to make the entire ordeal about you… It'll get better."

"How long did it take with you and Alex?"

"About half a year… maybe more… I mean after a few months we were technically back together but it didn't feel like we were a couple again until about six months."

"I've got some time then," Arizona sighed.

"You're doing all right," Izzie assured her.

"Hey Iz-" Alex stopped short when he saw his mentor sitting at the same table with his wife and looked between them with obvious surprise.

"Hey," Izzie smiled, looking up at Alex and grabbing her tray to join him. "I'll see you around okay, Dr. Robbins?"

"Thank you Dr. Stevens," Arizona waved the two of them off, jealous of their easy, seemingly uncomplicated relationship. However if was comforting to know that someone understood… even if it was the person who destroyed her ex-girlfriend's first marriage.

* * *

Callie was always on edge. Ever since Arizona had announced rather grandly that she planned to fight for her she always felt guilty, like going to Joe's and flirting innocently would somehow hurt Arizona. It probably would, she reasoned but she wasn't _Arizona's_. Not anymore. Or rather, not _yet._ And she could flirt with whomever she wanted. She didn't want to, but she desperately clung to this last shred of independence before Arizona managed to worm her way through all of her defenses.

Except it was very difficult when she could feel Arizona's blue eyes burning holes into her back as she sat across the flimsy plastic cafeteria table from a pretty scrub nurse she had met the day before. Very. Very. Difficult.

Then, she had turned around and found Arizona sitting with Izzie Stevens. While stealing glances in their direction, she had decided that them together was honestly too much blonde and perky in such close proximity. Bailey would have a field day working with the both of them.

She had turned her attention back to the woman across from her, trying to stop sneaking glances in Arizona's direction until when she looked back, the blonde was gone and she felt herself relax. But the guilt didn't go away as she had hoped, so she excused herself soon after.

She ended up walking back by herself, hoping that there was some nice complicated ortho trauma to take her mind off of everything when she checked her cell phone and found one new voice mail and an unread text.

Her voice caught in her throat as dialed her voicemail and instantly recognized Arizona's voice.

"_Hey Callie… So this is message four. I'm actually still sitting in your bedroom, which is a bit of an odd feeling since you're not actually here… but I'll deal… Maybe you're in surgery or something… and you got paged, but I'd have woken up if your pager had gone off... I guess you just, left then… So, now I feel all guilty for kicking you out of your own bed when you are the one who likes to sleep late and I'm usually up at the crack of dawn… Anyway I'll be in for rounds in a few hours. I'm going to head back to my apartment in the meantime, but maybe I'll see you at the hospital or something… Anyway, sorry this is so short but I think I hear Cristina banging around in the kitchen and I'm going to go see if I can steal some of her breakfast before I go… so… I'll talk to you later, okay? And I'm sorry if you left so early because I was…. you know… here."_

She winced; imaging the encounter Arizona must have had with Cristina and instantly regretting abandoning the blonde to such a fate. Her lips twisted down into a sad frown at the ending to the message.

She had honestly hoped that Arizona would assume she'd had to leave because of a page or some hospital emergency. However it was obvious from the resigned and sorrowful tone that colored Arizona's voice that she was aware that she had simply left her. For no good reason.

As she clicked a few buttons to read the text, even more guilt churning in the pit of her stomach, she gasped in surprise.

**_Hey… I'm doing paperwork in the PEDs on-call room. :) :) :)_**

**_I really need to talk to you… if you have time. :) :) :)_**

**_X A :)_**

Callie stared, caught between wanting to run to the PEDs on-call room and wanting to run to the opposite end of the hospital. And seriously? What was with the massive amount of unnecessary smilies?

_

* * *

_

Arizona was shuffling through the stack of papers in front of her, muttering under her breath and tapping a pen against the table with her free hand when Callie came in. She didn't even notice at first, and Callie took advantage of that and just stood there watching the blonde furiously flip through the mess until she let out a triumphant exclamation and held up a form before slamming it down on the table.

She was sure that Arizona probably wouldn't have wanted her to witness that display of victory but as long as she hadn't noticed, Callie contented herself with just watching.

After about five minutes Arizona caught sight of her out of the corner of her eye and jumped in surprise, scattering the papers across the table again. With an embarrassed giggle, she blushed a violent red and coughed.

"Callie… how long have you been there?"

"A while," she raised an eyebrow, finding the obvious mortification that was obvious on Arizona's expression slightly amusing.

"Oh… that's… that's nice…" Arizona coughed again and looked away, busying herself with reorganizing the stack of papers on the table.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Callie prompted when it seemed like Arizona wasn't going to be offering up any conversation topics. "The text?"

"Callie I left my phone at your apartment this morning… I forgot it on your nightstand and I was going to go to your apartment after work to see if I could find it…." She looked up at Callie in confusion. "I didn't text you…"

Wordlessly Callie pulled out her cell phone and handed it to Arizona, the blonde's eyes widened as she read the text.

"Callie I didn't-"

The lock twisted shut with an audible click behind them just as Callie had made a grab for the door handle.

"Cristina." Callie muttered, as her phone beeped signaling a new text.

**_Sucker._**

**_Tell Blondie not to leave her phone out. Do you know she saved like every message you've ever sent her? Cheesy._**

**_Anyway. Talk._**

**_-C_**

_"_Cristina," Callie barked seconds later after dialing Arizona's phone number. "Let us out."

"No. You totally fell for that text... I added all the extra smilies to sound like Roller Girl... all happy and whatever."

"Yes. Ha. Ha. You got me. Let us out now."

"No, I'm serious. I want you guys to talk."

"Cristina we're adults. We'll talk if we want to, you don't need to lock us up."

"Yeah. I do. I'm sick of the two of you... It's been months, and Callie I get it... but _seriously _cut her some slack and at least talk to her_. _I mean, at least do it for me... I'm so sick off all this drama. I want to go home and not have to deal with upset lesbians everyday of the week."

"Cristi-"

"Look. You're locked in. If you can't stand each other so much, just talk faster so I'll let you out sooner."

"No-"

"Bye."

* * *

**A/N: So I am actually working on Beautiful Liars and that should be up soon... but Butterflies and Hurricanes is next :)**

**The end is near, for this story at least :)**

**Reviews make me smile :)**


	14. I Found Out

**A/N: I'm cured! NO more sickness XDD**

**

* * *

**

_**Just the right amount**_  
_**Of love and doubt**_  
_**I found out**_

_**You're asleep**_  
_**And pressed up against my arm**_  
_**So lovely and calm**_  
_**But do you dream  
**_**-Love and Doubt by Slowrunner**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
Chapter Fourteen: I Found Out **

All of a sudden, the room was suffocating. Arizona immersed herself in organizing and reorganizing the stacks of paper that littered the table as Callie stood, shoulders tensed, with her back to Arizona and faced the door, furiously punching buttons on her phone. She watched as Callie's lips curled down into a frown as she read a new text message though the phone was quickly stuffed in her pocket and away from prying eyes before Arizona could read any further.

"So…" Callie looked sideways at Arizona and leaned up against the doorframe. "What's up?"

"Calliope-"

Callie cut her off with an abruptly raised hand. "Arizona, look. We're going to play along with Cristina's game for maybe fifteen minutes, a half an hour max then we're out of here."

"But-"

"Her locking us up in a room together is not going to solve any of… it…" She offered Arizona what the blonde considered to be a very strained, fake version of the thousand-watt smile she adored and lapsed into extremely uncomfortable silence.

A minute passed.

Then another.

Five.

Six.

She couldn't take it anymore.

"Calliop- _Callie…" _Arizona bit her lip and summoned whatever was left of her frayed nerves as a clear warning flashed in Callie's brown eyes. "Maybe we should _talk. _I mean… it could help…"

Callie shifted, consciously creating more distance between herself and Arizona, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. She caught the flash of hurt that sparked through those blue eyes and the faint purse of Arizona's lips that usually signaled the arrival of the blonde's formidable pout, though she doubted Arizona would try that. "Help with what?" She asked nonchalantly, pressing the 'send' button on her phone and waiting for her phone to vibrate to signal the arrival of the reply.

"Never mind." Arizona shuffled from the chair to the bed without sparing Callie another glance and Callie sighed, relived that the blonde seemed willing to pass the rest of their sentence in silence.

After a few more long, painful seconds, Callie's pager beeped loudly through the thick silence of the on-call room and she caught the narrowed, suspicious glance that Arizona fired in her direction at the all too convenient arrival of a page.

"911," She remarked by means of explanation and dialed Cristina's number in her phone. "I'm going to call Cristina to let us out."

"You didn't check it," came the quiet reply from the on-call room bed, though there was an edge to Arizona's tone that Callie knew from a year of previous experience to be wary of.

"Wha-"

"How did you know that it was a 911 page, when you didn't check it?" To Callie's surprise, Arizona stood up and walked toward her. She reached a hand down and deftly plucked the pager from Callie's pocket before glancing down at the screen.

Her gaze hardened to an icy blue and she handed the pager back to Callie with an acerbic smile. "Mark. He paged you with the word… poundcake."

"He-"

"Don't." This time it was Arizona who held up a hand. "Just don't. Spare me, please. If you want to go, just lie to Cristina and get the hell out. You don't need to go to all the trouble of making up a fake page."

"Arizona, you weren't-"

"Call Cristina." Arizona retreated back to the on-call room bed and slumped down into a sitting position on the lumpy mattress. "Go on."

"It's not like you want to be in here either…" Callie tried, the phone still clutched in her grasp.

"I did actually…" She replied, catching off guard. "I mean, Cristina's whole plan is a bit stupid and juvenile… but I want to talk to you, and you know exactly what about."

Callie sighed and moved away from the door to settle down into a chair a few feet from Arizona. She made a point of setting her phone on the table and turning it off before looking up at Arizona to see a glint of annoyance, mixed with amusement dancing in her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere…" Callie murmured. "We can talk… if you want to."

"Thanks." Arizona let a sigh of relief pass her lips and sat up slightly straighter. "I just… I don't get it."

"_Okaaay_… be more specific."

"Why did you leave this morning?" She began, pulling a crumpled note from her pocket and sliding it across the table.

"You forget your phone on my night table, but you remember to bring _this_?" With the faint hint of a smile, Callie reached out and gingerly picked up the note.

Arizona nodded, feeling her cheeks flood with blush.

"It hit a little to close to home… waking up barely inches away from you again…" Callie passed the note back to Arizona. "I've been waking up alone for the past year and a few months… and suddenly there you were, like nothing happened."

"Cristina said… it happened a lot." Arizona bit her lip, treading carefully with her next few words. "That you had a lot of… girlfriends…"

Dark brown eyes narrowed into almost a glare. "I still woke up alone. And for the record what I chose to do when you weren't-"

"I know, I know." Arizona held up her hands. "It's none of my business what you chose to do while I was gone… But Cristina said you would bring them home and leave before-"

"Before they woke up," Callie finished. "And, you' thought that's what happened with you…"

"A little," Arizona admitted.

"When I woke up with any one of them… all I felt was a little more numb. And after a year of numb, you were a bit of a shock."

"Sorry-"

"Stop saying that."

"Sor-… Okay," she felt a small smile crease her lips though behind her calm exterior, a tangle of fear and nerves waited beneath the surface. Her fingers tapped nervously against the leg fog her scrub pants as Callie watched, obviously waiting for her to speak first again. "Just… do you think… we're ever… going to _work_ again?"

"I told you I couldn't promise anything, Arizona…" Guilt clawed it way through Callie's chest as she saw the way Arizona's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I just…"

"But the scrub nurse… you and her work fine together? Or the girl from the bar a few nights ago?" Arizona asked dully, her eyes fixated on the blankets. "Do you want me to stop? Because, if there is no point then unless you're trying to get some revenge on me… which I do understand… what's the point?"

"I'm assuming the scrub nurse and the girl from the bar probably wouldn't disappear on me after a year, run off without so much as a goodbye… so maybe we do work better than you and I did. But then again-"

"I know what I did, Callie. People have been shoving it in my face since I got back. You, Cristina, Mark, Alex… even Teddy at the beginning. _Everyone_." The words poured from her mouth, biting and frustrated, born from a month of being stuck in a dead end. "It's been months. I can't explain it anymore. I can't hate myself any more than I already do, for what I did. I just need something… _something _so I know that it's not hopeless…"

"You mean like… I love you?" Callie sneered, past feeling guilty as hurt sliced through Arizona like a knife at her words. "Move in with me? I can't live without you… Let's spend forever together, and those promises you shoved in my face when you left... What could I give you that would _mean _anything."

"I've been here for almost three months now… _here." _Arizona jabbed a finger at the ground. "Trying like mad to get everyone around me to stop hating me for long enough for me to apologize… With you, I have no idea what else I can do… I've tried being a friend. I leave you messages but I don't even know if you listen to them… I didn't do some huge, big, candles, rainbows and red roses, lovey dovey gesture because you never seemed to like that sort of thing… I love you everyday, Calliope. Not just the day I decide to practically set the apartment on fire trying to spell _I love you_ in candles."

"I didn't miss the candles or the roses…" Callie's expression softened. "I missed _you_, so I'm glad you decided not to burn my apartment down by playing Scrabble with a set of candles. And, I do listen to your messages."

"Then why can't we just… try again… start over…"

"Because it wouldn't be any different, Arizona." Callie sighed again and slumped lower in her chair. Arizona did the same, abandoning the confident posture and sinking down onto the mattress. "I can't just start over and erase the past… We can't pretend everything's the same."

"Of course it's different," Arizona said, eyes wide with surprise.

"How?"

"Because I've tried living without you, and frankly, I was horrible at it." Arizona stated, matter-of-factly. "It seems trivial but when I was in Massachusetts… I was kind of a hermit. The hospital or my apartment to sleep, there was no in between. God… I was Cristina… minus the twisted best friend and army boyfriend."

"I can't picture that," Callie smirked at Arizona's obvious horror at her revelation. "But… okay…"

"Okay… what?"

"I'll try… I want to be us again... but I need some time. I'm not going to spend it flirting with scrub nurses and bar girls," she added, dispelling Arizona's unvoiced worries. "But I need... time."

"Do you want me to-"

"Twenty two days," Callie cut her off. "That's enough to finish up the twenty six messages you promised me… isn't it?"

Comprehension dawned, along with smile, on Arizona's face. "Yes, it is."

"And…" Callie bit her lip, hesitating and fiddling in her chair before she eventually stood up and walked over to stand near Arizona. "It's not hopeless."

"Cal-"

Arizona's mind went blank. Callie lips were on hers, tentative and feather light but it was _something. _Something amazing. It was over too quickly, barely there to begin with but Callie just backed away and while Arizona was elated she could see still the faint tinge of fear the haunted the brunette's eyes.

"Wait for me… okay? Give me some time…"

"Always," Arizona murmured, still slightly hazy from the fact that Callie had just kissed her for the first time in a year and three long months.

Callie took a few more steps back before she turned and pulled the door open, looking over her shoulder to offer an explanation.

"I texted Cristina about the fake 911. She unlocked the door half an hour ago."

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is mostly Arizona's 22 messages, and... Callie discovers a few things..**

**Maybe one or two more chapters, not much more of this story :)**

**Reviews=love**


	15. Let Me See You Stripped Down to the Bone

**A/N: Happy halloween :) This is the last chapter, and I'm so sorry for the wait.**  
**I kinda have to mention KB here for being generally awesome and putting up with my random angst rant about this chapter. Go read Growing Pains if you haven't already. It rocks :)**

**will edit in a bit.

* * *

**

**From a Whisper to a Scream  
****Chapter Fifteen: Let Me See You Stripped Down to the Bone**

**(Day 1)**

A smile tugs at the corners of Callie's lips as she ducks into the on-call room and lifted her cell phone to her ear.

"_Hey Calliope, um... Callie? I don't know if it's okay for me to call you Calliope… I mean, do you mind? Even though we're not… I know that sounds kind of odd… Yeah… Uhm… So, hi. How's your day going? Mind was pretty brutal, but I still have maybe four or five hours before I can heard back to my apartment… I heard you have a really big surgery scheduled for tomorrow, a double arm transplant… That's just… wow… I'm sure you'll be amazing, though… Would you mind if I come to watch? Anyway… I'll tell you more about Massachusetts in the next message, I can hear Bailey yelling at Alex and I think I have to go rescue him… Goodbye Calliope, I'll talk to you soon."_

_

* * *

_

**(Day 13)**

_"Hi Calliope, it was fun having lunch the other day… I'm pretty sure Teddy or Mark had something to do with the fact that we were the only people who showed up to eat lunch… but I didn't mind… Hold on… Bailey… No. Not right now. Sorry about that, Bailey was freaked out because apparently someone messed with the OR board and she wanted to scrub in on the surgery I'm doing later today… Anyway, problem solved… What was I talking about? Oh right. I was going to tell you about my Christmas at Mass Gen… Not the most interesting story, I avoided the annual staff party… mostly I just stayed with my patients and hung up decorations around PEDs for the kids… I gave people cards… Very impersonal… Like I said, I didn't have many close friends… Anyway, maybe I'll see you later."_

_

* * *

_

**(Day 21)**

As the opening credits of _Friends _flashed across the TV screen, Arizona Robbins was curled up on the sofa with a huge box of tissues in one hand and the remote control in the other. Despite the fact it was already three o'clock in the afternoon, she was still in her pink, butterfly-covered pajama pants and ratty old college t-shirt that she had slept in the night before.

A sharp knock at the door startled her gaze away from the television and she reluctantly dragged herself off the sofa in search of her purse for money to pay for the pizza delivery she had order half an hour ago. She ran a hand through her hair in a half-hearted effort to tame her messy curls and rubbed at her red-rimmed eyes to the tracks of mascara she had felt dripping down her face. It was really the least she could do to try not to look pathetic, though at this point she figured it was pretty much pointless.

Not bothering to check who is was, Arizona tiredly opened the door and held out a twenty dollar bill before jerking her hand back.

Callie's eyes widened as they traveled up Arizona's pajama bottoms, to her old t-shirt, and eventually to her tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. Arizona melted slightly at the concern she saw flood those brown eyes.

"Calliope," Arizona stuttered, suddenly wishing she had been able to find the strength to change out of her pajamas that morning. "Hey…"

"I came to see if you were okay…" Callie seemed to surprise herself with that admission. "Teddy told me you called in sick, and you haven't left me a message for a few days… _are_ you sick?"

"Yes… no…" Arizona frowned sheepishly and tugged nervously at the hem of her t-shirt. "Sort of."

Callie raised an eyebrow, looking like she was about to reply but Arizona opened the door wider and gestured inside. "You want to come in?"

Callie nodded and the blonde caught the hint of a smirk on her lips when she heard the sound of_ Friends_ playing softly in the background. As Callie stepped inside, looking around Arizona's messy apartment for the first time since she had officially moved back, the blonde became acutely aware of the fact she had left an empty Dukin' Donuts box on the counter and a pack of cigarettes on the coffee table, in plain view. She knew Callie would remember enough to connect the dots.

"Arizona…" From just the tone of Callie's voice, Arizona could tell she had seen the cigarettes. "What happened?"

Arizona sighed, cursing herself for leaving the "evidence" in such obvious a location. She had no choice but to explain now, not doing so would probably shatter any faith that Callie had left toward her.

She fingered the battered edge of the cigarette box, unable to look up and meet Callie's eyes. "My past has an annoying way of sneaking up on me."

Arizona looked up as Callie placed a gentle hand on top of hers and tugged the cigarette box out of her grasp. "You mean-"

"Matthew." Arizona gestured toward a box on the coffee table. "Literally."

Callie's eyes widened in horror as she walked across the room and peered down into the small box. She found what looked like an urn and Arizona's heart sank as Callie looked back up at her with horrified comprehension in her brown eyes.

"You mean…" Callie glanced sideways at the box. "God, Arizona…"

The blonde nodded, reaching over to toss the donut box into the garbage. She had tried so hard to protect her relationship with Callie from this, but here it was again... "My dad sent his ashes… I know, he was my best friend but…I don't…"

"You can't keep running." Callie murmured quietly, her voice barely audible through the thick silence. She had arrived at Arizona's apartment, half expecting to find another note and an empty room. But, it seemed she had gotten there only to find Arizona teetering on the same precipice of indecision. She couldn't help but wonder if Arizona had spent the entire day before she left moping around in her pajamas watching Friends re-runs and smoking cigarettes.

Looking alarmed, Arizona closed the few feet of space between them and placed a tentative hand on Callie's arm. "I'm not thinking of leaving again, Calliope... After everything, you have to know that."

Her breath caught in her chest as she saw obvious doubt cloud the brunette's features.

Callie gestured toward the box, exasperated. "I know, but it was because of_ that_ past that you ran away the first time. Now… it's back and you still won't face it."

"His _ashes_ are on the table!" Arizona exclaimed, wrestling with herself to keep the anger out of her voice. Callie remained impassive, merely watching as Arizona fought some sort of internal battle. "How much more _faced_ with it can I be? He's there. Right there."

"But you didn't face it, Arizona…" A challenge flashed between blue and brown eyes. "You didn't decide what to do, you didn't even go to work and drown out your problems in surgery after surgery… you shut down… again." Callie bit her lip. "The same thing that happened last year."

"It's... not the same…" Arizona protested weakly. "I'm not running from it, again. That thought didn't even cross my mind for an instant." She relaxed as Callie's expression softened. If Callie still believed that she could even survive running away again, she hadn't done a very good job of convincing her. Because she couldn't survive that. Not again.

Callie sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm not saying that, Arizona."

"Then what are you saying, Calliope?" Arizona asked, desperate to understand but already fighting off a foreboding sensation that this conversation would end badly, yet again. She was really running out of chances to repair things.

The hint of a smirk crossed Callie's lips as she gazed back at the blonde, who was looking for all the world like she was about to stomp her foot. It was clear that their year apart hadn't erased Arizona's stubborn streak, or her impatience.

"I'm saying that your past is always going to be there," she saw a flash of something resembling fear in Arizona's blue eyes. It was gone in an instant. "I don't understand why it's so hard for you to let it go... both before and after you ran away. Why couldn't you tell me?"

"It's in the past, I didn't see a need-"

"What is it?" Callie quickly cut off Arizona's obvious deflection before she could finish. Arizona's defiance was faltering, her impatient mask was slipping as Callie kept pushing. "What does he still have over you, Arizona?"

Arizona sighed, looking up at the brunette through narrowed eyes. "I can't just it go, Calliope." She sighed. "It's not that simple."

"Then explain it to me, because after a year apart from you I can't understand how it _wouldn't_ be so simple." Arizona could feel Callie's words easily ripping through her defenses, but she clutched at whatever tattered resistance she had left and stood her ground. Callie was an open book, both a blessing a curse where Arizona was concerned but it had always amazed her that a simple few words from the brunette could set her world spinning. But now Callie was asking for everything, and while Arizona knew she deserved it she couldn't bear to relinquish that last bit of control.

"I can't explain it-"

"I need you to."

"Calliope-"

"I can't come home every day, scared that you might have decided to leave me again… I_ hate_ living like that… Arizona, I can't live like that." Callie reached up a hand to trail down Arizona's arm, ignoring the way Arizona jumped at the simple touch.

"Just, can't you-"

"Please, Arizona…"

"God, Callie. If you killed Mark, you'd find it a little hard to let go. Wouldn't you?" Callie froze and Arizona mentally kicked herself for being so blunt.

She chose her words carefully, letting her hand trace up and down Arizona's arm. "You didn't kill him, Arizona."

"I had every opportunity to stop him, Calliope… I don't think you really get it. I saw the drugs and I saw exactly what they were doing. But he looked me in the face and promised he was okay… We were in college…" She shrugged helplessly, a self-deprecating smile dancing across her lips. "And I believed him."

"Ariz-"

"And then I sent him to jail," a dry laugh escaped. "I sent my best friend to _jail. _I know I'm not the one who dealt him the drugs, but I might as well have."

"You thought he had straightened himself out… Arizona, I have no doubt that if you thought for an instant he was still involved with drugs, you would have done something… I mean he joined the Marines, didn't he?" Arizona nodded.

"I'm-"

A knock at the door startled them both.

"I ordered pizza," Arizona explained quietly as she reluctantly hurried over to the door. She had lost all appetite. Quickly handing fifteen dollars to the teenager at the door, who seemed to find her pajamas very amusing, Arizona dropped the pizza box on the counter and looked up at Callie. "Want some?"

"No thanks," Callie murmured, looking warily at Arizona who shut the lid and left the pizza untouched on the counter. "Uh… Arizon-"

"Look… I know it's survivor's guilt, but a part of me is always going to wonder if I could have done something… That's just who I am." She waited to see some sort of acknowledgement from Callie before continuing. "But I never meant for it to affect our relationship. I didn't think it had to, so I didn't tell you about it… but I was wrong… very wrong. So I'm telling you now."

"Your past makes who you are, and you know me… but I realized I didn't know anything about you."

"I broke my leg when I was ten," Arizona grinned, ignoring the way Callie rolled her eyes. "Rollerblading. I wasn't as good with wheeled shoes as I am now."

"Clearly," Callie murmured sarcastically, relived to see the mirth swirling in Arizona's eyes after so long. "But that's not what I-"

"I know," Arizona reached down to grab Callie's hand. "Come with me, okay?"

* * *

"Arizona… you really don't have to do this." Callie said nervously, as Arizona stood at the edge of the dock at the marina. A brisk wind swirled around them and raised Goosebumps across Callie's arms. Arizona used this as an excuse to snuggle closer to the brunette, wrapping an arm around Callie's waist and sighing contentedly when Callie didn't pull away.

Arizona looked up at Callie, then out across the water that was rapidly darkening under the setting sun. "I think, I do." She smiled, "It's what he would have wanted anyway. The ocean. He was a marine after all and even in college, every chance he got he was trying out some new water sport. That's how I knew something was wrong at first, he didn't really go out on the water anymore."

She nestled her head against Callie's shoulder and breathed in the brunette's familiar scent before stepping away and moving to the very edge of the water. Reaching down, she opened the urn and leaned out over the water, slowly scattering the ashes into the winds where they sailed over the water for a few moments before hitting the surface.

"Bye, Matthew." She murmured, her voice lost in the sound of water sloshing against the dock. "I'm sorry."

Arizona crumbled as she felt a pair of familiar arms circle around her waist and pull her back into a warm embrace. On instinct, she turned, and buried her face in the fabric of Callie's jacket, inhaling deeply and feeling tears burn warm trails down her cheeks. Callie pressed a light kiss against the top of Arizona's blonde hair, and gently trailed her hands comfortingly up and down her back.

As the sun slid lower on the horizon, Arizona twisted so she was once again nestled against Callie's side, her eyes, still shining with tears, were gazing out across the water. Callie followed her gaze, feeling the last of her fears melt away as she looked down at the blonde in her arms. Arizona sighed contentedly, feeling her whole body relax against Callie's as a sense of overwhelming familiarity almost took her breath away.

She was home. Finally.

* * *

**(Day 22)**

"_So, this is message twenty six… There are always going to be people lining up for you and I'm always going to be one of them. In fact I'm going to be that annoying person who cuts everybody and tries to sneak to the front of the line. I hope you know that. I love you and I want to ask you… Calliope Torres, will you go on a date with me?"_

**The. End.**

**

* * *

**

**A/N: Thank you guys for reading for so long. It means a lot that you guys have stuck with this story :)**


End file.
